


The Trainer

by KC_darling



Series: (Ab)Used? [2]
Category: Chris Hemsworth - Fandom, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom, hiddlesworth - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Falling in Love despite not wanting to, Fear, Fluff and Cuddling, Helping to Heal, M/M, Mention of Drugabuse, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Nightmares, Piercings, Self-Hatred, eventually smut, patience - Freeform, tatoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:39:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KC_darling/pseuds/KC_darling
Summary: About five and a half year after the end of "The Director" Tom is still struggling to cope with what happened in his very own way. Despite having been in therapy he's still suffering from self-hatred and disgust.His job keeps him a bit distracted and when he has to bulk up for a new role he meets Chris. They soon become friends and maybe even more.Can Chris help Tom to chase the ghosts of his past away? Or is he just another guy only breaking Tom's heart?





	1. Zombie or Vampire

**Author's Note:**

> Second part of my "(Ab)Used?" series. If you haven't read the first part I strongly suggest to read it before going into this...
> 
> Enjoy!

Once again Tom woke from a nightmare. They'd become less frequent but still he often woke drenched in sweat and shaking like a leaf, words like whore or slut going through his head. Rubbing his eyes he looked at his alarm clock. 3.30   
With a sigh he swung his legs out of bed and went to the bathroom. After peeing he looked at himself in the mirror, a pale face with black, long hair staring back at him. His mum nearly had a heart attack when he showed up with black, straightened hair one day. He just couldn't look at that stupid blond curls any longer, so he had dyed them and with loads of gel put them up in spikes, at least until they were long enough.

 

_He loved his mum for being so supportive and despite being obviously shocked by his look she hadn't said a word about it. He'd been a zombie for a long time after he had been released from hospital. He had refused to see a psychologist claiming he was alright like so many people did but in truth he was more the opposite. Despite his change in hair colour his self-hate only grew, so he went out and slept around. Men, women, both at the same time. Never bothering for protection. Maybe he inwardly prayed to be infected with HIV because he felt he'd deserve that for being so stupid and naïve._

_When that wasn't enough anymore and he hated himself even more he added drugs, first only alcohol and cigarets but soon marihuana, ecstasy and more joined in. It felt good to silence that accusing voices inside his head. For a short while he was happy until he saw him again, only on TV but still. Walking the red carpet with his pretty wife, all smiles for the cameras. As if nothing had happened. Furious he distroyed his entire flat before going out and getting his first piercing._   
_His mum had stared at him as if he was an alien. "Sweetheart, are you sure you're alright?"_   
_"Course, mum." Was all he said._   
_Two weeks after the lip ring had healed he got one in the eyebrow and three in his right ear. Again his mum nearly had a heart attack but didn't say anything._

_She only intervened when she found him in his bed one morning, naked with two girls and a guy, plus loads of empty bottles and some coke. Once she'd thrown everyone out she grabbed his hand sitting down on the sofa with him and giving him no choice anymore._   
_"I've called Doctor Eccleston, she's got a clinic for rape victims and you'll go there until she says you're okay again. I won't sit tight and watch you destroy yourself. You mean too much to me and your father. In fact the whole family. You need help, Tom. And if I have to drag you there by force!"_

 

 

He had to smile at that memory. At first he had wanted to fight as he hadn't wanted to go but eventually he had agreed. And it had been a good decision. He'd spent almost an entire year there until he was feeling better, a little at least.   
Now, four years after he'd been released he still went to a psychiatrist every now and then. She and Benedict were the only two people who really knew everything about what had happened. 

When Ben had told him about Stephen and Gary he had to throw up, not quite believing the whole thing but Ben wouldn't lie to him.  
They still were friends, good friend, although Ben had had his big break with Sherlock. And he???   
Ben had also tried to get him to date him, to be more than friends but Tom couldn't. Ever since he'd been in the clinic he hadn't had sex or even touched himself which actually was the main reason he still went to Maggie, as his psychiatrist insisted on being called. He'd tried but he felt so disgusting and/or didn't even get hard. It just felt wrong.

 

Sighing he rolled back into his sheets, he needed to sleep some more as he had a big audition at 9 o'clock. It was a big vampire movie, full of action and romance.  
He'd been in a few plays in the last years and recently a TV show. He nearly fainted on seeing the cameras but when he made sure he wasn't naked it got better. 

Tossing and turning he lay in bed till 5.30 but couldn't fall asleep anymore, so he eventually got up and getting into his running gear. It helped him clear his head. After tying his shoes up he stood in front of his mirror. Was that really him? The black hair, the piercings, the tatoos?  
It had started with a skull on his right shoulder as he'd felt like being dead for a while after his release from the clinic and the pain of the needle had helped him. But if you'd ask him now he'd say it was in honour of one of his favourite plays, Hamlet. He even thought about getting some lines tatooed beneath it.  
The second tatoo had been even more therapeutical than anything else and he was staring at the dragon's tail coming out from his shorts just now. It covered his entire left thigh and hip as it took his focus off his hated cock and to the black ink in his skin. It had taken four sessions at the tatoo studio to get it finished but he loved it. 

He knew people stared but now with the piercings and tatoos he knew people were staring because of that and not because they'd seen him in a porn which drove him insane in the beginning. Everytime someone stared at him for a while longer he'd have a fit of rage shouting at them.

 

It was still early but with the heat of the summer day ahead of them most people used the early morning hours for their excersise. The sun had come up already as he ran up a hill, sweat slowly starting to run.  
"Hey, Tom!" Before he could look to who it was a large husky was already coming straight at him. Chuckling he bent over a little to give his friend a cuddle.  
"Hey, buddy. You're up early." The dog barked once before licking over Tom's face. Grabbing his collar Tom brought him back over to his owner. "Hi, Lucy. How are you?"   
"Great, thanks. But you look a bit exhausted."  
"Didn't sleep well." The dog barked up at him "Yeah, Buster, what is it?" They'd met one day in the park as Buster came straight at him and knocked him over licking his face and since then had become good friends.  
For a while they played with the dog before continuing their run together. Like him Lucy was often stared at by the other people because of her neon-pink Mohawk haircut and loads of piercings.

 

Once home again Tom felt better, Buster always managed to cheer him up. He'd buy an own dog but in his tiny flat a dog would die of boredom.  
Stripping his sweaty clothes he showered. It was the only time he touched his most intimate parts and he dreaded it. Occasionally the smallest touch would get him hard and he hated it as the thing that should make you feel good only caused him bad memories. He'd talked about this with Maggie and she'd promised him that one day he'd be able and touch himself again and enjoy it.   
Today was no different. As soon as he'd pushed back his foreskin he felt himself fill with blood and at the same time the phantom pain in his rear grew. He'd felt that stinging pain for about four months but it still came back to him occasionally making sweat break his skin. Turning the water as cold as possible he managed to get his erection back down. He'd probably have a wet dream that night or the next. It was almost like being a teenager again, only that it wasn't that frequent. But apparently his body needed that release from time to time.

  
_After about two months in the clinic he'd woken with a boner and full of rage, anger and pain had gripped his genitals trying to rip them off. Luckily the staff there monitored their patients well enough, so a nurse soon came into his room stopping him from hurting himself too much._   
  


Eventually he stepped out of the shower his long hair still dripping with water he began to dry himself off. Of course when he carefully touched his penis with the towel it hardened again. Usually he just left it like that but he had to go for an audition and having a hard-on wasn't a good thing. Well, he still had time, so he ignored it and fixed his hair.

About half an hour later his black mane was tamed with the straighteners but he was still semi-hard. Angry at his traitorous cock he grabbed the tightes pair of briefs and jeans he had trapping his hated genitals. Of course it hurt but he didn't care, the pain only reminded him that he was in control and not this stupid bodypart or some hormones.

When he was finished dressing he headed straight for the Tube. He still had time and would be there early but he just didn't want to be late.   
The good thing about his new appearance was that it covered his huge insecurity and shyness. His quietness was usually taken for some sort of rebellion against society. The other thing he noticed was that girls seemed to like that look and often he found one flirting with him which in a way was good for his ego and lessening his self-hate.

 

He was auditioning for one of the main characters, the movie would be a bit like Romeo and Juliette with vampires and werewolves and he'd be Romeo's best mate. The audition went well and so Tom was surprised when they'd asked him to wait a little and when he finally was called back in, one of the producers said "We don't think the part is yours really."  
Nodding Tom fought his tears of disappointment until the director added "We think you should be our main character. Adam."  
Tom's jaw dropped. Were they serious?  
He must have looked so stupid as all three of them started to laugh. "You okay with that?" The director eventually asked and Tom just nodded eagerly. "Good. You're slightly depressive aura is just right for Adam. However, we want you to built up some muscles as you'll have a few shirtless scenes and a sex scene."  
His blood froze. He couldn't do that!

Swallowing hard he cleared his throat "Is that really necessary?" They all stared at him clearly not knowing what he meant. "Ahm, the sex scene. I... It's..."  
"Don't worry you don't have to be entirely naked if you don't feel comfortable with that."  
Relieved he took a deep breath before he remembered his tatoo. He'd better be honest now. "I probably should tell you that I've got tatoos."  
"Well, to be honest Tom we actually thought you might have some. Care to show us?" One of the producers said smiling at him.  
"Okay." His heart was racing, could he really do this? Be naked in front of them?  
But they didn't want him to perform a sexual act for them, so he took up all his courage and tugged his shirt over his head. 

For a moment it was silent and Tom saw them staring at the huge dragon head peeking out from his jeans. Breaking the silence he said as he turned "There's one on my shoulder as well."   
"How big is that dragon?" The female producer asked.  
Half turning again Tom looked at her shyly "Goes down to my knee, well the tail a bit more."  
Their eyes were wide. Shit, would they fire him already again?   
"Okay. Anything else we should know about?" The director said.  
"Like what?" Tom stared at him.  
"More tatoos or piercings?"  
"N... I've actually got a nipple piercing. Took it out for running this morning." Once he'd left it in and it was an angry red afterwards hurting for days.  
"Okay, fine. Ahm, we'll asign you to a personal trainer who'll help you building up some muscles. I'll meet you at the gym down the street tomorrow morning 9 o'clock." The producer said before getting up and shaking his hand. "Welcome on bord, Tom."  
The others followed suite and after putting his shirt back on, Tom left the audition feeling as happy as he hadn't in ages.


	2. Parties and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom celebrates with friends and family before going into his training and meeting his sexy personal tranier. An Aussie called Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think these lines describe quite well like Tom is feeling (Great song, if you don't know it check it out):
> 
>  
> 
> I hurt myself today  
> To see if I still feel  
> I focus on the pain  
> The only thing that's real  
> The needle tears a hole  
> The old familiar sting  
> Try to kill it all away  
> But I remember everything
> 
> Johnny Cash - Hurt

As soon as he was out of the audition building he called his mum and sisters telling them the good news. His sister Emma just teased "You as a vampire? You won't even need to act."  
And Sarah said "That's worth partying. 7 pm at my house. Bring some friends and booze."  
Grinning like a fool he headed home texting Ben and some others to ask if they wanted to come that night. 

In the end it was mostly family with some friends. Ben was congratulating him with an expensive bottle of champagne which they immediately killed. There was music, there was food and drinks, however, Tom held back on the latter as he'd have to be fit in the morning.  
Seeking a moment of silence he headed out into the small back yard where he sat down on a wooden bench staring up at the stars.

"Hey, sweety."  
He nearly jumped out of his skin when his mum called him that. "Never ever call me that again, mum! Okay?"  
Slightly shocked she noticed the tears having welled up in his eyes. "Did he call you that? I'm so sorry, darling. I had no idea."  
"Mum! Please." The whole "rape" thing was something he'd not wanted to discuss with his family, especially not with his mum.  
"Sorry. It's just, I see you suffering and want to help. That's all. You're my only son after all."  
"I know, mum. And I really appreciate you being there for me like that. But I just want to forget about this and it doesn't work when you bring it up again."  
"Sorry." She gently grabbed his thin wrist running her fingers over the soft inside absentmindedly tracing the scar there.  
Hadn't she forgotten her handbag, God knew what would have happened. She still couldn't forget the image of her sharpest knife lying blood-soaken on the kitchen floor and finding her son lying in the garden staring up at the sky as his blood slowly soaked the ground.

Shaking her head she tried to smile away the tears that had gathered at those thoughts. She couldn't even imagine how it must have looked inside of him as he'd done that two weeks after he'd been released from hospital. Luckily she had insisted that he'd stay with her for a couple of weeks.

"I'm so proud of you, my darling."  
He looked at her grinning like a fool. "Really?"  
"Yes. You're so strong." She paused looking at his face "Only the hair's a bit much. Don't you want to have back your golden curls?"  
"Mum!" He'd often explained to her how it helped him to not feel bad every time he looked in the mirror.  
"And those pieces of metal. You were such a pretty boy."  
"And I'm not anymore? Well, maybe it's just deterrence." 

For a long while they sat there in silence staring up at the night sky until she asked "Are you gay, darling?"  
Had Emma said something?! With wide eyes he looked at her and she just smiled at him. "I'll always love you, darling. I don't care about such banalities."  
Sighing he bent forward staring at the floor. "I guess I was. But it doesn't matter anymore."  
"Don't say that, darling. Everybody needs someone to love and hold."  
"Not me. I've had enough of it."  
Furrowing her brow she stared at the back of his head for a long moment. Had her little boy been hurt by someone who was supposed to make him happy? Whom he'd trusted? No wonder he hadn't wanted to talk to the police then. Maybe he even was blaming himself.  
"I'll always be there for you. Come here." She tugged him into a firm embrace cuddling him.  
He was so glad he had her.

 

  
_He was sitting in his mum's living room with all the rest of the family. It was his mum's birthday and as usually a big crowd had gathered to celebrate. They were talking and laughing while eating cake and drinking coffee. His mum sitting beside him announcing how proud she was of her actor son for being in such great movies._

_He couldn't pinpoint from where in the room it came or whose voice it was but someone shouted "Yeah, he's getting those roles because he's bending over for the directors. Fucking slut!" Or was it just in his head?_   
_Immediately he felt the sting in his eyes but his mum just firmly squeezed his hand._   
_"Why don't we watch one of the movies he's in?" Someone suggested and the whole crowd cheered "Yeah!"_   
_"No. It's mum's big day. I don't th...", he protested._   
_"Don't be so modest, sweetheart. You're amazing."_

_Someone had already started the telly and there he was wearing the school uniform! His blood froze. Everyone was watching murmuring things like "haven't seen that, yet" or similar stuff. Horrified he found that he couldn't move or even say anything as his third porn played in front of his family. The whole thing played and everyone's face had grown shocked at "little Tom" - as he often was called by his family - getting fucked up the arse and was coming against the desk before licking it away. Then the TV screen was black and his head turned to look at his mum. Her face was pale as she stared at him._   
_"You filthy, little shit! How could you!" Her face filled with fury and her hand slapped hard across his face "Get out of my house! You dirty whore! You're not my son any longer!"_

 

 

Drenched in sweat he woke up with a gasp, the nightmare still all too present in his head. This had been new. Usually he'd confessed to his mum what had happened before she threw him out. But the entire family...  
Tears started to shake his body as he sat in his dark room sobbing with his knees tugged to his chest. 

When he eventually had calmed a little he stared at his alarm clock. It was only 1.56, so getting up wasn't really an option. Grabbing a book he read for a while until his mind returned to an idea he'd had for a while. He'd searched online once already but now he did again grabbing his phone. In wonder he stared at the pierced cocks on his screen, some having a giant ring through the head and urethra.   
It would hurt. A lot. He was sure about it and that would be perfect. The only thing was that someone would have to touch his cock which he absolutely didn't want.   
Sighing he sank back into his sheets thinking about another way to make himself feel. 

For a while he had cut the skin on his inner thigh until he couldn't go for a run anymore without hurting. Then he'd moved to his wrists but Maggie had caught a glimpse of it and called him upon it. "Please, Tom, stop that or I'll have to send you back to the clinic."  
He'd cried a lot that session. It was hard to describe how he felt, often he himself didn't know what he was feeling. A few days later he'd stopped in front of a tatoo studio and got his first tattoo.

The dragon had been similar. It had been Christmas two years after ground zero – as he liked to call it – and he'd been with his family. Happy. But all of a sudden he'd felt like dirt, like not worth breathing oxygen. And only because his mum had tiny Santa hats as decoration on her dinner table. The next day he returned to the tattoo studio. 

 

  
_"Oh, sweety. You're so tight."_  
 _A cock was shoving its painful way up his ass but he couldn't move. He was tied up and gagged as a man whose face was hidden in the darkness continued to pound into him. The stinging went straight up his spine making him whimper._  
 _The man continued to fuck into him teasing his nipples with thick fingers and to Tom's horror he was getting hard. His pained winces eventually turned into aroused moans. Only then he saw the little red lights all around him. Cameras. At least five. Recording his misery._

_The fucking continued until sweat broke from his forehead and then the guy finished inside him. As he pulled out there was blood on his flaccid cock. With a disgusted huff he stepped into darkness only to be replaced by another guy with an even bigger cock. The misery continued. And each new guy had a bigger, thicker cock. It hurt. But he came. A lot..._

 

 

His alarm startled him awake. "Fuck!" Cursing he found he'd fallen onto the floor at some point. His sheets were wrapped around his body. Soaked. His long mane was sticking to his forehead and when he finally managed to disentangle himself from his sheets he found his shorts were even more sticky then the rest of him.  
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" How could he cum whilst having a nightmare of being raped?! What was wrong with him?! 

Stumbling to the bathroom he got out of his wet clothes throwing them into the hamper in the corner. The insides of his black boxers were all white, so he'd surely come more often than once. Maybe he should get sterilised then the wet dreams would have an end but again someone would have to touch him down there. 

No! Shaking his head he tried to clear his thoughts. He had to prepare for a role. Maybe his big breakthrough. At least his balls were empty now and he could think more clearly which was good!

He quickly showered and got dressed in a pair of tight blue jeans and a black cotton t-shirt. Packing a pair of shorts, his running shoes and a shirt into a small bag he headed to his appointment. As most times he skipped breakfast because in the morning he generally didn't feel hungry. Probably it were the nightmares stealing his apatite but who knew...

The Tube was packed with people going to work and he thought he possibly should have taken his bike as he slowly started to hyperventilate as it got more and more crowded, strangers pressed against him. Finally he reached his stop and fought his way out onto the platform. Leaning against a wall he inhaled a couple of times before he headed for the escalators. His black shirt was soaked with sweat and he just wanted to go back home and hide. All these people around him... Some stared at him, some ignored him and some glared at him with hatred. Only because he was different. 

 

Eventually he reached the gym and the guy from yesterday was waiting for him already.   
"Hi, Tom. Good to see you." He shook Tom's slightly shaking hand. "You alright?"  
"Yeah. Just hate the crowd on the Tube during rush hour. Get slightly claustrophobic."  
"Oh. You should have said something. Then we would have met an hour later."  
"It's alright. I don't want to be difficult."  
"You're our star. Of course you can be difficult. You sure that you're okay?”  
“Yeah.” His voice was thin but he forced a fake-smile onto his face  
“Okay. Come on then."

They went inside and took an elevator to the sixth floor. It didn't look like a normal gym, more like some posh spa or something. Together they headed over to the reception where a small blonde was standing smiling at them.  
"Good morning, gentlemen. What can I do for you?" Her face stayed friendly but Tom couldn't help but notice the sneer towards him.  
"I'm Peter Hughes. I've got an appointment with Mr. Hemsworth."  
"Alright, Sir. I'll just ca..."  
"Not necessary, Jenny." A deep male voice with a brought Australian accent came from their right. Tom looked over and his mouth fell slightly open as he saw a tall, broad guy with blonde, short hair and a short beard coming towards them wearing a way too tight shirt and tightly fitting shorts. A few years ago Tom would have gotten hard only by seeing him.  
"Hi, Mr. Hughes. Nice to meet you." The two men shook hands as Tom stood behind his producer trying to hide. 

"Mr. Hemsw..."  
"Just Chris, please." The Aussie said.  
"Okay. Ahm, that's Tom Hiddleston," he stepped aside pointing to the pale Brit "you'll be in charge of beefing him up a little for us."  
"Hi, Tom." Chris huge hand gripped his and although his own hands weren't exactly small especially his wrist appeared extremely delicate against Chris' thick arms.  
"Hi." Tom's voice sounded very thin and he was even paler then usually. Was it because the way Chris stared at him? Or the way Chris body intimidated him? Making him fell more like the bean pole then ever.  
"He doesn't need to look like you, just some more muscles. Maybe a six-pack" Mr. Hughes said.  
"Alright. We'll see. Come on, Tom. I'll show you where you can change."

 

Silently Tom followed the huge Australian to the locker-room after having said "good bye" to Mr. Hughes.   
"Right, so change into your gear, mate. I'll wait over there." Chris pointed to a corner near the entrance with a sofa and some weird machines.

Nodding Tom quickly changed into his sports outfit before heading out again. As he neared Chris, the Aussie stared at him (and especially his tattooed lower thigh) his jaw dropped. Once Tom was only a few feet away the Aussie swallowed hard and started to grin.  
"Well then, let's begin."


	3. Training and Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During and after training Chris and Tom get to know each other better.

Chris made Tom step onto some weird device explaining it would measure Tom's body fat.   
"Wow, that's really low." Chris stared at the numbers thinking that either Tom was fitter than he looked or had an eating disorder.  
"Ahm, before we'll start the actual training I'll give you some tips for your nutrition. If you want to built up muscles you'll have to eat loads of protein. Chicken, fish, eggs. Stuff like that. Of course there are protein shakes as well but I don't recommend those."

As Chris kept talking about what he should and shouldn't eat Tom's mind wandered off taking in Chris' body. His upper arms were huge and for a split second he wondered how they would look wrapped around him – or more precisely his waist. He even was wondering how Chris would look naked... No! He wasn't interested in any of this. He'd never ever have a lover again, so he couldn't get hurt. That he had promised to himself.

"Alright. If you've got any questions about nutrition feel free to ask me any time. We've also got a whole department for that, so if you need recipes or something." Once more Chris eyes fell to the black ink tattooed into Tom's thigh. He could see a tail and some claws that probably belonged to a dragon or some other beast. How he'd love to see the whole thing. "Right." He cleared his throat whilst shaking his head lightly to clear his thoughts. "Ready?"  
Shrugging his shoulders Tom nodded and followed Chris towards some machines.  
"We'll train at least four ours every day. Mostly it'll be lifting weights using differtent machines but I think kick-boxing is good for a change as well." 

 

An hour later Tom was totally bored as he was sitting on one of the machines lifting weights to train his back muscles. He should have brought his iPod. His trainer Chris was sitting on a machine next to him doing the same training only lifting like four times what Tom was lifting. His gaze wandered around the room checking out what the other people were doing. On his right two girls were on stairmasters chatting more than actually training. Other than that there were only two more guys in. Well, after all it was the middle of the day and most people were working.   
While he kept doing his moves he watched the two guys who were standing in front of a mirror lifting huge bar-bells. When Chris' arms were big already those guys' were fucking massive. Tom was sure they easily could crash his skull without much effort. Damn, and those tiny shorts they were wearing!  
"Seeing something interesting?" Chris suddenly stood in front of him. Blushing lightly Tom shook his head. The Aussie chuckled lightly "Enough of this. Let's go over to the benches. 

As he got up he felt slightly dizzy but it was only for a moment. Following Chris to the bench-presses he wondered if this role was really worth this. But it could be his big break and he wanted that!  
"Hey, are you listening?" Chris asked from the bench he was lying on pressing some heavy weights.  
"Hmmm. Ah, yes."  
"Then what did I just say?" Again Tom blushed furiously being caught day-dreaming. "Nevermind." Chris put the weights back down and slowly got off of the bench. "Your turn." He gestured to the black leather bench and Tom slowly moved. He was doing this for his career!

Straddling the bench his shorts hiked up a little revealing a bit more of the beast inked into his skin and had he watched Chris he would have caught him staring and possibly even seen his cock lightly twitch in his shorts.   
Eager as Tom was he grabbed the bar with the weights and started to press. It was fucking heavy but he actually managed to push it out of its holding only to feel his arms buckle under the weight. Tom's gasps for air eventually brought Chris' focus back to what his trainee was doing instead of undressing him with his eyes.  
"Shit, mate. What are you doing?!" Grabbing the bar Chris slowly tugged it off Tom's chest. "You're not nearly ready for 150 pounds. Maximum half of it. But I think we'll start at 50. You okay, mate?" 

 

While Tom trained Chris was flirting with the girls who had come over from the stairmasters asking when Chris would do his next kick-boxing classes.

Finally Chris announced the last half hour of training after 4 hours of lifting, pressing and pushing. Tom could already feel the soreness in his muscles and inwardly cringed at coming back the next day. Leading Tom over to the treadmills he set one in motion. "Half an hour running for the stamina."   
Tom got on and soon found it was too slow for him. "Doesn't this thing go faster?"  
"Faster?" Chris was surprised as he himself had to fight to keep the pace he had just set.   
"Yes." Tom sounded slightly bitchy.  
"Sure. Just press that plus button." Dumbfounded he watched as the skinny Brit pressed the button three times!!! "Ahm, here." Staring at Tom's long legs flying along he handed him two small bar-bells.

Eventually Chris was running beside Tom breathing definitely faster and sweating more. Well, but he also had to carry more weight. Obviously.  
"So you're an actor?"  
"Yeah." Tom could just roll his eyes. Chris knew that already.  
"Anything I might have seen you in?"  
"Only if you go to the theatre."  
"No movie or something."  
Tom named the few TV shows he'd been in only to be informed that Chris had never heard of those.

"So that tattoo of yours... It's a dragon, right?"  
"Yes."  
"Don't get me wrong but I don't think your the typical guy for a tattoo."  
"What do you mean?" Rising an eyebrow he looked over at Chris.  
"Well, you seem to be very... shy. Or did you do it for your boyfriend?"  
"I don't have a b..." Glaring at Chris he found the Aussie grinning at him "How did you know?"   
"Well, if you were straight you wouldn't have stared at those body builders all the time but at the girls." Chris had a self-content grin on his face.  
"Right. Well, frankly it's non of y..."  
"I think you're hot." Tom nearly doubled over. Had the Aussie really just said that? "I like shy. And you've got amazing eyes."  
"Are you flirting?!" Tom couldn't believe it. That dream-boat of a guy was flirting with HIM!  
"Sure. You're a pretty guy. Got more tattoos?" Winking at Tom he had to grin.  
"I'm not interested." Tom's reply was cold, probably too cold as Chris stopped running and stared at the skinny Brit.

Tom kept on running ignoring that the Aussie was no longer beside him. Sweat was running down his entire body and his stomach hurt.  
"Why? Because I'm just a stupid personal trainer?" Chris sounded offended.  
"No, I'm just no..." Suddenly everything went black for Tom and he felt his legs buckle beneath him. He already saw him hitting his head badly when two strong arms grabbed him.

 

For a moment Tom let himself be held and he actually didn't have the strength to fight Chris' hold. The Aussie slowly laid him down onto the floor carefully.  
"Tom? Can you hear me? Tom?"  
Realisation struck him like lightning. Another man was touching him! All of a sudden he ripped his body from Chris' grip despite his head spinning wildly. Chris tried to calm him and placed his big hand on Tom's thigh which only made things worse.  
"Don't fucking touch me!" He hissed his chest heaving heavily, sweat of fear breaking his skin.   
Chris flinched backwards trying to calm Tom with words. "Everything alright, mate. Nothing's happened. You've just fainted. Stay right there, I'll just get something to drink."

Feeling stupid Tom rolled to his side trying to get up but Chris was already coming back to him with long strides. "No, no, no, no. Stay where you are." Tom blinked his eyes trying to hide the tears that had gathered in his eyes but Chris was crouching down next to him and looking straight into his face. "You okay? Should I call an ambulance?"  
"No. I'm fine." Chris held a bottle of Gatorade towards him which Tom reluctantly took.   
"What did you have for breakfast?" Chris asked somehow already knowing the answer.  
Ignoring him Tom drank tiny gulps from the ridiculously sweet drink.   
"Tom, mate, you need to eat properly before you come here otherwise this can end very badly. You generally need to eat properly and to be honest you don't look like you eat much at all."  
"What business is that of yours?" Tom snapped at him.  
"Well, if you want to built up muscles you have to eat." Chris handed him a protein bar he'd brought with him as well. "Eat that."  
"No." Stubbornly Tom tried to get up and away from Chris.  
"Fine. If you won't eat that I'll have to call Mr. Hughes and tell him this won't work."  
Tom stopped dead in his movement "You wouldn't!"  
"I have to. This isn't good for your health if you're not eating properly. Tom there are people who can help you with an eating disorder."  
"I don't fucking have an eating disorder." He glared daggers at the Aussie.   
"Then proof it." Chris held the bar towards him and angrily Tom grabbed it eventually tearing the wrapper and taking a huge bite.  
"Happy?!" He asked while munching on it.  
"If you've eaten the entire thing then yes."

Tom wanted to curse the stupid Aussie but he couldn't risk the job. It was too important to him and he actually was hungry, really hungry for the first time in ages.   
Eventually he had gulped the whole thing down and threw the wrapper at Chris before angrily getting up and heading towards the locker room.

Once in he noticed that he hadn't thought about bringing a towel or even body wash to shower. Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes. Why couldn't everything go smoothly for once?! Well, he'd rub himself dry with his shirt and then get into his clothes. People would probably wrinkle their noses as he stank of sweat but WTF.   
"You alright, mate?" Tom nearly jumped out of his skin when Chris' booming voice sounded next to him. On seeing Tom's watery eyes he immediately furrowed his brows. "Something happened? Is it because what I said?" As Tom just kept staring at him he added "About eating. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just... I'm worried."  
"And why would you worry about someone like me?" Tom's voice was barley more than a whisper as he slowly turned to retrieve his bag from the locker.  
"What do you mean 'someone like you'? You seem to be a nice guy." Chris paused before adding jokingly "Despite your looks."  
"You don't have to like the way I look." Tom pulled his shirt from earlier from his bag getting angry.  
"I didn't say I don't like it. It's just... You don't sell it. I can tell you're pretending to be the tough punk. But there's a very soft core inside you."  
Huffing Tom spun around "What the fuck do you know?!"

Chris stood there for a moment not knowing what to say while Tom toed off his shoes.   
"Why don't we shower and then I'll invite you for lunch."  
"I told you I'm not interested."  
"I got that. But we could be friends. I'm a good listener."  
"Can't."  
"Why not? You not hungry? That prot..."  
"I stink. Okay!"  
"That's why we shower beforehand." Chris grinned at him.  
"Forgot my stuff."  
"Oh. No problem. Towels are just round the corner and those small body wash things you get at hotels as well." Chris opened one of the lockers and began to strip until he was naked. Tom quickly turned as soon as the Aussie tugged down his shorts staring at the floor beside his left foot.  
"You coming or what?" Putting on a pair of slippers Chris headed towards the showers. Grabbing two towels he peeked around the corner and threw one at Tom. 

Slightly shaking in fear that the other man would see him naked he waited until he heard the water running before slowly stripping. He wrapped the towel around his waist before tugging down his shorts and briefs. Making sure the towel won't fall he slowly followed towards the showers. There was a row of open showers and under one stood Chris rubbing body wash over his muscled chest. Luckily Tom found that there was also a row of single cabins and he quickly slipped into the first one relieved locking the door. He was surprised how spacious it was. He easily could get changed in there. Perfect. Somehow calmer he started to wash the sweat off his body. 

 

Eventually he was finished, dripping wet he dried himself off in the safe cabin. There was no more sound of another running shower, so he figured if he'd just wait long enough the Aussie would be gone. After staying in the stall for another five minutes he slowly got out heading towards the locker room.   
He nearly dropped his towel as he saw the Aussie sitting on the bench fully dressed apparently waiting for him.   
"Thought for a moment you drowned in there," he joked as Tom nervously made his way to his clothes. He basically could feel Chris' eyes on him as he picked up his undies only to realise he'd only brought one pair.   
"Your first time at the gym?" The grin on his face was obvious in Chris' words.  
"Yes." Tom felt totally embarrassed and just wanted to die that moment.  
"Don't worry. You're surely not the only one forgetting spare undies. So either go commando or get back into that rather sexy pair."  
"Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?!" Tom burst out immediately regretting it. But Chris just smiled "I knew you were shy. But that shy?" Winking at the Brit Chris took his stuff and headed for the door. "I'll be waiting outside then, mate."

Glaring daggers at the back of Chris head Tom slowly calmed down again.   
Going commando wasn't an option. For once his jeans were too tight and revealing plus he wasn't comfortable enough anymore to do that. Turning his undies inside out he got into them before putting his jeans back on. Why couldn't that Chris just let him in peace? 

 

As promised Chris was waiting outside for him. Tom just rolled his eyes as he was currently flirting with two girls on their way in for training. Shaking his head Tom headed for the exit hoping Chris wouldn't notice but of course he wasn't that lucky.   
"Hey, mate! Where are you going?" Chris quickly caught up with him.  
"Home. See you tomorrow." Tom just kept walking towards the elevators not even turning to look at Chris.  
"I've invited you for lunch. You don't just go home when a hot guy invites you for lunch."  
Rolling his eyes again Tom pressed the button for the elevator. "Don't overestimate your charm."  
Chris just laughed at Tom's comment and followed the Brit into the elevator and only spoke again once the door was closed and they were alone. "Well, you can't blame me that I want to go out with a hot actor. I actually was a little disappointed that you didn't join me in the shower."  
"I told you I wasn't looking." Tom slowly got angry. Was that big Aussie really that daft?  
"Well, nothing wrong with a bit of fucking around."  
"No! Just leave me the fuck alone!"   
"Sorry, mate. Just thought a hot guy like you might want to have a little fun."  
Glaring at him Tom just shook his head, although he felt flattered in a way (but he would never admit that).

Eventually they reached the ground floor and stepped outside onto the pavement. Tom immediately started to head towards the Tube but Chris followed him. About a block down Chris suddenly stopped him by gripping his upper arm nodding his head to a small restaurant. "Come on. Lunch."  
"We just h..." Tom glared at him with fury.  
"Cool down. It's just lunch. Remember you passed out not too long ago. And I won't let you go home without a bit of food first."  
In perfect timing his stomach growled lightly which made the Aussie chuckle. "Come on then. They've got great chicken soup."  
"Okay. Fine." Tom gave in as he actually was starving.

 

They sat down at a small table by the windows, their bags on the floor beside them. Silently they both watched the people walking by until the waitress showed up to take their orders. Before Tom could open his mouth to order Chris had already ordered for both of them.  
Angrily glaring at Chris Tom snarled "I can order for myself, you know!"  
The Aussie chuckled "Sure. But you'd surely have ordered the wrong stuff. It's really important to eat the proper stuff if you want to build up muscles in a short period of time."  
"You've already said that." Tom had wanted the cheeseburger with a huge load of fries but this wouldn't with Chris being there.

Again they sat in silence until Chris asked "So why are you not looking?" When the Brit just ignored him he continued "Had a bad experience recently?" Still no reaction "You know a one-night-stand would be fine with me as well."   
Finally Tom looked at him but not interested as Chris had hoped but as if he wanted to kill him with his glare. Deciding to tease Tom a bit more Chris said "You know I was hoping you'd join me in the shower, so I'd get a proper look at that beast on your thigh."  
"What do you want?" Tom snapped at him.  
"Well, I told you that I think you're hot a..." Right then the waitress brought their soups and Chris fell quiet.

For a moment Tom considered storming out and leaving Chris alone but his stomach insisted that he'd eat something first and to his surprise the conversation slipped to normal things. Chris asked him about his acting: had he trained, had he always known he wanted to be an actor from the start, etc. In return he told Tom about his own career and how he'd come from Australia to London to play rugby in a A league team but had injured his leg and now had to be a personal trainer.  
"But you know, it's a good job. People are generally nice."  
"Why didn't you go back home?"  
"Well, my parents didn't react kindly when I told them I'd found a boyfriend in London. I'd never had the guts to tell them I was gay. Not until José. But he broke up with me a short while later. I'd lost my family and lover. Two months later I was knocked down in a game and my cruciate ligament had been torn. That was it. Game over."  
"Sorry to hear that." Tom actually felt sorry for Chris.  
"Don't have to be. And you? What's your story? Why don't you want to date a gorgeous Australian."  
"I..." He didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell Chris about Stephen. "It's complicated."  
"I've got time."  
"Listen, you seem to be really nice. But I've just gone through too much shit to go into the next disaster."  
"Sounds bad. You wanna talk about it?"  
"No. Absolutely not." Tom couldn't help but notice the disappointment on Chris face, so he added. "But as we'll be working together for a bit, maybe we can be friends."  
A huge grin spread on the Aussie's face "Sounds great."

 

About half an hour later they headed to the Tube together, only to find they lived in opposite directions.   
"Then I'll see you tomorrow, Tom. Same time?"  
Thinking about the crowd that morning Tom suggested "Maybe an hour later?"  
"Yeah. Less crowded." Chris gestured to the platform and Tom nodded. "Then see you tomorrow. Ten o'clock."  
"Right. Bye."

 

Once home Tom wanted to smack his head against the wall. Why had he offered the Aussie to be friends? Not that he didn't like Chris. The danger was that Chris would start asking questions that Tom wasn't willing to answer which only would cause more questions. 

But to his surprise nothing like that happened. They trained together daily and usually went for lunch or sometimes dinner together talking about music, movies and much more. After the first week Tom's muscles started to get used to the lifting, pushing etc. and he wasn't too sore anymore after the training with Chris.

 

About two weeks into their training Tom was lying on a bench pressing some weights when he caught Chris, who was standing above him, staring at him or to be more precise: his lower half. Occasionally Chris had playfully flirted with him over the last two weeks but nothing serious. It felt more like a friend teasing a friend then anything else - at least to Tom. Chris definitely was cute but Tom just hadn't felt the need for physical contact in ages and he didn't think he ever would again. 

Eventually Chris' gawking made him feel more and more uncomfortable. What was the Aussie staring at? Following Chris' glance Tom wondered if it was his dragon tattoo or the slightly visible bulge in his pants that drew his new friend's attention. He felt more insecure with every second, however, he didn't dare to call Chris upon it. Luckily two young girls, Linda and Anne-Marie, stopped by to greet them - or better Chris. They also were in pretty much every day and obviously tried to attract Chris' attention by wearing tiny shorts and tops. You could basically see there tits, especially when they were running on the treadmills. 

 

Afterwards Tom stripped off his sweat soaked shirt in the locker room as usually, grabbed a towel and fresh undies and his jeans and headed to the shower stalls. Chris was still outside talking to a colleague, so Tom felt a little more at ease. It almost drove him crazy when he had to watch Chris strip completely naked before heading to the showers. He'd gotten a good glance at what Chris had to offer and a part of him wished he could appreciate it more, that he wasn't damaged goods.

When he was done with his shower Tom dried himself before slipping into his undies and jeans. The stalls were big enough that his things didn't get soaked but the edges of the legs of his jeans always got a little wet.   
Two weeks ago he only could have worn those jeans with a belt and now they were fitting perfectly. Grinning at the proof of his progress he stepped outside and nearly let out a loud scream when he found Chris standing right in front of him.  
"Jesus, mate. You nearly gave me a heart-attack!" Tom chuckled lightly taking in the Aussie's dripping body only a towel around his hips made it bearable for him to look at the Aussie.  
"Why do you always get fully dressed in there? You've got such a beautiful tattoo but never show it off."  
"I..." Not knowing what to say Tom stared back at Chris.  
"You don't feel comfortable showing it. I figured that. But why? You've got a great body and I don't think you're afraid I'd see your tiny dick as it obviously is anything else than tiny. What is it Tom?"  
Furrowing his brows Tom fought the tears wanting to well up in his eyes. Helpless he racked his brains for something to say until he finally spat "Keep your eyes off my cock!" at Chris before angrily brushing past him.   
Most people would have felt offended but Chris just stared after his friend. Worried.


	4. Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being rude to Chris Tom invites him to go out with him and Ben. They have a great time until Chris gets carried away...

It was a Saturday a few days later and the gym was packed with people. The entire time during training Tom prayed Chris wouldn't make him go into the sauna afterwards like he had the last two days. Luckily it had only been the two of them, Tom with the towel firmly wrapped around his waist while Chris laid it out and stretched his entirely naked body out for Tom to see. But as today the place was packed the sauna would surely be as well and Tom wasn't going in there. No way! 

Relieved Tom relaxed when Chris said they'd end for today.   
"You okay, Tom? You seem a bit tense. I could give you a massage if you're too sore."  
"No. I'm fine."   
They headed to the locker-room together were as usually they stripped - or in Tom's case half-stripped - before heading to the showers. To Tom's horror all the stalls were occupied.  
"Come on, mate." Chris gestured to the spot next to him.  
"I'll wait."   
Shrugging his shoulders Chris continued to shower. A few more guys came in most of them naked which made Tom feel more and more like a fool as he was standing there in his shorts holding his jeans and towel. Why couldn't those guys in the stalls shower faster?

It felt like hours had passed when the first stall opened (although it had barely been 5 minutes) but when Tom saw the mess the guy had left behind he quickly walked out again close to vomiting. Chris caught his eye who was still standing under the spray grinning at him once more gesturing to the spot beside him which happened to be right at the wall Tom noticed.  
Inhaling deeply Tom nodded. He could do this!

He quickly brought his clothes back to his locker wrapped the towel around his hips before tugging his shorts and undies down from underneath it. The guy who'd left the mess in the stall stared at him slightly amused and Tom glared back at him angrily. Why couldn't that wanker drain his disgusting hair and not leave the stall decorated by them?! Had he shaved his pubes in there?!  
Eventually Tom headed back to the showers inhaling deeply. He walked up to the spot next to Chris where he untugged his towel making sure he was facing the wall, so nobody could see him before heading into the small space.  Hip-high walls separated the showers but they didn't cover much - at least not when you were over six foot. As quickly as possible Tom washed himself occasionally glancing over at Chris. His heart nearly stopped when he caught the Aussie staring who only grinned when he noticed he'd been caught.  
"Love the tattoo." He winked at him before continuing to ogle him. "But still can't see the whole thing."  
Tom was angry, ashamed, insecure and embarrassed all at the same time. "Fuck!" He stepped closer to the small wall to make sure Chris wouldn't get to see his dick before he took a step to the side revealing his tattoo-covered thigh to the Aussie. "Happy now?!" He snapped but unfortunately his loud tone attracted more attention and every guy in there with them stared at him.  
"Fucking amazing." Chris' eyes were fixed on the black ink on Tom's thigh so that he didn't see the tears falling from his friends face.  
"Enough." Tom eventually spun around turning his back on Chris as he quickly finished his shower tears running down his face. He didn't even bother to wash his hair, he could do that at home. 

 

A while later they were sitting in the locker-room again ready to get dressed. Chris had led Tom to the furthest corner and taken place next to him. He knew Tom was uncomfortable with being seen naked so he stood beside him with his back facing him to block out the other guys' view while his friend got dressed. Tom had been shaking when they'd headed out of the showers and Chris had the feeling it wasn't because he was cold.

 

As usually they headed out together and when just the two of them stood in the elevator Chris turned towards him "Thanks for showing me. I know it wasn't easy for you, although I have no idea why. You don't have to hide, Tom. You're beautiful. I mean it. And if anybody ever told you the opposite he's a liar."  
His jaw dropped Tom blinked his eyes fast to stop the tears welling up from falling. How could Chris be so perceptive about him. And he also couldn't hide his tears now as the huge Aussie hugged him tightly against his broad chest.   
"If you ever want to talk, I'm there for you." 

First Tom let himself be held but when he realised that Chris might get the wrong idea he pushed him away snapping a short "I'm fine” at him." Right on cue the elevator door opened and before Chris could react Tom was sprinting out of the building and down the street.

 

Once at home Tom felt bad about the way he had treated the Aussie, after all he'd been a good friend offering comfort, plus he should have thanked him for being his living wall in the locker room. Sighing he grabbed his phone  
-Sorry about earlier. I was being a prick. Thanks for you being such a good friend, although I hardly know you.-  
He quickly pressed send before he changed his mind then another idea crossed his mind  
-Going out with a friend tonight. Care to join us?-

Nervously he sat in front of his phone waiting for Chris response. Would he forgive him? And then his phone vibrated  
-It's alright, Tom. I know you didn't mean to be rude. And you're very welcome. I'd love to go out with you guys tonight. Where should we meet?-  
A grin spread on his face Chris wasn't angry at him although he'd been a dick. Great.

 

Tom was slightly nervous when he was on his way to the pub where he'd meet with Ben and Chris. They'd eat together before going to the club. Tom had made sure to look his best as being seen with Ben could easily draw attention these days starting with fangirls and ending with paparazzi. He was wearing tight black jeans and boots, a tight navy-blue cotton t-shirt and a leather jacket. Ben grinned at him when he saw him coming down the street.  
"Hi, buddy. You look amazing." Ben grinned at him before tugging him into a hug.  
"You don't look too shabby yourself. Sherlock."  
"Yeah, Mr. Vampire. Soon you'll have a squeaking crowd of fangirls and boys as well."  
"Don't know about that."  
"But I do. And apparently your training hasn't been without success." Ben teasingly squeezed his upper arms."  
"Well, I hope so." A thick Australian accent said from behind Ben and they both turned to greet the tall Aussie.  
"Hi, Chris." Tom gave him a small wave, a bit like a school girl would. "Chris, that's my friend Ben. Ben, that's Chris."  
The two men exchanged a handshake greeting each other before they headed inside.

 

The place was crowded mostly around the bar where tonights big football match was on. They headed to a quiet corner in the back were they chatted about random things until Chris admitted he was a big Sherlock fan.  
"How do you guys know each other?"  
After a short moment of silence Ben offered "Well, we've worked together once and became friends. How could you not with a guy like Tom."  
"Yeah, he's really easy to get along with," Chris agreed which made Tom blush.

They ordered food and Chris even allowed Tom to order fish and chips. "You'll just have to put in an extra hour of training for that," he joked.  
Tom was happy how easily Ben and Chris got along. Great, maybe they could go out more often then together. 

After the pub they headed over to a club where Ben's VIP status brought them into the VIP section of the club. They had a little booth to themselves where they could withdraw to if they wanted. They'd ordered a round of drinks and talked about work and movies mostly. Also Ben grilled Chris a little about his past.   
They just downed another round of drinks when R. Kelly's Ignition came on and Tom immediately jumped up. "I love that song." He shrugged out of his jacket and headed over to the dance floor. Both Ben and Chris stared after him.

They watched him for a while and when Ben turned and saw the way Chris stared at his friend almost drooling he called him upon it. "So what's your intention with Tom?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You're his friend. Okay. But you want more from him!" Ben's eyes bore into Chris' seeking the truth."  
"I... Fuck! Does he have a nipple piercing?!"  
Ben looked over at his mate where the little metal ring was clearly visible under the tight, thin shirt. "Obviously. So?" Ben's tone got harsher.  
"He's hot, yeah. I wouldn't mind dating him but he's said that's not an option which is fine. If he needs time, I'll happily give it to him." Ben nodded briefly before Chris added "Do you know what happened to him?"  
The actor looked at him in light shock. What does the Aussie know? "What do you mean?"  
"Well, he's very shy." Chris broke out laughing as they both watched Tom dancing like crazy. He'd never seen him this happy. "I mean, look at him. Right now he's happy and somehow I've got the feeling that's how he is normally. Or at least used to be. So hat happened to him?"  
Ben just shook his head "If he's ready, he might tell you one day."  
"Has he been abused by his ex or something?"   
Ben's jaw dropped automatically and Chris knew he'd hit the bullseye or was very close to it. He just wanted to ask for more details when suddenly Tom jumped onto the sofa next to him downing his drink in one go.  
"Come on you guys. Let's dance." 

Chris didn't know if it was the alcohol but Tom had somehow changed, become more cheerful. And that heart-stopping smile!   
"In a bit, mate." He wasn't finished grilling Ben after all, however, when he looked over the actor was gone.   
"Your loss." Tom headed back to the dance floor swaying his hips to the beat. Occasionally when he'd lift his hands up Tom's shirt rode up a little and Chris could see a bit of his flat belly, the thin trail of hair eventually disappearing in his jeans and the head of the dragon inked into his soft white skin. Swallowing hard Chris watched him for a while until he gathered all his courage and headed over to Tom making sure his semi-hard wasn't showing too much.

Tom's dancing was intoxicating for Chris especially his ass moving from side to side in those tight jeans... Soon Chris cock was pressing hard against the confinement of his jeans and when Tom started rotating his hips to Hips Don't Lie he grabbed the Brit from behind placing his huge palm against Tom's flat stomach and slowly brought his moving backside to his front. At first Tom didn't notice (or choose to ignore) Chris' hard-on but then he froze.  
"Relax, Tom. You're so fucking amazing." On instinct Chris thrust his hips forward into Tom's soft buttocks that was when his stupor left him and in the blink of an eye he was running. "Shit!" 

 

When Chris returned to their sofa he found Ben grabbing Tom's jacket heading off to the exit.  
"Hey, wait!"  
Ben spun around and glared daggers at him. "What the fuck did you do?"  
"Nothing. I ju... I danced with him and got hard. He was just too..."  
"Fuck you, mate! You know he's sensible in that way and the first opportunity you have you shove your hard-on into him?! Fucking idiot!" Ben turned and stormed off but Chris easily followed him.  
"Where is he? I want to apologise."

To his surprise Ben took him with him to Tom's flat after trying his phone twice and finding it in his jacket. "Let's just hope he went home!"  
Chris could sense just how nervous Ben was when he rang Tom's door bell. The seconds ticked by feeling like minutes but finally Tom opened. Wordlessly Ben held out his jacket and Tom gripped it.   
"I'm really sorry, Tom. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I... You were just too gorgeous." Chris quickly apologised before Tom could shout at him to fuck off.   
But Tom just nodded, muttered a quiet "thanks" and closed the door again.

"Shit. Is he alright? I don't think we should leave him alone." Chris pointed to the door when Ben turned to leave.  
"He's okay." Ben headed towards the stairs.  
"How can you call yourself his friend and leave him like that now?!" Chris was angry. Clearly Tom needed his friend(s).  
"I know him. And when he's like that and you overdo it by being too caring, he'll only shut off completely. When he's ready he'll contact you. Or more likely me. Now move your ass you dumb Australian Teddy bear." Ben tried hard not to worry too much about his friend. A few years back Tom would have dragged him into his flat, to his bed and cuddled against him would have cried until he'd fallen asleep. But not anymore...

 

Tom sat on his sofa his knees tugged to his chest as he listened to Ben and Chris leaving. He was so confused. The first instinct on feeling Chris' hard-on was to wiggle his ass against it but then he realised what that meant and he'd lost it. He didn't want to fall back to old habits...

 

  
_He'd been released from the clinic as the doctors were sure he wasn't a danger for himself anymore and he was clean. However, he felt empty and lonely. His mum had arranged a new flat for him, so he wouldn't have to remember anything bad whenever he entered the old one. Then he still had his old looks, only his hair were cut short as he couldn't stand those stupid curls any longer. Usually he stayed in watching telly, reading or drowning in self-pity._

_His mum had called at least three times a day to make sure he was fine and when she knew he'd always stay at home she'd tell him to get out. At the beginning his sisters would come around dragging him out but eventually he headed out by himself from time to time._

_He'd always loved dancing, so he headed over to a club not far from his flat and the music and dancing helped him forget. At least until one night he'd been approached by a guy on his way home._   
_"Hey, sexy. Where are going?" It was an old, fat guy and Tom's initiate reaction was to run but somehow he didn't._   
_"What do you want?"_   
_"How about you go home with me? You're the hottest thing I've ever seen."_   
_It had felt so good that someone seemed to appreciate him and he had felt lonely, so he had agreed. They reached the guys car and he held the door open for Tom. Grinning he got in and waited for the guy to join him. Inside all his senses were screaming that he shouldn't do this but he silenced it._

_The guy drove a few blocks before parking his car in a dark alley. Fumbling for his wallet nervously he eventually asked "How much for a blow job?"_   
_Tom was totally dumbfounded how could that guy think he... "Filthy whore, you dirty slut..." All the names he'd been called ran on a loop through his head and he just said "50 bucks" in the end._

_A week later he was at the same club after having spent the £50 pounds on the piercings in his ear. He was at the bar getting a drink when a young guy approached him and asked him to dance with him. He'd just looked at him with an empty glance and said "50 for a blow job, 150 for the real deal."_  
 _A week later he'd gotten the skull tattoo._  
_Luckily he'd had his first appointment with Maggie on Monday._

 

 

 

Tom still sat on his sofa crying now. The loneliness he'd felt back then was back and he actually considered going out and... No! The alternative was to hurt himself. But how? Another tattoo or piercing would be the perfect solution but it was the middle of the night.  
Also he could call Maggie. She'd given him her mobile number for emergencies. But no! He wasn't that weak. Pulling his shirt off he finally had an idea. He grabbed the tiny ring in his right nipple and tugged as if he wanted to rip it out. Good! That felt good!

By the time he felt better his nipple was swollen and throbbing in pain. A welcome feeling. Relieved he headed to the bathroom where he changed into his pyjamas and brushed his teeth. He was so tired and exhausted. Lying on his side he soon fell asleep.

 

 

_They had been training for four hours already and his muscles were completely sore when Chris announced "30 minutes on the treadmill and then we'll go to the sauna."_   
_Nodding Tom headed over and set his pace before getting on. It always amused him that Chris setting was way slower and he'd be out of breath way quicker than himself._

_He could already hear Chris panting from beside him when the Aussie said "About Saturday. I'm really sorry. I..."_   
_"It's alright. Let's just forget about it. Okay?" They still had a few weeks of training together ahead of them, so Tom had decided the best was to ignore it._   
_"Sure. If that's what you want."_

_About half an hour later they were getting into the sauna which luckily was empty, so they had it for themselves. Tom took a seat on the middle bench making sure his towel was still in place and leaned back enjoying the heat relaxing his sore muscles. Chris spread out his towel on the lowest bench on the other side before lying down on his back presenting his flawless body to Tom who quickly averted his gaze._

_"Make sure your towel is properly spread out underneath you. After all you don't want your balls being trapped between two battens."_   
_Raising an eyebrow he eventually looked at his naked trainer again. "What?"_   
_"Well, we've had a guy whose balls got trapped. Had to call the fire brigade."_   
_Tom's fingers slipped over the gap between two battens and mumbled to himself "Way too small for my balls."_   
_"I bet." Chris was grinning at him but not at his face. Only now he noticed that with his usual sitting position Chris had a good view of his genitals. Blushing crimson he tugged his legs together making sure Chris couldn't see his privates anymore._

_They were silent for a while and his mind had wandered to his appointment with Maggie when a sudden groan drew his attention to his friend. Shocked he watched Chris fingers wrapped around his shaft stroking himself. There actually was a bit of precum already. The Aussie's eyes were squeezed shut as he continued to masturbate. He really wanted to look away but he found that he couldn't and then something happened that startled him more then anything else: his own cock grew hard._   
_Just when his towel began to tent Chris' eyes opened again and stared right into his. Grinning the Aussie sat up and reached for his towel tugging it off his covered erection and the friction of the fabric against his engorged cock only made it worse._   
_"Such a beautiful cock. Can I suck it some time?" Chris eyes were fixed between his legs, almost like a starving animal would look at its prey and then his fingers were on him..._   
  


 

Gasping for air Tom shot up in his bed right when his cock began pulsing his sperm into his boxers. Fuck!   
In shock he tugged his blanket back only to see his still lightly twitching cock in his undies. This was new. And because of the arousing dream he felt more confused then ever. He couldn't feel like that! Not after what had happened! He'd never wanted to have sex again, nevermind masturbating. This was wrong.  
Suddenly he felt more disgusted with himself than he had in a long while. He tore off his clothes and jumped into his tub starting to scrub himself madly with boiling hot water. 

Once he was done he felt a little better, at least until tears started to fall. Why was he feeling like that? He should be able to enjoy a nice wank from time to time but instead he felt guilty and disgusting whenever he came. He should talk to Maggie about that. Well, they had before, at least a little. Or better Maggie had. She once had said pretty much at the beginning that he shouldn't feel guilty for still wanting his pleasure every now and then. But he had just shrugged his shoulders inwardly putting a chastity device on himself.

 

It was still early but he couldn't get back to sleep, so he sat on his sofa where his jacket was lying. He picked it up to put it away finding his phone in it. There were two calls from Ben from earlier when he had run and a text from Chris from about two hours ago.  
-I'm really sorry. I just got carried away by you. You're a really great dancer. I don't know what happened to you, but I'm there if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. I hope I didn't ruin our friendship with this stupidity. Sorry again. Chris-

He had to smile involuntarily and a part of him wished that Chris was there to comfort him. To distract his thoughts he turned on the telly and cuddled onto the sofa.

 

After going for his morning run he decided to visit his mum. That would take his mind off of Chris and what happened, plus he wouldn't be tempted to hurt himself. 

It was a hot summer day and they relaxed in her garden but she wouldn't be his mum if she didn't catch that something was bothering him.  
"What is it, darling? Are you okay?"  
He fake smiled at her and nodded "Fine."  
"Don't lie to me. Something's bothering you."  
Sighing he looked at her "There's this guy. I... He's cute but I just can't... It's weird."  
"Oh, darling. That's something good if you like him. Why don't you ask him out?"  
"I can't, mum. Never again."  
"You don't have to sleep with him."  
"Yeah, as if he'd understand that."  
"If he really likes you, he will." She patted his thigh.  
"Mum, I'm really thankful for you being there for me but I just can't talk with you about that."  
"Right. I understand that." Her face suddenly had a worried expression.  
"I have an appointment with Maggie tomorrow." He could literally see the relief spreading on her face which made him chuckle.

The rest of he day went by in a blur and before he knew it he was in his bed again falling asleep.

 

  
_They had trained for five hours plus an hour in the sauna. He was exhausted and just wanted to go home. He was standing in one of the shower stalls and washing away the sweat on his body when the door suddenly opened. Had he forgotten to lock it?_  
 _In panic he pressed himself into the corner his hands covering his privates. Eventually a smiling Chris entered and locked the door._  
 _"What are you doing in here?"_  
 _"You invited me in. Didn't even lock the door. God, you're so gorgeous." Chris approached him and pressed their lips together._  
 _He could feel Chris' semi-hard cock against his and couldn't help but get a little hard himself. They kissed a bit longer and eventually Chris started to stroke his body, tease his nipples and rub his dick lightly._  
 _"You're fucking perfect."_  
 _Before he knew it the Aussie spun him around pressing his front against the cool tiles._  
 _"This will be amazing."_  
 _He wanted to ask "what" but the answer came with Chris pushing a finger into his butt. He wanted to protest as panic washed over him but he couldn't speak or move. The Aussie stretched him a little with lubed up fingers and eventually entered him with his thick cock. By that time he was rock-hard himself rutting into the wall for some friction..._

 

Tom slowly woke drenched in sweat lying on his belly and thrusting his hips into his mattress. He was hard and close already precum soiling another pair of boxers. Quickly turning to his side he wanted to end the disgusting thing he was doing but the friction of his boxers moving against his erection was enough to send him over.

 

Like the day before he showered under hot water until his skin was crimson. When he left the bathroom he saw it only was 3.20 in the morning, so he headed back to his bed, after all he hadn't slept much the previous day either. But his thoughts kept him tossing and turning until he finally gave up at 5.30 and got up. 

He'd meet with Chris at 10 which had become their usual training time. Luckily his appointment with Maggie was already before that as he didn't really know how to react to Chris actions from Saturday. 

His appointment was for 8 o'clock but he was in front of Maggie's practice already at 7.45. He waited outside on the stairs for her secretary to open the door. His last appointment had been 4 weeks ago which currently was their usual interval. At the beginning he'd come here twice a week, then once, then bi-weekly and now for the last 5 months only once a month. However, he always could call her which luckily so far hadn't been necessary.

"Tom! Morning." The dark-haired woman smiled at him, at least until she saw the dark rings underneath his eyes. "Shit, what happened? You look horrible."  
"Thanks." He slowly got up shaking her hand "Good to see you, too."  
Worried she stared at him whilst unlocking the door and leading him in.   
"Do you want a cup of coffee or something?"  
"Coffe would be great. Thanks." Tom basically fell onto the sofa he'd spent a lot of time on already.

Eventually they had settled each holding a cup of coffee. "So, what happened, Tom?"  
"Well, I guess I'll start at the beginning..."  
He started with how he got the leading role in that vampire film and how he'd met Chris and ended with the events from Saturday night. "I've dreamt of him. He was touching me and last night I even dreamt of having sex with him. I came. It's... I can't... It's wrong. I can't feel like that. No way. I'm so disgusting." He started to hyperventilate.  
"Tom. Tom. Tom! Calm down." She placed her hand on his hand which was grabbing his thigh. "I was actually waiting for this. I mean it was clear that sooner or later you'd find someone attractive. And as I've said before there's nothing wrong with feeling or wanting pleasure."  
"But it is! As soon as someone made me feel... good I lost my mind. I fell for their game. Not only with... him. I... I feel so filthy and disgusted by myself."  
"Oh, Tom. Don't. It's only natural. Can you tell me what was your first thought or feeling when Chris pressed his erection against you?"

Furrowing his brows he thought about her question but felt he couldn't tell the truth, so he stayed quiet staring at his hands.  
"You felt aroused, didn't you?" When he looked back up at her he had tears in his eyes. "Oh, Tom, that's a good thing." She quickly sat down on the sofa next to him and hugged him. "You've been hurt and now you're healing. That's a good sign. Even your dreams. Your body's telling you what it wants. I know you're not ready for it and you feel confused by the whole situation. But why don't you give it a try?"  
"What?!" He stared at her slightly shocked.  
"Well, not the real thing. Start slow. Take as much time as you need. Talk to Chris."  
"And tell him what? _Oh, by the way I've done some porns because my ex manipulated me to do that. That's how stupid I am_." Tom's eyes were filled with tears and he felt the familiar anger boiling up in him again.   
"Tom! How many times! It wasn't your fault. You had feelings for Stephen and he betrayed them. That's not your fault." 

For a moment they sat quietly next to each other Tom fidgeting with his fingers until she said "You're thinking about getting another piercing or tattoo. Right?"  
Surprised he looked at her. Was he so easy to read?   
"Nothing extreme I hope. But promise me you'll talk to Chris before doing it. Just tell him that he took you by surprise. That you felt confused. Be honest with him. Tell him your ex used you and because of that it's hard for you to trust anybody. Which all is true. And once you feel comfortable enough with him you can go into more detail."  
"I don't think I can do that."  
"What the talking? Or going into more details later?"  
"Well, both. I..." A word blinked in front of his eyes "WHORE". "If I talk to him and tell him about being used, he surely will want to know more details. And I can't."  
"Then tell him you don't trust him enough yet to tell him more." Tom looked a bit helpless to her, so she hugged him again. "I know this all sounds too simple coming from me but I know you're fighting hard even with yourself but you're an amazing guy, Tom, with a huge heart and so far everyone you opened up to betrayed you in some way. It's only reasonable that your brain and body eventually protests. But also you've got so much love to give and you're worth being loved, you only have to find the right person. You could bring this Chris along and I'll check him out if you want."  
"Nice. A date at the psychiatrist. He'd love that, surely." Tom chuckled lightly.  
"Just try. Take him to a place where you feel comfortable and then talk to him. He'll understand."  
"Everything sounds so easy when you say it. But in my experience it's never that easy." He let his head hang thinking about how Chris would react to him later on. Then his text came back to his mind. "He actually sent me a text Saturday night, well, Sunday morning."

 

They talked until the next patient was already waiting and when Tom left, he actually felt positive about the whole thing. That was one of Maggie's big strengths: to make him feel better.   
However, it didn't last long. When he had picked up his gym bag from his flat and headed to the gym he could feel his nervousness growing with every foot he neared the gym and the confrontation with Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, in Europe you go completely naked to the sauna (just in case anyone was wondering)


	5. Talking and Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quite a fluffy chapter...

Tom was so nervous when he entered the building. His fingers were shaking when he pressed the button for the elevator. This was ridiculous! He wasn't a stupid, little school-girl on her first date, for fuck's sake! 

The elevator doors opened and Tom thought about just going back down and home but he needed to train. Filming would start in about six weeks and he wanted to be as fit as possible and if Chris wasn't prepared to train him further, he'd do it himself. Still in thoughts he almost went past Chris who was standing at the reception desk with some guy. When Tom finally saw him and their eyes met a wide smile spread in Chris' face which kind of unsettled Tom even more than he already was. 

As usually he changed into his shorts and t-shirt and when he put on his shoes the door opened and the Aussie came in.  
"Hey, mate. Are you okay?"  
"Fine." Sighing he figured the best was to attack the subject first. "About Saturday. Can we forget about it." Maybe he had an easy way out and Chris wouldn't bring it up again.  
Seemingly surprised the trainer stared at him for a moment "If that's what you want?"  
"Please. Let's just continue as before."  
"Okay. But my offer still stands. If you want to talk..."  
"Thanks." Tom finished tying his shoes and they started. 

 

About 4 hours later they were off to the sauna, they washed off the sweat from training and headed towards the booth, Chris nude with the towel over his shoulder and Tom had it firmly wrapped around the waist. The Aussie opened the door and turned towards him and smiled. It was a weird smile, almost like he was mocking him.  
"What's so funny?"   
"You look so different without your piercings." Chris admitted sheepishly.  
"Yeah, a certain Australian told me to take them out in the sauna."  
"And for a good reason." As usually Chris spread out his towel before lying down on it presenting his naked body.

Ignoring the Aussie Tom sat down in the middle row relaxing his entire body. The heat felt good and after two nights of hardly sleeping he was totally done.  
"You're an excellent dancer. Don't know if I said that." Chris grinned at him.  
"I guess you did. Thanks." Suddenly a deja vu washed over Tom, they were in the exact same positions as in his dream. Fuck! Without thinking much Tom crossed his legs which caused Chris to chuckle.  
"Why are you so shy, Tom? You're beautiful. And so is your cock."  
His eyes grew wide in shock, had Chris gotten his fill from their previous sauna visits already?!  
"Sorry, it's just, I couldn't help but take the occasional look. Maybe that's the reason for what happened on Saturday."

It was getting too much for Tom, he suddenly couldn't breathe anymore, so he jumped up and ran outside and hid in one of the showers. Placing his palms against the tiled wall he took in a couple of breaths. He'd calmed a little when there was a knock on the door.  
"You okay?" Chris. Why couldn't he just leave him alone? "I've got your towel." Only now he noticed that he was completely naked, he must have lost his towel on the way. As he looked down his body he realised in shock that he was semi-hard. Fucking hell!

 

Maggie's words ran back through his head as he stood under the ice-cold spray of the shower trying to regain control over his traitorous body.   
Eventually he re-emerged from the shower with the towel around his hips almost bumping into Chris who was standing right in front of the shower stall.  
"I know we said we could be friends but..." Chris started before Tom cut him off.  
"Not here. My place." Chris immediately smiled and nodded. "But don't think anything will happen!"

 

The whole time on the Tube to Tom's flat they didn't speak a word only occasionally exchanged a glance. Tom seemed really nervous and on edge and the Aussie didn't know what to say to calm him down.   
Wordlessly Chris followed Tom to his little flat. Unlocking the door the Brit motioned for him to get in. They pulled off their shoes before Tom led him to the sofa.  
"Sit down." Nodding and swallowing hard Chris did fighting to keep calm as the entire flat smelled intoxicatingly like Tom. "Want something to drink?"  
"No, thanks." The Aussie cleared his throat. "What I was trying to say earl..."  
"No! Don't. Listen first." Tom was pacing up and down nervously "I... What happened Saturday... I reacted like I did because I was surprise. And confused. I didn't think I'd ever feel that again. I... After what happened with my la... my ex I swore to myself I'd never feel anything for anyone ever again. I never wanted to have... to feel aroused by someone or something. So the more I was confused when I did. It's... weird. I'm... You don't want me, Chris."  
"Why don't you let me decide what I want or not. I've had a feeling about you having had a bad experience with an ex and I don't care."  
"It's not just that. I... I'll never have sex again. I can't!" Tom was crying, he'd already admitted more than he'd wanted to.  
"Shhhh. Why don't you sit down?" Chris gripped his hands and tugged him onto the sofa and into a tight embrace. "I don't know what that wanker did to you but it makes me want to kill him." His face buried in Chris neck Tom continued to cry while the Aussie held him tightly.

Like that they sat for a while until Tom's sobs slowly died down. All the time Chris gently stroked his back soothing him. Eventually the Brit moved away from him blinking his eyes a few times as he slowly realised what had happened.  
"I'm sorry. You can go now. I think I'll manage to train on my own from now on. But tha..."  
Chris pressed his index finger against Tom's soft lips shushing him. "You think you've scared me off?" Tom nodded looking like a small child with his eyes huge. "But you haven't." Pulling back his finger Chris leaned forwards and gently touched his lips to Tom's feeling the warm metal of his lip ring. "I'm there for you. And if you don't want me to be more than just a friend I'll manage, although I'd love to be more. We don't have to sleep with each other right away. Take your time and when you're comfortable enough...," he trailed off.  
"And if I'll never be ready?"  
"Then I'll still be there for you. You're an amazing guy, Tom. You deserve to be loved." Tom looked slightly frightened when he suddenly realised how close Chris was. Pulling back Chris gave him a reassuring smile.   
"I don't know if I can do that?" Tom looked close to panicking.  
"That?"   
He nodded as he slowly got up. "It's too... I can't get hurt. Not again."  
"I'll never hurt you. I promise." Chris grabbed Tom's hands and out of instinct pulled him close before kissing him properly for the first time. When the Brit's body stiffened Chris slowly pulled back looking at him. With a smile he saw that Tom's eyes were closed and his thin lips slightly parted. Eventually his tongue darted out between his lips to taste Chris upon them which almost drove the Aussie mad. He'd have loved to ravish Tom right that moment but if he had even tried, that would have been it.  
"You're amazing," he said instead and kissed him again slightly touching his tongue to Tom's still parted lips.

For a while they sat there their lips touching neither of them dared to move. Occasionally Chris would kiss Tom tenderly, however, so far he hadn't kissed back but also not protested.   
Once again Chris tongue explored around Tom's lips finding his lip ring and toying with it for a bit and then something touched Chris tongue. It took him a moment to realise it was Tom's tongue carefully brushing against his. And when Chris kissed the Brit again open-mouthed their tongues met and fought for dominance. 

 

Somehow Tom couldn't believe this was happening. Chris wasn't running despite his revelations but instead sitting there holding his hands and kissing him. First Tom wanted to run until he noticed that it was his flat and he couldn't run, well, at least not far away enough. When he eventually felt Chris tongue on his lip ring he was curious and touched his own tongue to the Aussie's. And then the real kissing started.   
He'd almost forgotten how could it could feel. He could spent the entire day kissing Chris. Slightly amused he noticed the Aussie tasted slightly like candy and coffee. A weird combination. This felt so amazing. Just too good he suddenly realised. His traitorous cock had filled with blood and was pressing against his jeans confinement. No. He couldn't do this. This was wrong.  
He jumped up and ran. But where should he run? His fingers carefully touched his slightly swollen lips as he just stood and stared at Chris who was still sitting on his sofa looking like deer caught in headlights.  
"You okay, Tom?" He wanted to get up but Tom gestured him to stay away.  
"I... This... It can't be. I'm... You have to go." Tom stuttered obviously panicking. He suddenly turned and headed down the corridor locking himself into his bathroom.

Panting hard Tom heard Chris cursing from down the hall. Why couldn't he just leave?   
"Tom, mate. I'm sorry if I was too forward. But I thought you were enjoying it." Tom nearly jumped out of his skin when the Aussie's voice appeared right behind the door.  
"Go away," he sobbed. When had he started crying?   
"Not until I know you're alright. I can call Ben or someone else if you like but I won't leave you alone."

Ignoring him Tom headed over to his sink staring at his nail scissors. He could hurt himself with it and he felt the sudden urge to do just that. Grabbing it he brought it to his wrist where a white scar greeted him. Inhaling deeply he touched the cold metal to his skin when suddenly his phone rang. It was in his gym bag in the living room. Shit.

For a moment there was only the ringing of his phone. Maybe Chris had finally left but only to proof him wrong he heard the ringing end and the Aussie speaking.   
"Hello? - Yes, that's me. He's told you about me? - Well, he is. Ahm, he's locked himself into the bathroom. - Hold on." Footsteps came closer and then there was a knock. "Tom? Your friend Maggie is on the phone. She wants to talk to you."

Maggie! How did she know?! Wordlessly he unlocked and opened the door ripping his phone from a dumbfounded Chris and locked himself in again.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi, Tom. What happened? Are you alright?"  
He saw that the scissors were still in his hand, so he dropped them before answering "Fine. Just... He kissed me."  
"Really?!" Maggie sounded excited. "What then?"  
"I... He... We..." Tom broke out in tears once again.  
"You liked it?" Her voice had changed from excited into worried. "But that's good, Tom."  
"I kissed him back. But then I got hard. It felt wrong all of a sudden."  
"But Tom, that's okay. I've told you millions of times that you should accept your body and what it wants. And needs."  
"But I don't want it."  
"You do, you just don't know it - or better can't accept it."

 

Chris didn't mean to pry but he couldn't resist either, so he stood with his ear against the door listening to Tom's part of the conversation. He'd heard Tom say that he got hard and it had felt wrong. So his ex hadn't only used him but abused him, Chris concluded. Poor Tom. But he wanted to be there for him.  
Suddenly he realised he shouldn't be listening, so he headed back into the living room. Right on cue his stomach growled angrily. Surely Tom was hungry as well. Heading to the kitchen he searched Tom's fridge and started to make lunch for them.

 

By the time Chris had finished cooking there still was no sign of Tom. Was he still locked up in the bathroom?   
"Tom?" Chris headed down the small hallway to find the bathroom door open but there was no Tom. "Where are you?" As there was no answer Chris continued down the hall to a closed door. He almost expected it to be locked but it wasn't. It was Tom's bedroom and there underneath his blanket Tom lay curled up into a foetal position.  
"Hey. You okay?" Tom kept staring straight ahead occasionally blinking his eyes. "I've made lunch for us." He sat down on the bed next to him.  
"Not hungry."  
"You have to eat."  
"Why don't you just leave."   
"I won't. Not until you've eaten something." The Brit let out a sigh but didn't move. "Tom, maybe it was too soon but don't tell me you didn't enjoy our kiss earlier." He gently reached for Tom's head in order to stroke his hair but before he even got close to him Tom suddenly sat up.  
"I fucking enjoyed it. Yes! Too much! I can't do this! Not again!"  
"Please, Tom. I promise I won't hurt you."   
"That was what Ste... he said as well. And then he tore me apart." Tears started to run down Tom's face. More out of reflex than intend Chris wrapped his arms around Tom and hugged him. When he realised what he'd done he was surprised that the Brit didn't flinch away.

For a while they just sat like that, Tom sobbing in his arms until he realised what was happening. Quickly pushing the Aussie away he covered himself to his chin with his blanket.   
"Go away. You don't have to play nice. I'll be fine. And I won't be mad at you."  
"What? What are you talking about?" Chris looked at him confused.  
"Nobody wants damaged goods. I understand that. I'm offering you a way out without embarrassing either of us."  
"Tom. I'm here because I like you. I want to be there for you. You might have been hurt in the past but I'm not going to run. You're a great person and I'd love to get to know you better."  
"I can't. I won't survive another..." He wanted to say broken heart but didn't. He had told the Aussie way too much already anyway. To his embarrassment his stomach let out an angry growl right that moment.

A smile spread on Chris face holding out a hand he got back up "Let's eat."  
With a sigh Tom nodded and slowly untangled his long limbs from his bedding and followed Chris to his kitchen.

 

All the time they ate they were silent which made it easy for Tom to go through what Maggie had said to him on the phone. Was he really going to let Stephen interfere with his future? He liked Chris, so why not dating him? He had felt good during their kiss, better than he had in a long time. Only because Stephen had been such a prick didn't mean Chris was as well. The Aussie had even cooked for him. Had stayed when he could have easily run away. But there was this overwhelming fear inside him, the fear to get hurt again. He wouldn't survive that. So was it worth risking it? He didn't know.

"Chris?"  
"Yeah?" The Aussie looked at him with wide eyes.  
"Thanks for lunch. It's really good."  
"You're very welcome."  
Suddenly an idea crossed his mind "Would you come along to the tattoo studio with me?"  
"Ahm, sure. You want another one?"  
He nodded while munching on a piece of broccoli. "The skull. It doesn't feel complete. I want some lines from Hamlet beneath it."  
"Shakespeare, ha? Can't say I get much out of that."  
"No? Have you ever seen a play or merely read it?"  
"We had to read Macbeth in school. Horrible."  
Chuckling Tom shook his head "Well, then we have to go to the theatre some time."

Fascinated Chris listened to Tom rambling on about the bard and his great work. The quiet, introvert guy had suddenly turned into a bubble full of life and passion and Chris fell even more in love with him. However, he also got angrier as somehow he knew this was how Tom had been before whatever happened with his ex. If he ever found out who had done this to Tom, he'd kill him.   
In the end they agreed to go and see Julius Caesar which was on at the National Theatre on Saturday together after going for dinner. 

 

About an hour later, after cleaning up they entered a tattoo studio. Tom greeted the owner with a hug and introduced Chris.  
"You're friend needs a tattoo, Tom."   
"Yeah, he'd surely look good with one. But no, I actually want a few lines from Hamlet beneath the skull tattoo."  
"Ah, to be or not to be." The guy grinned.  
"Yeah, just a little more."  
Chris listened to Tom explaining and writing down from memory what he wanted.  
"Okay. I'll need a bit to figure out the best way to do it. Go for a coffee and come back in about an hour."

 

Instead for going for a coffee they headed over to the park and took a walk. Like lovers, Chris thought. "You like Shakespeare. A lot." It wasn't a question.  
"Yes. That obvious?"  
"Well, the way you talk about it... Your eyes become all shiny and you seem to, well, glow."  
"Yeah?"  
"Mhm. It's very sweet. And I think that's how you really are."  
"How I really am?" Tom looked at him confused.  
"Yeah, a large bundle of positive energy, cheery and smiling. Suites you better than moody and slightly depressive."  
Tom thought about it and suddenly felt naked in a way. Was he really so easily to depict for the Aussie? "Do you think?"  
"Yes. Makes me want to beat the living grab out of your ex."  
"Loved to see that. Might actually help you there. He's married, you know. Told me it was simply a front. Should have known there was something wrong with him."  
Chris couldn't help but notice that Tom blamed himself – at least partly. "Whatever happened is not your fault."  
The Brit gave him a small smile "How can you say that? You don't know what happened."  
"And I don't have to. You're definitely still heart broken, I can tell. So whatever he did, it's not your fault. I can tell you loved him but he broke the trust you put in him. Loving someone's always somehow, well, making yourself vulnerable to the other person and that's not to be messed with."  
"Jesus, Chris. That was soooo gay." Tom teased him and they both laughed.

Silently they kept walking towards the small pond where ducks quacked when Tom grabbed Chris' hand and held it. "I'd do everything for him and, I guess, he knew that. He manipulated me into doing things I didn't want. I... It..."  
Chris could hear his voice breaking, so he tightly squeezed his hand. "You don't have to say more. It's okay. Thanks for trusting me with that. You're amazing." He stopped and turned to face the actor and before he knew what he was doing, his lips were pressed against the Brit's. Slightly shocked by his own action he was totally surprised when Tom returned the kiss.

"Get a room, you fucking poofters!" Someone shouted and they quickly parted realising where they were. A few people were looking at them one of them an angry looking guy holding a child's hand. "Disgusting." He spat at them.  
Tom could feel Chris tense up, so he quickly said "And you should watch your mouth in front of your child, Mister."  
An old lady and some others nodded or laughed. 

Not knowing where the sudden boldness came from Tom turned Chris away from the guy and they started to head in the other direction. Looking over his shoulder Tom made sure the guy was still looking when he kissed Chris on the cheek and squeezed the Aussie's buttock for everyone to see.   
"Now he's boiling. Stupid idiot."   
Chris just chuckled although Tom's touch had gotten him a bit excited.

 

A bit later a topless Tom was sitting in front of him his face trying not to show the pain the buzzing needle inking colour into his skin caused. Tom's hands were firmly held in Chris' and they kept eye contact the whole time. 

 

* * *

 

 

Saturday evening they went out and had dinner, only the two of them. Tom was super nervous as he hadn't had an actual date in ages. Ben had offered to join them, to basically be Tom's rescue in case he wanted out but they had agreed that if it would be necessary Tom would text him. So they sat in a quiet corner of an Italian restaurant and dined.

"You're the middle child as well?!" Chris asked when Tom told him about his sisters.  
"Yeah, although, I guess, Emma wasn't planned. I love them. What about you?"  
"My brothers and I were a horrible bunch, always driving mum nuts. She's a doctor, you know." Chris sighed obviously remembering good times with them. "I still talk to Luke and Liam. Luke's the only one in the family who doesn't have a problem with me being gay, I guess. Liam - he's also an actor actually - seemed to be disappointed. Probably because he looked up to me and felt like I let him down. I don't know. It's complicated."  
"But he still can look up to you. You didn't kill anybody, you're just gay."  
"I know. I guess it was just too great a shock for them after seeing me with women. Have you ever...?"  
"Dated a girl?" Chris nodded "No. And before you ask, I haven't fucked one either."  
"So how do you know you don't like it?"  
"I don't. But I like flat chests and dicks, so..."  
They laughed and talked for a while longer until it was time to go to the theatre, with Tom telling him how his mum had simply asked him and how she had reacted contrary to what he had expected and feared for years.

 

* * *

 

"Wow, that was amazing."  
"Told you so." Tom teased as they headed to the tube.   
Chris was still astound by how different Tom was that night, more playful and charming but also a bit shy, blushing when Chris made a joke. It was perfect.

They reached Tom's flat and Chris prepared for saying "good night" and kissing his date. He just wanted to open his mouth to thank Tom for a great evening when the Brit shyly smiled at him.  
"Fancy a drink?"  
"Ahm, okay."  
A huge smile spread over Tom's face as he grabbed Chris' hand and led him upstairs. 

 

Drinking beer they sat on Tom's sofa their knees touching. Chris was still overwhelmed by the play although he often didn't understand what the actors where saying but the whole thing had him gripped and he understood Tom's passion for Shakespeare.  
"We have to do this again." As Tom furrowed his brows Chris quickly added "Dating. And going to the theatre. It was a great evening. Best date ever. Thanks, Tom." He leaned forward and stole a kiss.

Tom felt happier than in ages. For the last couple of hours he'd totally forgotten about his heartache, well, generally he forgot about it when he was with Chris. The Aussie's kisses also felt good, so when he leaned in again Tom turned slightly so their lips met and out of instinct Tom reached for Chris head holding him in place while their lips and eventually tongues fought for dominance. Lightheaded Tom closed his eyes totally immersing himself in the moment. Chris' hand had come up to cup his head as well and his fingers were now stroking through his hair. It was perfect. At least until Tom's cock came to life. 

At first he didn't realise it only when the pain of his trapped erection drew his attention to it. As usually his jeans where very tight, so his poor dick didn't have much room and as it swelled to hardness, Tom let out a hiss and pulled back.  
"I can't, Chris. I'm sorry."  
"We don't have to do anything. It's just kissing." Puzzled the Aussie stared at him, it wasn't possible that Tom had felt his boner in that position.  
"I... It... I'm not ready."  
"That's okay. I understand that."  
"Would you please go? I'd like to go to bed."  
"Sure. We won't rush anything. You set the pace, you just have to tell me when to stop."  
"Thanks, Chris. I really like you and I hope I don't scare you off."  
They headed to the door and Chris squeezed his hand reassuringly "You won't. I promise. Night, Tom. See you Monday."  
"Night. I thought that maybe we could go to the park tomorrow."  
A huge smile spread on the Aussie's face "I'd love to. What time?"  
"Maybe 2 pm?"  
"Great. I'll pick you up."  
"Night, Chris." To the Aussie's surprise Tom leaned in and kissed his cheek and Chris could feel what probably had caused Tom to panic – his own hard-on.

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks and numerous dates later they once again sat on Tom's sofa kissing. So far that was the only sexual thing they had done but Chris didn't mind. Occasionally he had caught a glimpse of Tom's hard cock confined in his jeans which usually brought an end to what they where doing. 

They'd been to the cinema watching a romance with a sex scene in it and Tom had unconsciously gripped Chris hand and as soon as they had entered Tom's flat the Brit had been all over him kissing down his neck. It hadn't taken long for the Aussie to get hard especially when Tom also started to stroke his arms. He, however, held back as he knew it would be over as soon as Tom got aroused. 

To his surprise he saw that he actually was aroused already when Tom eventually pulled back. Chris expected Tom to kick him out but instead the Brit's eyes lowered to his crotch. 

 

Tom felt save with Chris, so far the Aussie hadn't even tried to touch him. Tonight, however, he wanted to be touched, he wanted to feel the Aussie's hands on his body, so he started to stroke his arms but Chris just sat there kissing him back with his hand buried in his long black hair. Slightly frustrated he eventually pulled back. How could he ask for what he wanted? And did he really want it in the first place?  
His eyes descended to Chris erection trapped in his pants. His own hard cock was screaming in agony to be freed and taken care of but no. He wasn't ready for that.

Out of a sudden impulse Tom jumped Chris pressing the Aussie backwards onto his sofa. Chris eyes were wide but he didn't say a word only let Tom take the lead. The Brit placed his body eventually between Chris' slightly spread thighs and lay onto him continuing their kisses. Automatically Chris legs fell further apart, so that Tom's hips perfectly fitted between his thighs. Neither of them could stifle the gasp that came out once their hard cocks rubbed against each other through their jeans and undies.

To his own surprise Tom wanted more, he wanted, no, needed the friction so he began to hump against Chris. His cock was throbbing with pain in his tight jeans but he couldn't stop himself. Both hands buried in Chris hair he French kissed him while his hips continued to hump against the Aussie and his hard dick. And then the combination of pain and pleasure got too much and he came. First he didn't quite realise it only when the sticky fluid began to spread in his boxers and the pain of his trapped dick slowly subsided. Shocked he realised what just happened and that he actually was still humping against Chris who let out a groan right that moment and came in his pants as well.

Embarrassed and shocked Tom pulled away sitting on the other end of the sofa. The sticky mess in his pants making him want to shower. "Sorry about that. I... I kind of lost my mind."  
Chris grinned "I think I like it when you loose your mind."  
"I can't quite believe that I did that."  
The Aussie squeezed his hand "It was rather nice, I have to admit. Although I feel a bit sticky now."  
"Sorry."  
"Don't be. It was an amazing orgasm. And I loved your facial expression when you came."  
"I need a shower." With that Tom was up and heading down the hall.

He hadn't done that. No way. It was wrong. But somehow it didn't feel wrong. It felt good. Confused he tore off his clothes and started the hot water. Why didn't he feel the guilt that usually followed him coming in his pants? It was so confusing.   
His thoughts spinning in his head he didn't hear the knocks on the door or the Aussie's voice saying his name, he didn't even notice when the shower curtain was pulled back slightly and a somehow scared Chris stared at him. He nearly screamed when he finally noticed the Aussie.  
"You okay, mate?"  
Tom's hands immediately dropped to cover his genitals as he nodded.   
"Do you mind if I shower as well?"  
This time the Brit shook his head. "Finished in a sec." He said still somehow shocked by what he'd done.

As soon as he'd turned the shower off a hand holding a towel appeared. Wrapping it around his waist he stepped out of the shower. "All yours."   
"Thanks." The Aussie was already down to his undies and now stepped out of them before quickly stepping into the shower.   
With wide eyes Tom stared at Chris cum-covered boxers lying on his floor. This couldn't be right. Like a robot he dried himself off and got his pyjama shorts and t-shirt, plus a pair of shorts for Chris.

 

Ashamed he sat on his sofa staring at his folded hands. How could he do this? What was Chris thinking of him now? Right on cue the Aussie came back into the living room only dressed in the shorts Tom had put on the toilet for him. "Thanks for those, man. Although they're a bit tight around the waist."  
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have..."  
"Stop it, Tom." Chris could see Tom's eyes were filling with tears, so he quickly sat down grabbing his hand. "It's okay. I enjoyed it, although it has been a while since I've come in my pants."  
"It was wrong. No. I'm a bad person. I..."  
"Tom! Stop this now! You did it because you wanted to and that's okay. I didn't tell you to stop because I enjoyed it and I think you did as well." Tom started shaking, he actually was cold but it was more than that. "Come here." Chris wrapped him in his arms and soothed him.  
Eventually the shaking stopped and relieved Chris pulled back a little, only to find Tom had fallen asleep in his arms.

With a smile Chris carried him to bed and covered him with his blanket but as soon as he let go Tom started to toss and turn, so the Aussie grabbed the fluffy blanket from the sofa and cuddled up next to him and immediately the Brit calmed. It didn't take long and Chris fell asleep as well holding his (boy)friend.


	6. And Action!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom gets more and more comfortable around Chris

When Tom woke up he froze immediately as there was an arm around his waist and another body pressed against him. It took him a moment to remember that it was Chris and not Stephen which made him relax a little. Remembering what happened the last night Tom blushed crimson and wanted to be invisible.   
By the sound of it Chris was still sleeping soundly, so Tom wiggled out of the Aussie's grip and headed to the bathroom before making breakfast. 

Not much later Chris entered the kitchen surprising Tom with a kiss on his cheek after saying "Good morning, sweetheart."  
Not flinching because of the kiss Tom, however, did on hearing the endearment. "Don't call me that. And I'm not."  
Chris gently put his hands on Tom's hips and slowly turned him around. "We've been dating and spending a lot of time together, so yes. You are my sweetheart."  
Rolling his eyes Tom didn't feel comfortable as it only reminded him of... "Don't you have any other pet name for me?"  
"Hmm..." Chris slowly leaned forward pressing Tom against the counter before starting to kiss down his long neck until Tom let out a whine. Grinning Chris looked at the Brit "How about puppy." Expecting Tom's protests Chris took a step back but to his surprise his boyfriend seemed content.  
"Fine." Turning back around Tom continued making breakfast and only then Chris realised that "sweetheart" might have been what Tom's ex had used. Should he ask about it?  
He thought about it for a bit before deciding not to go any deeper into the subject. "Need help with that?"

 

A week later and after some more dry-humping they met at the gym once again. However, that day Tom was really nervous as the producers and director of his movie would stop by to have a look at him.  
"Don't worry. You're gonna be fine. You've gained almost 30 pounds of muscle," Chris tried to calm him as they changed into their training outfits.   
"You think?" Tom slipped into his shorts without turning around anymore. He was way more self-confident than when they'd met for the first time.  
"Yes. And you're absolutely hot." Chris quickly crossed the locker room and pressed a kiss onto Tom's lips. 

Every once in a while he tried to steal a kiss from Tom when they were in public as this still seemed to be a problem for him. But once again Chris found that it was getting easier.  
"Do you want to go out tonight? Maybe watch the new X-Men?"  
"Okay. Dinner first?"  
Grinning Chris nodded. At the beginning Tom would have never suggested it first. "Come on. Let me show you off."

They were in the middle of lifting weights when a whole crowd of about ten people gathered around them. Tom immediately wanted to hide but Chris nodded at him reassuringly.  
They talked for a while and Chris proudly told them that Tom was doing rather well which made the Brit feel better. At least until the director suddenly said "Take off your shirt."  
His heart racing Tom looked at Chris and when the Aussie gave him a small smile he did. 

He felt like on an auction for cattle as the group was walking around him looking at his half naked body. "Would you take off your shorts as well for a moment, please?"   
Tom wanted to cry but again Chris smiled and winked at him and he quickly dropped the fabric. All the time they were circling him Tom held eye contact with Chris which somehow calmed him. And just like that it was over.

"You look great, Tom. Perfect." The executive producer said. "We'll see you Thursday for the first reading." And after some hand shakes and nice words they were on their own again.   
"That was weird," Tom said while putting his pants back on.  
"And you were soooo fucking hot," Chris came up behind him wrapping his arms around him and hugging him to his chest.   
For a moment Tom tensed up but eventually relaxed into Chris' touch. 

 

Thursday morning they met up as usually for their training, it would only a bit shorter than normally as Chris didn't want to exhaust Tom before he would go to his reading.   
"You alright, darling?" Chris couldn't help but notice that Tom's fingers were shaking as he slipped on his shorts.  
"Just a bit nervous."  
"Oh, don't be. I know you'll be brilliant."  
"Still. And I'll meet all the other actors. What if they don't like me?"   
"How can anybody not like you?" Chris stepped up to him and pulled him into a fevered kiss but he quickly pulled back. Only yesterday their kissing had lead them to dry-humping each other in the middle of the locker room. Tom had been totally embarrassed afterwards and gone home without him. 

 

Indeed the training calmed him but what he hadn't told Chris about was his doctor's appointment after the reading which made him equally nervous if not more. His doctor's assistant had called him last week reminding him that his yearly check up was due and as he knew from experience delaying it or even trying to avoid it wasn't a good idea. They once even called his mum who in return called Maggie that he hadn't shown up for his check up.

Sighing he headed up to the 3rd floor of the production company. He was nervous, yes, but he also was excited. This was his first big movie production and somehow he couldn't wait for them to start shooting.

As he entered the big office people were buzzing all around him, it looked like chaos.   
"Ahm, excuse me, ma'am. I..." The girl he addressed just brushed past him completely ignoring him.   
"You must be Adam." A thin female voice startled him.  
Furrowing his brows he looked down at the petite, pretty blonde. "What?"  
"I'm playing Eve. And you're playing Adam, right?"  
"Ahm, yes." She was his love interest in the movie? Well, she was rather cute.  
"My name's Jennifer Hogun. But my friends call me Jenny." She held out her hand and Tom grabbed it with a smile.   
"Tom Hiddleston. Nice to meet you."

 

Tom was surprised, when they finally were sitting in their meeting room, about just how nice everyone was. It was perfect.  
They got their scripts and read a few scenes before they were told to learn their lines and meet up at the studio on Monday the week following next for a costume fitting. Shooting would start a week later. 

A group of them talked outside the building for a while longer including Tom. They'd only met a few hours ago but it didn't feel like that. Eventually the buzzing of his phone disturbed him. Of course it was his doctor's assistant telling him he was late for his appointment.  
Quickly excusing himself he jumped into a taxi driving over there.

"Hi, Tom. How are you?" The old woman greeted him.  
"Alright, I guess. Sorry for being late, I just had the first reading for the movie I'll be in."  
"Oh! Sounds great. What's it about?"  
Tom liked Patty, the older assistant, so they talked for a bit after she brought him to the examining room. To Tom's misery she got called away a bit later. It was good to have her their as she took his mind of the examination he was there for.  
"Change into the gown, I'll make sure the doc is with you in a moment." Winking at him she disappeared reluctantly knowing full well that the young man was uncomfortable being there.

As she'd told him Tom changed into the gown but leaving his t-shirt and undies on. He knew he had to take the latter off as well but he'd wait until the doc was there. Minutes turned to hours until Tom just wanted to leave again. Others might be afraid of the dentist, he was of his urologist. Well, surely nobody liked going there but Tom was shaking with fear.  
Just when he was about to get back into his clothes and leave the door opened and the grey-haired man came in.

After exchanging some greetings the doctor made Tom lie on the examining table on his side knees tugged up. Lifting the gown the old man sighed. "You're still wearing undies."  
"Sorry." Tom quickly shifted a little and tugged them to his knees.  
"I know you hate this but I need to make sure the tears are alright."  
"But I'm not having sex or anything."  
"Still not? You know that there's no medical reason not to."   
Tom shuddered as he felt the cold lube being spread between his cheeks. Squeezing his eyes shut he prayed it would be over soon. 

Knowing his patient the older man kept silent while carefully inserting two fingers taking his time especially after the hiss the young man let out.  
The worst for Tom was the intrusion he once had enjoyed so much. Once the fingers were in and carefully running over his walls it wasn't too bad - at least until he started to examine his prostate. Tom had protested about that once and the old guy only said "Once I'm in there..."  
Sighing in relief Tom felt the fingers leave his body and thanks to his activities with Chris he hadn't gotten hard. Fantastic. Now he only had to get through the last bit: the examination of his testicles.

Finally he was done and allowed to get back in his clothes.  
"Everything alright. No complications. And as I've said there's no reason not to have sex. If you want to, that is."  
Swallowing hard Tom nodded. He wasn't ready for that. And especially after those appointments Tom always was reminded of what had happened to him.

 

Once home he let his feelings overwhelm him and he broke down sobbing like a child. Maybe it wasn't the examination after all but the way he felt afterwards that he hated.   
Dragging himself to bed he hid under his blanket soaking his pillow with tears.   
He heard his phone ringing but he just couldn't move, he was basically paralysed. 

A while later his door bell was ringing and when he didn't react his phone was ringing again.   
"Tom?" Chris voice sounded though the door "Are you okay? Tom?"  
Should he let the Aussie in and allow him to comfort him? No! He didn't want Chris to see him like that. So weak. Pathetic.

 

Chris had tried numerous times to call Tom to hear how his reading went but with every time his call went unanswered he grew more and more worried. Eventually he jumped onto his bike and cycled over to Tom's. First he thought Tom was still out when he didn't answer the door but when he called him again and he heard the phone from inside the flat he slowly panicked. Should he call the police?  
He rang the door bell a few more times begging Tom to open or just say something, so Chris knew he was okay. Eventually he grabbed his phone and called Ben.

To his surprise a girl answered the phone. "How may I help you?"  
"Ahm, hi. It's Chris. Is Ben there?"  
"He's busy. Can I pass him a message?"  
Ripping at his own hair Chris was desperate "Listen lady. It's an emergency, so get him on the phone. Tell him it's about Tom."  
"Hang on a moment." She was off the line and Chris almost got mad as it seemed to take forever until he heard the dark voice of Tom's friend.

"Chris? What's going on? Where's Tom?"  
"Hi, Ben. I think he's locked himself in his flat. But he's not opening or answering his phone. He was so nervous about that reading earlier. I wanted to check how it went but I can't get him."  
Sighing Ben remembered Tom telling him about his dreaded appointment and Ben knew how Tom usually felt afterwards. "Shit! I can't get away from set. Listen Chris, there's a spare key under the doormat. It's taped to the underside with a black tape. He'll probably be lying in bed curled into a ball. Lie next to him but on his front, so he can see you if he wants. Don't touch him. Well, maybe try to stroke his head. I'll try to get away from here earlier and come over."

Confused Chris did what Ben had told him after letting himself in. As Ben had said Tom was lying on his bed, his face all red from crying. Lying in front of his boyfriend Chris cupped his cheek with his big hand gently caressing the Brit with his thumb.  
"Shhhh. It's alright, my darling. I'm here. Shhhh."  
To his surprise Tom's eyes shifted from their catatonic stare looking at him for a moment and then Tom moved forward pressing his face into the Aussie's firm chest.

 

They lay like that for a while, Tom basically hiding in Chris' chest and the Aussie protectively wrapping his arm and leg around him. Finally Tom stirred a little and looked at Chris with wide eyes. "Do you think we could take a bath together?"  
Slightly dumbfounded Chris looked at him "Ahm, yes. Sure. But we'll be naked." The Aussie didn't think Tom had considered that and probably wasn't ready for it.  
"Can I try?" He looked at him like a little child telling his parents he can be good.  
"Sure. One word and we stop."  
Nodding at Chris they slowly got up and holding hands they headed to the bathroom.

After starting to run the water Tom slowly reached for the hem of his shirt with shaking fingers. Inhaling deeply he tugged it over his head. Well, Chris had seen him shirtless numerous times.  
Chris followed suite looking at him asking wordlessly if that was okay. Nodding lightly Tom unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans as did Chris. Simultaneously they brushed their pants down and stepped out before tugging their socks off.

Tom's heart was hammering in his chest. Could he really do this? Be completely naked in front of Chris?   
"You don't have to. We could leave our undies on," Chris suggested.  
To his utter surprise Tom shook his head and a split second later dropped his undies. It was the first time Chris saw him completely naked without just stealing a glance.  
"You look amazing." With a grin the Aussie tugged his own undies down and both were staring at each other for a while.

Chris eventually moved first holding out his hand to Tom, who had started to cry again at some point. "Do you want me to leave?"  
Shaking his head the Brit stepped over to the tub tugging Chris along before stepping into the warm water. He slowly sat down leaving space behind him for the Aussie to get in.  
"You sure?"  
"Please." Tom looked up at him with huge eyes.  
With a smile Chris got in slowly sitting down behind his boyfriend spreading his legs around his thin hips. Carefully Tom scooted back until he eventually reclined cuddling into the Aussie. Closing his eyes he let out a deep sigh. This felt good.

Chris in return wrapped his arms around Tom slowly rubbing his body. It took him a while until he noticed the Brit was still crying.   
"We don't have to do this. I can get out."  
"No! I want this." Tom slowly rolled to his front so their chests were touching as were their flaccid dicks. "I just want to be able to enjoy a bath with my boyfriend and not think of... of him." Tom's eyes widened all of a sudden. Had he just used the word "boyfriend"?   
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to. I don't want to put any sort of pressure on you. It's..."  
He would have kept rumbling on if Chris hadn't interrupted him.   
"Tom. Tom! That's perfectly fine. I am your boyfriend if you want me like that. I actually was thinking I've been for a while. All those lovely dates, you know. I love that you trust me enough to be so... vulnerable in front of me. I know it's hard for you because of what happened. The more I feel honoured. Thank you for trusting me like that."

With every of Chris words Tom's eyes widened more and more. Was Chris really in love with him?   
"But you're too good for me. I don't deserve your care." Tom hid his face against Chris' chest.  
"Don't say that. It's not true. You're an amazing guy and I love spending time with you."  
"But you don't know what I did. You..." He trailed off he couldn't tell him. Never. He'd be utterly disgusted with him.  
"What you did? Don't blame yourself for what your ex has done to you. You're perfect."  
"I can't even have sex with you." Tom started sobbing again.  
"That's okay. I also kind of like the dry-humping thing we do. And I love to kiss your beautiful lips."  
Tom looked up at him blinking his eyes, not able to believe what he was hearing. Only to proof what he just said Chris leaned forward a little and kissed his lover.

Their kiss got more and more heated until both their cocks stirred in the hot water rubbing against each other. They both let out a slight moan when their sensitive tips brushed briefly. And then a gasp went through them as Tom's fingers wrapped around them both.  
Swallowing hard he gently stroked along their lengths. His cock was a bit longer but they were almost equally thick.  
After rubbing for a bit it was too awkward for Tom so he gripped Chris shoulders with both hands thrusting his hips against Chris'. Soon they moaned in unison and just before they came their lips met again in a passionate kiss.

 

Nearly 30 minutes later they were still lying in the same position with Tom's head resting on Chris shoulder.  
"You know, darling, we're basically bathing in our own cum."  
Tom had to giggle lightly as he slowly moved. "I don't mind that. But the water is getting cold, isn't it?"  
"Yeah, let's get out of here."

 

After drying themselves off they headed back to Tom's bedroom cuddling into bed - naked. Chris was so happy that Tom had opened up a little more to him until he remembered his phone talk to Ben. He had basically known Tom would be miserable. But why?  
"You feeling better?"  
Nodding Tom quickly apologised "I'm sorry. You must be sick of being my teddy bear."  
"No. Never. Do you want to talk about it? Was it because of the reading?"  
Sighing Tom shook his head. "No. I was at the doctor's. It just reminded me of..." He didn't finish his sentence which worried Chris.  
"You're okay, aren't you? You're not sick or something?"  
"No. I..." How could he explain to Chris without actually telling him? "Everything good. I just... My... He..."  
"Shhhh. You don't have to talk about it." Chris gently caressed Tom's chest teasing a nipple before sucking at it.  
"Ahhhh. Don't, Chris." He could already feel his dick filling with blood again. It felt good. Suddenly realisation hit him that he'd once enjoyed all of this and not even with people he loved. But now he had a guy who really seemed to love him and he just couldn't. With tears welling up in his eyes he apologised "I'm sorry, Chris. I'd love to do... more but it's... I..."  
"No. I'm sorry. I know you're not comfortable with all this. And I won't force you."  
"It's just... I just want to be normal. Not... broken."

They both flinched when the door bell rang. Looking at each other they both thought "let it ring" until they heard a familiar voice.  
"It's Ben. Everything alright?"  
"What is he doing here?"   
"I might have called him earlier." Chris got up grabbing a random pair of boxers, which actually belonged to Tom, and headed to the door.

A moment later Ben entered the bedroom looking first concerned and then relieved when he saw Tom was smiling at him.   
"Hello, Sherlock."  
"Thank God, you're okay." Ben was on the bed immediately hugging his friend. When the blanket shifted Ben stared at him surprised "You're naked?" He whispered to make sure Chris didn't hear it. In return Tom nodded lightly.  
"Would you leave us alone for a moment?" Ben asked Chris who looked at Tom and only left when his boyfriend gave him a brief nod.

Slightly insecure Chris closed the door behind him but he just was too curious what they had to say, so he pressed his ear against the closed door.  
"How was your appointment? Everything good?"  
"Yes. I still don't get why I have to get checked every year. I'm not even having sex."  
"Tom, you had a bad tear. They only make sure it's not reopened or infected. Plus, you might get hem..."  
"Okay, okay. I get it. It's just... I can't even stand my own boyfriend touching me there."  
"I know. But still you're naked. Completely?"  
"Yeah. We just had a bath. And I might have humped him again. I can't believe he's still with me after all those ruined undies."  
"He likes you. A lot. Was really worried about you earlier."  
"I'm really sorry for causing you guys so much trouble."  
"I think we both want to be there for you."

 

Two days later Chris had received a panicked call from Tom begging him to come over. He was in the middle of a personal training with a customer but just left telling him it was a family emergency.  
Tom opened the door on the first ringing and threw himself at Chris.  
"What is it? What's happening?"  
"I can't do this, Chris."  
Confused the Aussie stared at his lover. "What? I... We don't have to..."  
"No. Not that." He tugged him along to the living room and pointed at his script "They want me to be naked in front of the camera. I can't do that."

After Chris had read the part Tom had been referring to he felt slightly aroused as he pictured his boyfriend slowly emerging from a lake.   
"Why don't you talk to them? Tell them you don't want the whole world to see your beautiful, thick, long dick."  
Tom punched Chris teasingly remembering how he had woken up the other day the blanket tangled in his feet and Chris lying next to him staring at his cock. "I could try. But what if they say 'no'?"  
"You'll have to train and get comfortable being naked. You could start with me." Chris grinned at him and Tom just rolled his eyes. "You don't need to be shy, darling. You look amazing. Every single inch of you." Chris leaned in and kissed him.

Kissing turned into groping which eventually made them strip and eventually they humped each other. For the first time, however, Chris was on top.   
They giggled lightly when they pulled apart and looked at the mess on their bellies.   
"Look at that sh... What ahh..." To Tom's utter surprise (and shock) Chris collected a few droplets of sperm from Tom's cock and brought it to his mouth moaning in approval.   
"You taste delicious, darling." The Brit just lay there for a moment not able to move or say anything. "Will you let me taste you at some point?"  
"No!" Tom almost screamed.  
Looking disappointed Chris glanced down at Tom's dick which softened more and more and the pink tip disappeared in the foreskin again.  
"I just... I don't want you to do something I can't reciprocate."  
"I didn't say you had to. I just want to pleasure my boyfriend."  
"I want too," Tom blurted out as tears welled up in his eyes "I just can't."  
Chris felt a sting in his heart, once again wondering what happened to him, before hugging his lover to his chest.

 

Tom was super nervous and running aimlessly through his flat while Chris watched TV.  
"Sit down, darling. Everything will be alright. You've already met everybody."  
"But it's the first time in ages I'll be standing in front of a camera!" And the last time he was naked and being fucked, his mind added, which of course made him even more nervous.   
Grabbing him Chris tugged him onto the sofa next to him and before Tom could protest the Aussie's mouth was on his.  
Only when Tom let out the first moan and Chris could feel his dick harden he pulled back. "Well, I just have to distract your thoughts then." With that Chris kissed down Tom's long neck while his hands found their way underneath his shirt. 

Palming Tom's erection through his tight jeans Chris sucked and bit at his nipples until the Brit's hips lifted from the sofa thrusting into the Aussie's hand. That was when Chris slipped off the the sofa onto his knees and before Tom quite realised his zipper had been opened and his erection freed.   
Licking his lips Chris went down on him sucking the thick, long cock into his mouth. Chris moaned as the taste of Tom's precum filled his mouth but from one moment to the other the Brit completely tensed up. Pulling off Chris looked up at him to see that he had tears running down his face. Immediately Chris got next to him wrapping an arm around him.  
"It's okay. I can stop. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... It's just I wondered how you tasted and how it felt to... Sorry." Tom had started shaking, so Chris stopped talking and just held him. 

They sat silent for a while until Tom said out loud but more to himself "I can't let him destroy everything."  
Pulling back a little Chris looked at him and he was totally dumbstruck when Tom said "Let's get to bed."  
They basically ran to the bedroom stripping and Tom pushed Chris on his back once they both were completely naked. But instead of lying on top of him and humping him Tom knelt next to Chris side and just when the Aussie wanted to ask what he was doing he straddled his face going down the length of Chris body until the Aussie could feel his lover's warm breath at his cock.

First Tom was rather careful with his licks and sucks but as his arousal grew more and more he also grew more eager. In the end they came down each other's throat, first Tom but Chris soon followed. 

 

Exhausted Tom lay in his lover's arms. Chris had fallen asleep already but he just couldn't. Tomorrow would be the first day of shooting and he was nervous, however, Chris had managed to distract him, only now he was thinking about what he'd just done. It had felt so nice to have Chris suck him off and for a moment he panicked. But it had felt good and Chris didn't push him to have sex with him or anything, so he thought he could try and it had been good. Really good.  
Could he even go further with Chris? He loved Chris!

It struck him like lightning. The thing he'd sworn to himself that would never happen again had happened. The huge Aussie koala bear had won his heart!


	7. Welcome to the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's feelings for Chris grow.  
> And Chris reveals a secret to Tom, plus learns a bit more about Tom's past. But can he deal with it?

Tom was happy. For once in his life everything was as he wanted it. Filming went well and after a few days he was fully into his role not thinking about the camera.   
It was four weeks into the shoot when he woke up on a Saturday morning next to his naked lover. Chris was lovely. He hadn't pressured him to have sex with him and Tom was happy about it. So far they'd sucked each other off a couple of times but Chris didn't touch him back there or even ask about it giving Tom the time he needed.

Sighing he cuddled into his still sleeping boyfriend. He could feel Chris' big, flaccid dick at his naked butt but he didn't flinch. By now he knew he could trust Chris.  
"Morning, my darling," the Aussie whispered into his ear before kissing his cheek.   
A huge grin spread on Tom's face as he turned and caught Chris lips for a fevered kiss. "Morning, my love." 

Their kissing turned into humping and before they knew it they were covered in each other's seed. Content Tom rolled on his back staring down at the white ropes of cum covering his belly.   
"You must be sick of this," Tom shook his head.  
"I'll never be sick of you." Chris drew random patterns onto Tom's stomach with their cum.   
"Be honest, Chris, you'd love to go further."  
"Only if you want me to. Plus I'd like to tie you down at some point and pleasure you."  
"Tie me down?" Tom's eyebrow went up.  
"Well, I might like that sort of thing."  
Immediately Tom tensed up at the thought of giving away control.  
"Don't worry, my darling, I won't. I know you're not ready for more yet."  
"But is there nothing missing for you? I mean I don't want you to go and get what you want - what you need - from another guy."  
"I love you, Tom. And I won't betray you. This is absolutely fine with me. Well, actually I wanted to make a proposition to you but promise me you won't freak out."  
Furrowing his brows Tom carefully said "Okay?"  
"Well, if you're not ready to be fucked maybe you could fuck me."  
"What?" His eyes were wide and he stared at the Aussie. "You're joking!"  
"You don't have to. I just thought it would be more intimate that way. Special."  
"But don't you mind being fucked. I mean..."  
"I'd rather fuck - sure. But I've done it before and I'd love to have you inside of me. I want you, Tom."  
"I can't. I mean I've never..." He trailed off.  
"Hang on! None of your boyfriends ever let you be on top - so to speak?!" Chris couldn't believe it.  
Averting his gaze Tom stared at the drying seed on his belly whilst shaking his head.  
"They've always just fucked you? Well, time to change that. If you're ready for it, that is."  
"I don't know, Chris."  
"Well, think about it. It would be my pleasure to be your first. But know let's get up and cleaned. Then I've got a surprise for you."

 

After showering together they went out to have breakfast and afterwards they headed towards the park - at least Tom thought they were. Instead Chris suddenly stopped in front of the tattoo studio Tom had visited with him before.  
"What are we doing here?" Tom asked dumbfounded.  
"I'll get my first tattoo. Come on, I need you to hold my hand."

 

Tom had tears in his eyes when he saw the model of the tattoo being drawn onto Chris skin. Numerous stars were painted onto Chris left pec and when the tattoo artist was finished with painting the stars he added two little hearts and three letters around Chris nipple.  
"You don't have to do that!" Tom protested as he saw his name written on Chris' chest.  
"No, but I want to. Let's go."

Tom managed to sit and hold Chris hand for a while but somehow the whole thing aroused him more and more, so he eventually got up and left. Of course Chris noted the bulge in Tom's pants and just grinned at him. "I'll be fine, my darling."

 

Half an hour later Chris exited the booth when he was finished. He loved the tattoo and couldn't wait to show it to Tom. In the last weeks he'd fallen more and more for the shy Brit. Was it time to spill the beans? Well, he'd tried that morning telling Tom he'd like to tie him down and he was sure Tom's eyes had widened a little but he surely didn't want to scare him off.  
With a grin he sneaked up on Tom who was sitting in the waiting area focused on a magazine. Only when he stood behind him he could see what his lover was looking at and it had him slightly shocked. It was an article about penis and genital piercings with a few different pictures of a prince Albert piercing.  
"Oh no, darling," Chris chuckled as Tom jumped lightly "not in your beautiful cock." Confused Tom looked up at him with wide eyes. "That," the Aussie pointed at the biggest picture with a thick ring pierced into a circumcised, big cock "Your dick is perfect as it is."  
"I..." Tom's pale face blushed a deep red. "No, I was just reading..." Well, truth was he wasn't into the prince Albert piercing but into the one in the lower right corner, a lorum piercing, and he read the article to find out more.  
"Just, darling, promise me: no metal in your cock." Chris looked at him sternly before a grin spread on his face "apart from a sound or plug maybe." He winked at Tom whose jaw dropped. "Now let's go home."

 

That evening they lay cuddled up in bed together after another round of mutual blow jobs. Tom admired Chris new tattoo and couldn't help a smile when he saw his name inked into the Aussie's skin.  
"You shouldn't have done that," he whispered eventually.  
"Why not? I love you, Tom, and I don't want to have any other boyfriend."  
"I... But I'll never be able to give you what you want."  
"And that would be?"  
"I... You... It's..." Tom sighed. He was a grown up but why couldn't he talk about sex without blushing crimson. "Are you... You like to be dominant, don't you?" He eventually pressed out.   
Chris grinned at him "So you've understood my hints."  
"I don't think I can do that. I mean it's not like I wouldn't trust you. It's just..."  
"Stop, Tom. I didn't ask you to do anything. And I won't put pressure on you. Of course it would be nice to do some kinky stuff at some point but only if you're comfortable with that. Okay? And so far you're not even comfortable with the normal stuff. But it doesn't matter. As long as you're with me."  
A single tear rolled down Tom's face. "You must be so disappointed." How could Chris still be with him? He wasn't worth being loved and he was nothing but a disappointment to Chris.  
"No! Don't say that!" The Aussie's tone was dark not leaving any place for arguments. "I love you, Tom. And you love me. That's all we need. And now come here."  
They kissed for a while and finally decided to sleep.

 

Two weeks later Tom was pacing up and down his flat. Chris would be here any moment and he was nervous as if it was their first date. He still wasn't sure why the Aussie loved him but he knew he had done something he'd never thought he'd do again: fall in love.

Finally their was a knock on the door and Tom ran over to open the door.  
"Hi."  
"Hi, my darling." Chris grinned at him before kissing him. When they parted Tom's eyes landed on the flowers in his lover's hand. Was he going somewhere? "These are for you, my darling. And that." He tugged a small box from his jacket.  
"Why?" The Brit stared at him.  
"It's our 4 month's anniversary."  
Tom's eyebrows knitted together. Has it really been that long? "I haven't got anything for you. I..." Chris put his index finger to Tom's lips.  
"That's okay. Well, I guess that thing in the box is a bit for me as well. Why don't you open it?"  
Furrowing his brows he glared at the little black box and slowly opened it. Confused he stared at the two bar bell piercings with sea coloured ends.  
"I thought as you don't seem to like to wear your ring nipple piercings too much, I'll get you bar bells. When I saw those I immediately had to think of your eyes. Plus see this." Chris took one in his fingers and turned it lightly. "They've got my name engraved on them."  
For a moment Tom didn't know what to say. Chris was right, he didn't like the rings too much which was why he only wore them rarely but he was too lazy to get other ones.  
"I... Thank you."  
"Can I put them on you?"  
"O... Okay."

10 minutes later they were in place and Tom's cock was slowly swelling in his tight jeans. "Am I yours now?" Tom had read about BDSM a little in the last weeks and particularly loved the idea of being Chris'.  
"If you want to."  
"I think so." Tom blushed and looked away quickly.  
"That's fantastic. You're amazing." He kissed the Brit tenderly whilst brushing his hand down his naked stomach to the button of Tom's tight jeans.  
"Chris!" Shit! Now he'd almost forgotten.  
"Yes?"  
"It's my mum's birthday tomorrow and she's having a garden party. I'd love it if you'd come with me."  
"You want me to meet your family?" Tom nodded shyly. Of course Chris didn't want to. "Are you sure?" Pleadingly he looked at the Aussie who smiled widely "I'd love to. Thank you, Tom. You're amazing."

 

The whole ride to his mum's house he was so nervous. His heart was hammering in his chest but Chris had sensed his nervousness and held his hand.   
"They know you're gay. Right? So there's no point in being nervous, lovely."  
"It's just... I've never brought anybody home so far."  
"Really?" Chris jaw dropped, only now realising how special this must be for his lover.  
"No. I've never been brave enough. And I'm not sure if dad knows... He's..." Tom's eyes welled up with tears.  
"We don't have to. I could drive back into the city."  
"No. I don't want to hide anymore."

 

Gripping Chris' hand Tom led him to his mum's front door holding her present in his other hand. Closing his eyes and inhaling deeply he finally pressed the button of the door bell.  
A moment later they could hear steps coming closer and just as the door opened Chris squeezed Tom's hand firmly.  
"Thomas, my darling." A small woman with grey hair opened the door and immediately hugged him.  
"Hi, mum." Tom's long arms hugged her back. "Happy birthday."  
Kissing her son's cheek her eyes landed on another tall man standing there holding a bouquet of flowers. "Thank you, darling." They parted again "And who's that?"  
Blushing Tom looked from her to Chris and back "Mum, that's Chris. He's my b... boyfriend. Chris, that's my mum."  
A huge smile spread on her face as she shook the tall man's hand. "Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. And happy birthday."  
"Thank you. Why don't you two cuties come in." She hooked her arms into theirs and led them inside.

 

Everything was going well and Tom's sisters had immediately taken Chris aside and started their interrogation. The Aussie first found it amusing until he realised they wanted to protect their brother and find out if Chris was serious about him.  
Tom watched amused sitting on the terrace drinking tea with his mum.  
"He's quite hot, darling. How have you met?"  
"He's trained me for the movie I'm currently in."  
"You love him." It wasn't a question.  
"Yes."  
"That's amazing, darling. Are you happy?"  
"Yes. For the first time in ages. He's... different than..."   
"Your sisters seem to approve as well." They watched the trio break out in laughter.  
"He's quite a charmer."

The ringing of the door bell startled them and his mum went to open. Tom got up to free Chris from his sisters' interrogation.  
"Enough questioning him."  
"Now that it was getting fun?!" Emma grinned.  
"I don't mind, darling." Chris kissed his cheeks "They are rather lovely."  
"I don't think so. First they'll charm you and then they'll eat you alive." Tom chuckled cuddling into Chris.  
"Hi, dad." Sarah suddenly said and they all turned towards the terrace. Emma and Sarah immediately ran over to greet their father with a hug and kiss but Tom was like frozen.  
"You okay, darling?" Chris asked in a worried tone.  
"I... He's quite old fashioned, I don't quite know..." Truth was Tom had been afraid of his father's reaction on meeting his boyfriend as he didn't know that his son was gay yet. And one random thing played in Tom's head over and over. He had been 15 or 16 when they were watching TV and on some show two guys kissed. His dad had immediately switched the channel and started cursing using words like "faggots" and "disgusting" in one sentence.

With a soft smile the old man was now coming over to them. Chris could feel how Tom started to tremble in his arm and in order to soothe him stroked his arm lightly.  
"Hello, Thomas, my boy." To Tom's surprise his father hugged him closely.  
"Hi, dad." His voice was thin and slightly shaky.  
When they parted the old man looked at Chris "And you're the man who's dating my son?" He gave Chris a once over.  
"Yes, Sir. I'm Chris Hemsworth. Nice to meet you." Chris held out his hand and for a moment Tom thought his father would start shouting any moment but instead he took Chris' hand and shook it.  
"You too." He looked back at his son "Can we talk for a moment, son?"  
Tom just nodded expecting a semon from his old man.

"Chris? Why don't you help me in the kitchen?" Diana said and the Aussie quickly nodded and went over following the small woman inside but not before looking over his shoulder at Tom and his dad.  
"Don't worry, James just wants to assure him that he's fine with him being gay."  
"Right." Chris still looked concerned.  
"You know we suspected it already when he was a teenager but, well, we weren't brave enough to ask him and I guess he was too afraid to tell us. The only thing that matters is that he's happy. Nevermind if he's in love with a man or woman."  
"Well, tell that to my family..." Chris frowned.  
"Tom just told me. You really have no contact to them - at all?" She handed him a cutting board, a knife and tomatoes.  
Chris shook his head starting to cut the first tomato in half hearing Sarah and Emma giggling somewhere in the house.  
"Well, we can be your family from now. You make our Tom happy. In fact I haven't seen him this happy in ages."  
"I guess he's gone through some big shit with his ex." Chris noted casually.  
Her eyes wide she stared at him "He's told you about the rape?!"  
Rape? Chris jaw dropped. His lovely darling had really been raped?! No wonder he wasn't keen on sleeping with him. "Ahm," he cleared his throat not wanting her to feel bad for telling him something he had only suspected but prayed wasn't true "Well, I've kind of figured it out but he doesn't want to talk about it. Do you know what happened exactly?" His curiosity was piqued.  
"No. Not exactly. I'm not sure if I should tell you." She paused putting her own knife down "We only got a call from the hospital one day. They told us he blacked out on the Tube and he was bleeding...” She sighed and shook her head at the horrible memory. “Are you sure it was his ex?"  
"Well, pretty sure. I've tried to ask him about what happened but he wouldn't answer but once he said something about his ex hurting him, so... Do you know him?"  
"He's never brought someone home before. But I know he was called Stephen. Tom told Emma about him once. How can someone who claims to love you do that? No wonder he was so down and tried to kill himself."  
Chris had to cough at that. Tom had done what?! If he'd ever get that wanker in his fingers he'd rip him open and stick his own cock up his ass and his balls in his mouth.  
"You okay, Chris?" Diana patted his back.  
"Yeah, just choking on my own spit. Sorry." Of course! The scars on Tom's wrists! His poor baby!

 

A few hours later they were on their way back home. Tom was grinning as he'd never suspected everything would go this well. Even his dad had told him he'd always be there for him and he didn't mind his only son being gay.  
Chris on the other hand was deep in thoughts. What exactly had Tom's ex done to him? 

Tom suddenly stopped the car outside a supermarket. "I'll be right back, Chris. Just need some stuff."  
Before the Aussie could ask what that was the Brit was out the car and entering the shop. It was truly amazing that Tom was who he was after what happened to him. No wonder he'd been a shy doe when they first met. The more it honoured Chris that he trusted him so much - with being naked in front of him, with their humping and especially with sucking each other off. He also understood now why Tom said he could never have sex with him. Deep down he had feared that Tom had been violated in the way he knew now to be true but he never thought something that horrific could happen to someone he knew – nevermind love. Well, he could live with it. As long as Tom was at his side.

"Okay. Now let's go home." Tom jumped back into his old Peugot throwing the bag with his stuff onto the back seat. "You okay?"  
"Sure. I love you so much, Tom."  
A wide grin spread on the Brit's face. "I love you, too, my big koala bear."

Once in Tom's flat they started to kiss and Chris was almost overwhelmed with the trust that Tom must have in him to allow him to touch him like that.   
Their tongues were dancing around each other when Tom's phone went off. First he ignored it but eventually tugged it from the back pocket of his jeans looking at the screen while his lips were still pressed to Chris'.  
"Hmm. Shit. It's our director. I have to get this." 

Tom had disappeared into the bedroom talking to his director.   
Exhausted and still a bit overwhelmed with what he'd found out today Chris fell onto the sofa. His lover was so tough. He didn't think he could be.   
Looking to his side his eyes landed on Tom's shopping bag and out of curiosity he peeked in and what he saw made his jaw drop. His lover had bought condoms and a bottle of strawberry scented lube. This made the Aussie grin widely.  
You didn't buy those things unless you were planning on using them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are wondering: a lorum piercing is a piercing between penis and scrotum. 
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorum


	8. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a way Chris takes Tom's virginity...

After hanging up Tom stood in front of his bedroom mirror. He inhaled deeply thinking about the things he bought earlier. He wanted to take the next step in his relationship with Chris. He was so happy and now that his entire family had basically given the blessing he felt feather light somehow - as if he could do anything.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror and almost laughed at how ridiculous he looked with those long, black hair. Was that really him? Maybe he should cut his hair once the shoot was over and let them grow back in his natural strawberry blonde colour.   
Shaking his head he quickly stripped off his shirt and jeans. Would Chris really agree to this? Sighing he took a deep breath and headed back into the living room where his lover sat looking deep in thoughts.

"Chris?" There was no reaction so he walked around the sofa and sat down next to him. "You okay? Has someone of my family said anything that upset you?"  
"No, no. They were really lovely. I'm just a bit exhausted I guess."  
"Right. You wanna sleep?" Chis couldn't help but notice that Tom seemed a bit nervous.  
"We could cuddle a bit or take a bath if you want?" The Aussie suggested.  
"No, ahm... I... The... Fuck!" Tom ran his long fingers through his hair in desperation.  
"What is it, Tom?" Having seen Tom's purchase he had an idea what his lover wanted but he wouldn't say it. If Tom really wanted it, he had to say it himself.  
"Your offer. Does it still stand?" The Brit blurted out.  
"What offer?" Chris played dumb.  
"The one... You said you'd be okay if I..." Tom trailed off gesturing with his hands hoping Chris would finish the sentence for him.  
"Tell me what you want, Tom." Chris encouraged him and could already feel his cock growing hard.  
Sighing Tom looked at Chris before dropping his eyes "Can I really fuck you?"  
"I'd love you to." Chris eagerly jumped up stealing a kiss from his lover "Let me just disappear into the bathroom for a moment."

 

Chris couldn't believe this was actually happening and despite not liking to be fucked that much he couldn't wait for Tom to stick his dick up his ass. Quickly washing himself Chris didn't bother to put on his clothes before going outside again. There was no sign of Tom in the living room so he headed to the bedroom where his boyfriend was pacing nervously.

 

Meanwhile Tom grew more and more nervous. Could he really do this? Well, he wanted to... No, truth was he wanted Chris to fuck him but that wasn't going to happen. But seeing Chris laughing with his family made him want more from their relationship and maybe having sex was the way to get there.   
It seemed to take forever for Chris to come back out. Maybe he had changed his mind.   
"Fuck!" Tom paced up and down some more until his eyes landed on the bag. Grabbing it he took it to the bedroom where he opened the box of condoms and put one onto his bedside table before putting the lube down next to it.  
What if he wasn't any good? Or if he hurt Chris? God, this was a big mistake! Could he get out of this somehow.  
"Darling." Chris stood in the door - naked - with his cock semi-hard.  
"Chris, I..."  
"Shhhh, my darling. I want you. You don't have to be scared. It's gonna be brilliant."  
Tom just nodded, the light headed feeling from earlier gone. 

Like in trance he watched as Chris lay down on bed and when he was lying comfortably on his back he put his feet on the mattress crooking his knees and spreading them. Tom let out a groan as he stared at Chris' puckered hole. His lover looked delicious like that and for a moment he wondered how he'd look in that position.  
Shaking his head lightly he felt his cock had awoken in his undies. "Are you sure, love?" His voice was shaking while his fingers slowly reached into the waistband of his briefs.  
"Please, Tom, I want it." Chris was somehow surprised as he couldn't wait to have his boyfriend inside of him. "Just prepare me a little for your gorgeous, large cock."  
"Of course." He'd never go in just like that. Only at the thought he felt the phantom pain going from his butt up his spine which caused him to shudder.  
"You okay?" Chris sat up a little looking worried.  
"Yes." Finally he shoved his undies down. 

Chris was happy to see his lover was already hard as well. He had to grin when his erection bobbed up and down a little as he soved the fabric down.  
"You're so beautiful, darling."  
A shy smile spread on Tom's face as he slowly walked over to the bedside table grabbing the lube. "Towel!" He suddenly said and before Chris could react the Brit was through the door but only moments later came back.

Crawling onto bed between Chris' legs he stared in wonder as the Aussie lifted his hips for him to put the towel in place. Inhaling deeply he eventually opened the bottle of lube and poured some into his palm. Immediately the smell of strawberries filled the air.  
"Strawberry? Really?" Chris teased.  
"It... I like it." In fact it reminded him of his childhood when he helped his mum in the kitchen making strawberry jam. Those had been happy days...  
Invitingly Chris bucked his hips a little and with shaking fingers Tom reached for the pink hole after covering his index and middle finger with the sleazy gel.

Carefully he touched Chris opening rubbing his fingers over it and to his relief the Aussie let out a moan. When he felt the opening being slick with lube he carefully pressed his finger against it. He almost yelped when his finger was easily swallowed.  
"Oh God!" Chris moaned squeezing his eyes shut whilst Tom started pumping his finger in and out slowly. 

It was almost five minutes later when the Aussie begged "More, Tom. Please."   
The Brit had almost been in trance as he watched his finger glide in and out of his lover wondering if his hole felt that warm inside as well. Of course he had fingered himself before but it never had seemed to have been that warm.   
Chris' begging broke his trance and nodding lightly he added the second finger with the next pump. With wide eyes he watched Chris' cock weep precum onto his muscled stomach.   
Scissoring his fingers carefully inside his lover he struck something hard which caused the Aussie to gasp and arch his back. Was that...? Tom aimed for that spot again and when Chris let out a scream he suddenly wished he would be the one being fingered. He had always loved it to have his prostate stimulated. Fuck!

 

Half an hour later Chris begged again. His hole was stretched open and Tom had four fingers in already. "Tom, please, just fuck me already. Please!"  
Nodding Tom pulled out his fingers which caused a squelching sound before reaching for the condom.  
"I'd be fine without condom." Chris said carefully adding "I'm clean."  
"I... Okay. I am too." He had always loved to be fucked without protection feeling his lover's seed spread inside him.   
He squeezed a more than generous amount of lube onto his large dick before spreading it all over. Wiping his hands on the towel he knelt closer to Chris' entrance.   
"Ready?" Tom asked as he guided his erection to it's destination.  
"Hell, yes!"   
Nodding Tom placed his tip at the Aussie's entrance and was slightly shocked as he was basically sucked in.

They both groaned loudly which startled Tom as he thought he'd hurt his lover, so he wanted to pull out but Chris sensed that and wrapped his legs around Tom's thin waist.   
"Stay where you are, darling. It feels so fucking good."  
"Yes?" Tom asked insecurely.  
"Mhm. And how do you feel?"  
"I... It's... You..." He was actually overwhelmed. Nobody had done this for him before and it was nice. Really nice. "Amazing. You're amazing." Tom leaned over Chris and kissed him passionately while his hips started to move basically on their own accord thrusting into his lover. "So tight."   
"I love you, Tom."

For a while Tom was just lying on top of Chris thrusting into him when he suddenly remembered which angle had never failed to drive him crazy. So with a last kiss to Chris forehead he knelt between his legs lifting the Aussie's hips slightly with his knees and when he thrust his full length back in next Chris screamed in pleasure.

It didn't take more than six thrusts and Tom could feel the tight ring of muscle around him tighten even more and in wonder he watched as Chris cock spurted out his cum all over his chest.   
Seeking his own pleasure Tom gripped his lover's hips roughly whilst pounding into him and after another four thrusts he came as well deep in the Aussie's tunnel.

Coming down from his high Tom noticed that Chris was crying. He quickly pulled out and wanted to hug him but he stopped dead when he watched his whitish seed driggle from his lover's hole.  
"Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry. Oh, Chris, I..." Finally his stupor went away when he heard a sob from Chris.  
"No, darling. It was perfect. You are perfect. I'm just a bit overwhelmed that you trust me so much. I love you."  
Dumbfounded Tom cuddled Chris not quite believing him that he didn't hurt him. He must have. Why else would the Aussie cry?

 

Chris on the other hand was really overwhelmed by his feelings - especially after what he'd learned today. Tom must truely and deeply love him to do this for him. He must be really special to him and once again Chris regreted that he hadn't been completely honest with Tom. Was it too late now?

 

For a while they lay silently there facing each other until Chris finally broke the silence.   
"Thank you, darling."  
Slightly puzzled Tom looked at him "What for?"  
"For trusting me so much. I know it's not easy for you. So I know this was - is special. I love you, Tom."  
“I love you, too, Chris. And thanks for letting me do this."  
"Did you like it?" The Aussie still felt his lover's seed drying between his butt cheeks and couldn't wait for the next time.  
"Yeah. I... It was different." Tom thought of the delicious feeling of a cock rubbing over his prostate. Did Chris love it as he had once? "And you?"  
"You were spectacular. Can't wait to do it again."  
Tom smiled but thought he possible couldn't do that.

 

Tom was already half dosing in Chris arms. They were spooning and Chris was at the back his left hand lying under Tom's neck. The fingers of their left hands were linked together. Occasionally Chris would kiss his shoulder or head.   
While the Brit was half way to the land of dreams Chris' thoughts kept spinning around the shocking things he learned today, so he couldn't help but stare at the white scar on Tom's left wrist which was barely visible in the dim light of the lamp on the bedside table.  
Eventually his right hand moved to touch Tom's wrist first only lightly but the Aussie ended up tracing his index finger along the scar which seemed to startle Tom from his sleepy haze. For a few moments he just watched Chris trace the scar but he didn't dare to move nevermind say anything.  
"It wasn't an accident, was it?" The Aussie suddenly said.  
Swallowing the lump in his throat Tom just shook his head trying to get his hand away from Chris.   
"Was it because of what happened with your ex?"  
This time Tom nodded and whispered "Please..." He was surprised to hear his voice was filled with tears. "Please, don't..." He tugged at his hand again and Chris let go realising this hurt Tom - not physically but emotionally.  
"I'm sorry." He cuddled his lover closer. "I'll always be there for you. And if you want me to kill him, I will."

For a while Tom lay there sobbing in Chris' arms trying to forget those painful memories. What was his lover thinking about him now? God, hopefully he wasn't too disgusted by him.   
Clearing his throat Tom whispered "It just hurt too much. I only wanted it to stop. I'm so weak. I kn..."  
"Shhhh. Don't say that, my love. You aren't weak. You're fucking strong. And I love you for being who you are. I'm there for you if you need me."  
"Why are you not running? I'm a fucking wreck and you..." Tom trailed off shaking his head.  
"Because I love you from the bottom of my heart. I knew from the start that you had a rough past. And you've become so much stronger since the first time I've met you. Today at your mum's or at some moments you're all smiles and like a bundle of positive energy and I know that's who you are. And some stupid wanker told you differently or... I don't know... Makes me want to kill that prick.   
That scar only shows how much that idiot hurt you and I'm so sorry. But you're not weak. If you were, you wouldn't be here now."

Tom rolled around and burried his face in Chris chest sobbing some more whilst cuddling against the Aussie. He felt good in his arms, protected. Loved.


	9. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has Chris been entirely honest with Tom?
> 
> And what is Tom hiding?

Tom startled awake as he felt something hard press against his back and he almost panicked until he heard Chris moaning his name. He wanted to relax, he really wanted, but it just felt too awkward, so he lay tense in Chris tight grip feeling the Aussie's hard erection poking at his butt.   
Why couldn't he relax? Chris had shown him a trust no-one before him had. But still he was lying in his lover's arms fearing - what exactly? That he'll fuck him? No. Not really, Tom realised. That he'll hurt him. Yes. 

Chris stirred a little rubbing his crotch against Tom's butt cheeks moaning "So beautiful. So tight. Fuck!" Tom froze realising he was getting hard as well. Out of shock about his own reaction he basically jumped out of bed landing on the floor with a painful thud.  
"Ow." He groaned quietly.  
"Shit! You okay, Tom?" Chris looked down at him over the edge of the mattress.  
"Yeah," drawing his knees up he tried to hide his own erection but of course it was too late.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to..."  
"No!" Tom interrupted him. "Wasn't your fault. It's just... After last night I don't quite know why I can't... You know. I mean you're amazing. It's just... I..."  
"It's okay, darling. Take all the time you need."

 

Over breakfast they were awkwardly silent and Chris felt as if it was his fault - as if he'd hurt Tom somehow.   
"Everything okay, darling?" Chris finally asked as they cleared the table.   
"Mhm."   
Out of a sudden impulse Chris wrapped his arms around his lover and passionately kissed him. "I love you, baby. More than anything."  
First Tom tensed up a little but as the Aussie started to tickle him he couldn't help it but start to giggle.  
The rest of the day they spent in bed kissing and cuddling.

 

A few days later Tom embarked at a secret mission after he'd finished shooting that day. He took the underground and walked down to his tattoo studio where he had an appointment.  
"Hey, Tom. What's up?" Joe greeted him at the door.   
"Hey." They shook hands and half-hugged.  
"Ready for your new piercing?" Joe grinned wickedly at him.  
"Yeah. Only a bit nervous."  
"Should have brought your gorgeous boyfriend then."  
"It's a surprise." Actually Tom really wanted to surprise Chris with it. When he'd let Chris take him for the first time he'd lie there and his lover would discover his secret.  
"Don't worry, mate. It'll heal quickly down there. Come on."

Tom's fingers were shaking wildly as he slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He wasn't to keen on being naked in front of Joe.  
"Nothing I haven't seen before, mate." Joe laughed as he noticed his client's shyness.  
"Right."

 

The piercing itself wasn't very painful but he felt totally uncomfortable and nearly started crying. The only thing that calmed him was the thought of Chris and how he'd react when he first saw it.   
"Done. Here, have a look." Joe handed him a mirror so he could have a proper look and he loved it. And if he was honest it was the first piercing he got because he fancied its look and not to feel the pain or change his appearance.   
"Your boyfriend will love it. Should be healed in two to four weeks max."  
"Thanks. It's great."

 

That night was the first in ages he'd slept in his boxers. And he hoped Chris wouldn't worry too much.   
"You okay, darling?" Chris finally asked when Tom hadn't said a word for a while and just stared out the window.   
"Sure. Just exhausted." Well, it wasn't a lie but that moment Tom actually thought about ripping his boxers off and showing Chris his new piercing as he spread his legs in invitation. But could he really do that? Was he finally ready to have sex again? 

That alone robbed him of his sleep the entire week and when the director announced that they'd shoot the naked scenes the following week Tom was entirely on edge.   
Of course Chris noticed that as soon as his lover greeted him at the door on Friday evening.   
"What's wrong, baby?" He tried to pull him into a hug but he quickly retreated.  
"I can't do that. I just can't." The Brit ran his fingers through his hair and headed to the kitchen.   
Quickly following his lover Chris grabbed his arm. "Tell me what's wrong, darling?" In fact the Aussie had been worried all week as Tom wouldn't allow anything more sexual to happen than kissing. "Have I done something wrong?"  
Shaking his head Tom buried his face in his boyfriend's shoulder hugging him tightly.  
"I'm sorry, Chris. It's just... I'll have to be naked in front of the camera next week and..." He wouldn't understand so Tom trailed off.  
"You'll be fine, my love. You're beautiful."  
At that tears started to well up in his eyes and he started to cry remembering what had happened the last time he'd... "No! Don't go there," a voice in his head interrupted the way his thoughts were taking.   
"Let's go out. A good movie will take your head off everything. What do you think?"  
Grateful Tom nodded and half an hour later they entered the cinema.

 

Somehow Chris managed to keep him distracted all Saturday and Sunday. Thinking about it Tom couldn't, however, say how the Aussie had done it. He loved him even more for that.  
"I don't think I deserve you, Chris." He sighed as he cuddled into his boyfriend's muscled chest.  
"Of course you do. We're made for each other, my love."  
Grinning Tom felt his cock swelling and the slightly painful throb of his new piercing added to that. His instincts took over as he pushed Chris onto his back and started humping him.  
Although the Aussie would have preferred to do something else he also didn't mind as long as Tom seemed to be better again. 

 

Monday morning Tom left early as he had his monthly meeting with Maggie before he'd go to set. After their usual greeting Tom blurted out "I've done it! I had sex with Chris!"  
For a moment Maggie just stared at him in utter surprise, she hadn't thought Tom would be ready yet.  
"Not like that," Tom started to babble "God. He's offered that I could fuck him and, well..."  
A huge smile spread on her face "That's fantastic, Tom. How was it? How are you feeling?"  
"I love Chris. Nobody has done that for me before. He's... I think I might be ready."  
Her eyes widened and when she opened her mouth to ask if he was sure he continued.  
"I trust him so much. I mean, he let me do that. Oh, and he got a tattoo. Loads of stars and my name. Right here," Tom pointed at the left side of his chest "at his heart. I didn't think I'd ever be this happy again."  
"That's amazing, Tom."

They talked about their relationship for a while and how Chris had met Tom's family but knowing Tom she could sense there was something else. "And now tell me what's bothering you."  
Startled Tom looked at her with big eyes. Did she know him that well? "The movie I'm in... Well, I'll have to be naked in front of the camera."  
"And you're nervous about it."  
"Yes, I mean, it's not like, you know... But still. I'm scared that I'll have a panic attack or something."

 

While Maggie tried to calm him about this Chris was sitting in his flat staring at his browser. The humping had been good but somehow it wasn't enough, so he opened the page he'd not visited in a while. The three capital letters came into view and after hesitating for a moment he opened his favourites. After looking at the small pics he clicked on one called "Detention", tugged down his sweats and started to stroke himself.

 

"And action!"   
Tom was shaking. Not only because of the cold water of the lake he was emerging from but also because of the camera directly pointed at him. Apart from a pair of rubber shoes he was completely naked and - luckily - this would be the only scene where he'd be entirely naked.   
It was already the third take and he had hoped to finish this faster but on the first one he had slipped on a rock and on the second one some magpie had decided to interrupt the quiet and ruined the take.  
Slowly he headed towards the shore after breaching the surface of the water. He was still in the water to his belly but soon his most private parts would emerge and he swallowed hard. Suddenly he had an idea, he just had to pretend it wasn't a camera and five complete strangers but merely him and Chris.   
With a grin he ran a hand through his wet hair as he felt the surface of the lake caressing his balls and finally thighs and when his knees were out of the water he heard words that made him relax more than anything.  
"And cut! Perfect. Get out there, Tom."   
A relieved grin on his face he gratefully accepted the robe from an assistant as he left the cool lake.  
"That was absolutely hot. The girls will love it."

First Tom thought that would be the hardest scene to shoot as he had to be entirely naked but soon he found that he had been wrong. The make up people had given him some sort of sock to pull over his genitals but he felt more naked than he had at the lake as he lay in bed next to his co-star listening to their director and trying to ignore the two cameras.  
"Okay guys, I want this to be rough. Tom, I want you to ram your hips into her as if you intend to fuck her through the mattress. Jenny I want you to be loud – howling, you're a werewolf - and dig your nails into Tom's back. We'll digitally add some blood later on. Everything clear?"  
They both nodded but Tom just wanted to cry.  
"Great. Then into position."  
As instructed earlier Tom basically bend Jenny in the middle placing his arms at the back of her knees holding her legs spread wide.   
"Perfect. And action."

Five takes later Tom wanted to give up as he kept messing up the takes. Every time he caught the movement of the camera from the corner of his eye or saw the red light on it he'd freeze. The director shouted at him in anger and he was close to crying.   
“Alright. Break. We'll continue in 15 minutes.”

In his robe he sat in his dressing room tears slowly starting to run when there was a knock on the door.  
"Tom?" Jenny stuck her head in. "You okay?"  
Hiding his tears behind his hands he shook his head.  
"What's wrong? Are you afraid of getting hard or something?"  
He actually had to laugh at that as this wasn't a problem. Jenny wasn't ugly - far from it - but he loved Chris.   
"Then what is it?" She knelt down next to him "I know it's not your first sex scene as I've seen you in that Stephen O'Donnell film."  
The name sent a chill through his body and he sobbed even more.  
"Shit, Tom. What's wrong?"  
"The cameras... It's... I can't."  
She didn't say anything just hugged him sensing it was more than the cameras. 

For a while they sat silently Jenny hugging Tom in order to sooth him.  
"You know I'm also not too keen on everyone seeing my boobs bouncing on the big screen. Especially my dad! Jesus, haven't thought about that. Fuck!"  
Tom couldn't help but laugh as he thought about his mum and sisters seeing the movie. "They'll be shocked." Tom chuckled.  
"I've never seen dad blush. And I actually don't think I want him to see this movie when it comes out!" They laughed for a bit until the director's assistant interrupted them.  
"Ready to go on?"  
"Give us a minute." Jenny said to her.

"It's just you and me, Tom. There's nobody else in the room. Okay?"  
"Okay."   
Tom was nervous but every time his head started to move Jenny caught his face with both hands and pulled him into a kiss. She was fantastic at distracting him from their surroundings, so much that he eventually felt something stir in his modesty sock. But he was gay!   
"AAAAH!!!!!" Jenny screamed beneath him rubbing her fabric covered centre against his crotch. Shit! He actually started wondering how it would feel to bury his dick in her. Was it as hot as Chris tunnel?   
"FUUUCK!" He moaned in return and out of a sudden impulse he bit into her nipple which in return caused her to scream again.  
"Cut!"   
"Shit! Not again!" Tom thought.  
"That was awesome guys. And if I don't cut certain things I think this will get x-rated." The director joked.

Tom hardly heard him as he was focused on Jenny and her cunt still pressed against his semi-hard cock. How could this be? He was gay! He was sure of it.

 

The week carried on with more sex scenes. Why did they have to do them all in one week? Wednesday he was lying in bed with Jenny once again. They were supposed to kiss and cuddle while being filmed. The director said they could talk if they wanted as music would play over those scenes.   
Tom was on his back a thin cotton sheet covering his lower half and Jenny was cuddled against his chest with one of Tom's arms wrapped around her.  
"What's the dragon for?" She suddenly asked tugging the sheet off his thigh to reveal the beast. Absentmindedly she traced her fingers over the inked parts of Tom's body.  
"I kind of liked the idea."  
"Didn't that hurt?"  
"Like shit." He grinned when inside his heart was bleeding. He had hoped to drown out his aching heart with the tattoo but no pain had managed that.  
"You wanna go out tonight?" She drew circles onto his abs before stroking down his happy trail.  
"I've got a boyfriend." Tom blurted out. He really liked Jenny and he slowly started thinking that maybe he could be bi.   
"A boyfriend? Really?"  
"Mhm. His name is Chris." With a smile he thought how the Aussie had kissed him good-bye that morning.  
"Wow! You're gay?! Really?!" She couldn't quite believe it.  
"I've actually never had a girlfriend."  
"Well, how do you know then that you won't like it?"  
"I'm actually thinking that I might be bi. And all because of you." They burst out laughing and all too soon another sex scene was due. 

 

Two weeks later the shoot was coming to an end. It had been great fun for everyone involved. The wrap party was Saturday and Tom had invited Chris to come along.  
The Aussie hoped that now that the filming was done Tom would become more relaxed again, that they maybe could have sex again. Little did he know what Tom had planned...

 

Chris would soon pick him up for the party, so Tom wanted to shower quickly but as he thought of what he wanted to do with Chris soon he held in. Maybe he should first try on his own. Grabbing his body wash he squeezed a big load into his left palm and coated his right index finger with it. He was slightly shaking as he brought it between his butt cheeks. At first he immediately pulled back again but how could he let Chris touch him there if he couldn't even touch himself?   
Inhaling deeply he used even more body wash and this time he managed to circle the pucker between his cheeks. God, that felt so good. He'd almost forgotten just how good. With shaky fingers he applied more of the slick body wash and a moment later his finger slowly sank into that tight heat. Fuck! 

First his breath was shaky but as there was no pain only that strangely familiar stretch he relaxed. Truth was he couldn't wait for Chris to make love to him. The Aussie had been so kind and understanding those last weeks. Of course there was another surprise waiting for Chris right between his dick and balls when IT finally happened...   
The piercing was completely healed by now and he loved it. To make sure Chris would get the perfect look at it he shaved his pubes. He was finally ready!

 

Chris' jaw dropped when Tom opened the door for him, his black hair looked better than ever and he wore one of those fucking tight jeans along with a more than tight olive-green cotton t-shirt. Chris guessed it used to have a wider fit before Tom had met and trained with him. He could basically see every single muscle on Tom's front plus the two nipple piercings.  
"Wow, baby, you look breathtaking."  
"Thanks, Chris. You look great as well." He kissed his lover and almost wanted to suggest to stay at home.  
"However, I'm not quite sure I want my sexy boyfriend to go out like that."  
"What?!" Tom stared at him with wide eyes.  
"That shirt's fucking tight. I don't want everybody to basically see every last bit of you."  
"Well, I've spent an entire week of being naked on this set. I've told you, haven't I."  
"Yes, and I can't quite believe it. You're MY boyfriend."  
"Getting possessive, are we?" Tom teased as he grabbed his leather jacket. "I'll tell you something: I'm all yours when we get back."  
Chris let out a low growl. "Can't wait for that."

 

The party was fun and to Tom's surprise Chris and Jenny got on brilliantly - even after Jenny admitted that she found Tom hot.  
"Well, he fucking is." Chris grinned and Tom laughed nervously thinking how it would be to invite Jenny to their bed. Chris downed a few beers while Tom mostly stuck to water or coke, after all he wanted to keep his head clear. However, when he realised Chris wasn't particularly concerned about staying sober he leaned into him whispering into his ear "I'll need you to be able to still touch me later on, so maybe that should be your last beer?"  
The Aussie couldn't help but notice the Brit's nervous undertone and swallowed hard. Was he finally ready? He asked his lover just that and when Tom gave a shy nod saying "I think so" Chris wanted to tug him out of the room and take him straight home.  
"You sure?"  
"Not entirely. But I want to. It's..."  
"Is it too early to leave?" Chris already felt his erection growing.  
"We've only been here for an hour."  
"Still."  
"Another hour, okay?"

After another 30 minutes Tom couldn't wait a second longer and gripped Chris hand. "Let's go."  
"But it's not been an ho..."  
"I know. Fuck!"  
Chris had to chuckle as he noticed Tom was possibly even harder than himself, so they quickly jumped into a cap and drove home.

 

Once the door of Tom's flat closed behind them they started to undress each other while passionately kissing. Sucking at one of Tom's pierced nipples Chris unbuckled the belt on his lover's pants before reaching for the button and zipper.  
"Bedroom." Tom pressed out just before Chris could shove his pants down. 

They stumbled into the bedroom and Chris finally managed to tug Tom's jeans down leaving him in a tenting pair of black briefs. He basically wanted to rip them off, too eager to have what several other men had before him but Tom suddenly stopped him.  
"Could you get the lube from the bathroom?"   
"The bathroom? Isn't it in your drawer?"  
"No." Tom had needed it earlier and now it gave him time to set up his surprise.  
"Be right back." The Aussie quickly stepped out of his pants and headed out the door and down the hall.

Swallowing hard Tom tugged down his briefs and got onto bed. His heart was hammering as he slowly lay onto his back putting his feet down and spreading his legs. Last he tugged his hard dick onto his stomach so Chris had a good view of his surprise(s).  
Closing his eyes Tom tried to take deep breathes and waited for his lover to come back.   
He hadn't heard his foot steps so when he heard a surprised "holy fuck" he nearly jumped out of his skin.   
Looking towards the door he saw Chris staring down between his legs. Slightly nervous he waited for his lover's next words. Did he like what he saw?  
"You've been wearing that plug all evening?"  
Blushing crimson Tom nodded. After fingering himself in the shower he wanted to get used to that feeling again - to be ready for Chris.  
"And you've got a new piercing?" The Aussie dropped the lube on the bed before kneeling between Tom's long legs.   
"Do you like it?"  
With curious fingers Chris tugged at the small ring in the base of Tom's cock. "Yeah. Shit, that's hot." Oh, yes, his Tom could be slutty. He loved it!

 

For a while they just touched and kissed as Tom was obviously nervous, so Chris tried to calm him a little that way. He knew this wasn't easy for Tom, so he didn't take anything for granted.   
Eventually he reached for the black end of the butt plug in his lover and carefully tugged. The plug came free easily and Chris was slightly surprised to find it quite short.  
"You're still sure?" Chris asked carefully.  
Tom's heart was beating fast as he was nervous and also a bit scared but he eventually nodded spreading his legs a bit wider.  
With one hand the Aussie reached for the lube while he bent forward and placed a gentle kiss on Tom's newest piercing. "You look amazing, my love."

Wide eyed Tom watched as his lover coated the fingers of his right hand with lube and carefully reached towards his butt. He lightly flinched as the finger first touched his puckered hole and he said to himself "it's only Chris" over and over. Before he knew it the first finger was slowly gliding into him which caused him to whimper lightly.  
Immediately stopping Chris looked at him "We don't have to."  
"Please... Go on." His voice was shaky and he was waiting for that bolt of lightning shooting through him when his lover would finally touch him there.

Carefully Chris moved in and out watching in wonder as Tom's dick came to life and slowly hardened on his belly in return he felt more and more aroused himself. He couldn't quite believe this was really happening. The butt plug had surely helped his lover to relax and he admired him for being so brave and basically wearing it in public.   
"Ready for the second one?" Chris gently caressed his lover's inner walls as he slowly pulled out to add the second finger. He wasn't sure but he thought he could feel an uneven part on the back but it was way too long to be what he thought it was. "Tom?" He still hadn't received an answer and the Brit was just staring at him with wide eyes. "You okay?"

After a short moment he nodded and whispered "All good. Keep going, please."  
He'd never applied that much lube before and suddenly he realised they hadn't put a towel down but right that moment he couldn't care less as he slowly pressed two fingers into his boyfriend.

Deliberately Chris had avoided Tom's prostate until now as he wanted to make sure Tom was really comfortable with the stretch and not just desperately wanting to be touched there. But with the Brit's cock half hard he knew he could go further, so he slightly crooked his fingers and touched that hard spot. And his lover's reaction came immediately.  
"FUUUCK!" His hips bucked and his dick twitched.  
"Alright?" Chris wasn't sure if he might have pressed too hard.  
"Again. Please, Chris." He'd seen this expression before and he felt himself harden even more thinking about the sounds he'd soon be hopefully hearing.

Next he slowly dragged his fingers over the sensitive - or in Tom's case probably over-sensitive - gland and the sound he got was a mixture of a moan and whimper. In wonder Chris watched as Tom tried to wiggle his hips in order to get more stimulation.   
"So eager?"  
"I've totally forgotten how good this can be. Please, Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaah!"  
Precum was pulsing from his lover's dick when he rhythmically pressed his fingers into his prostate. 

Chris used that moment of ecstasy to push in a third finger and he was almost sure Tom hadn't even noticed. He started to roughly fingerfuck him avoiding his prostate in order not to make him cum already. 

He had planned to put in a forth finger before sticking his dick in but apparently Tom had different plans.   
"Please, Chris. I want your cock in me. Make me feel good." He let out a groan on hearing the normally shy Brit beg for his cock.  
"Course, darling. Let me just..." The Aussie reached for the night stand to get a condom but Tom stopped him.  
"I want to feel you. Please."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes. Please, Chris." 

The Aussie quickly leaned down and kissed his lover while bringing his hips and dick in position. And then he thrust in...  
There mouths were still connected in a French kiss that moment and Tom let out a muffled yelp but not of pain. When the Aussie pulled back and looked at him for a moment a grin spread on the Brit's face and their tongues fought for dominance once again while Chris' dick sank deeper and deeper into his boyfriend.

First their love making was slow and tender but eventually neither of them could hold back, so shifting positions Chris made sure to brush Tom's prostate. The room was soon filled with loud slaps of skin on skin accompanied by Tom's yelps and moans.  
Thrusting upwards Chris drew sounds from Tom's lips he'd never thought to hear in real life. He loved every single bit of this and then Tom came.   
Chris held in for a moment watching a thick load of white cum shoot all over his lover's chest straight to his face drawing a white line almost exactly from his lip ring to the one in his eyebrow. Letting out a growl the Aussie even increased the pace and basically with every of his thrusts Tom's cock twitched and released another load.   
Finally Chris felt his balls tighten and a moment later his seed filled Tom to the brim.

Carefully Chris pulled out after a while when he realised Tom was crying.   
"You okay, baby? Say so... Fuck!" He watched in wonder as his seed slowly seeped from his lover's butt. What a sight!  
"Hold me. Please, baby."  
"Of course." Chris quickly lied down next to him trying to avoid spreading Tom's cum even more. But the Brit rolled to his side, so they were facing each other and pressed his cum stained chest to Chris burying his face in the Aussie's chest and hugging him closely.  
"You okay? I didn't hurt you?" Chris was worried. Had he gone too far?  
"I'm brilliant. Thank you, baby." Tom cuddled into him even more and soon his breathing had evened out and the Brit was sleeping soundly in his arms.  
Pulling the blanket over them Chris thought to himself "What a fucking mess." but only chuckled and soon fell asleep as well. He was happy. More than happy, in fact.


	10. Point Blank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loads of smut in this one.  
> Plus a bomb being dropped at the end...

The next morning Tom woke first, his head still resting against Chris chest. A wide smile spread on his face the moment he realised what had happened the night before. In fact he still felt the light soreness and he loved it.   
Shifting lightly he felt how sticky he still was. God, he had cum like a rocket and he couldn't wait to do it again. 

Almost like right on cue Chris stirred beside him and finally blinked his eyes meeting Tom's wide grin.  
"Hey, baby." He rasp seductively.  
"Morning." Tom paused for a moment before teasingly adding "Sir."  
A groan left Chris lips "Don't say that."  
"Would you like me to call you that?" Tom's hand dropped between them and wrapped around both their cocks.  
"Only if you want to call me that."  
"But it's a turn on for you?" Tom squeezed their hardening genitals a bit tighter.   
"Yeah. But don't say it if you don't want everything that goes with it. And to be honest I don't think you're ready for that?"  
"Why don't you tie me down and fuck me again - Sir?"  
"Tom. Seriously. I don't w..."  
"Please, Chris. I think I might like that. But I have to be able to see you at all times."  
Furrowing his brows Chris smiled "Are you sure?"  
"Yes." Tom already rolled onto his back lifting his arms above his head and spreading his legs.

 

About half an hour later they lay heavily panting on bed next to each other. Tom shuddered lightly as he felt Chris' cum slowly trickle out of his butt.  
"That was amazing." Chris grinned slowly tugging the cord of Tom's robe open again, which he had used to tie his wrists to the bed frame.  
The Brit couldn't talk just nodded in exhaustion. God, how he'd missed this. Winking at him the Aussie leaned down a little and collected a thick trail of Tom's cum from his chest with his tongue. "My delicious darling."  
With wide eyes he watched as Chris licked away the cum soiling his still lightly heaving chest.   
"I think we should take a bath and change those sheets afterwards, my darling." Chris slowly sat back his eyes involuntarily going between Tom's legs. He loved seeing the proof of what just happened between his lover's butt cheeks.   
"Like what you see?" Tom smiled.  
"Very much. And now come. Let's get cleaned up."

 

Tom lay cuddled on Chris' chest after they'd washed the sperm covering their upper bodies off. Kissing the Aussie's neck Tom asked "What do you want for your birthday?"  
"Don't know. A nice evening with you."  
Tracing one finger around Chris nipple the Brit chuckled "I'm stupid, you know. I should have kept our first time for your birthday."  
"Well, it wasn't really the first time." Chris grinned remembering how much he'd liked to have Tom take him.  
"You know what I mean."  
"Sure. And I'm grateful that you didn't wait. I was actually worrying for the last weeks as you'd always keep your boxers on around me and we hardly did anything more than dry humping."  
"Well... Didn't want to ruin my surprise."  
"That piercing is absolutely hot. YOU are absolutely hot."

After a while of just lying there Chris grabbed the body wash and massaged it first into Tom's shoulders and back before going further south and rubbing it into the Brit's butt cheeks. Closing his eyes and cuddling even more into the Aussie he suddenly yelped as his buttocks were pushed apart and a soapy finger disappeared into his hole.  
"What, darling? Just cleaning you properly."  
"Well, you know, I like to have your seed in me. To feel you there."  
"You're horrible," Chris chuckled as he felt himself harden at his lover's confession. 

 

* * *

 

Jenny was grinning when she saw Tom walking down the sidewalk towards her. His hair was shorter and not as messy as it had been also - she noticed - the piercing in Tom's eyebrow was missing.  
"Hey, gorgeous." She greeted him with a hug.  
"Hi, Jen. You look amazing." 

They headed into the small Café and sat into a quiet corner where they talked about their current projects, Tom's relationship and how she still couldn't believe Tom was gay.  
"You know, it's his birthday next weekend and I don't quite know what to get him."  
"New set of training clothes?" Jenny joked.  
"Oh, come on."  
"Would surely be useful."  
"I was thinking about something more personal." Tom leaned closer "But I'm not sure if it'll be too much."  
"You want to ask him to marry you?!" She giggled creating a mental image of Tom in a white wedding dress.  
"Oh, shut up, you." Tom playfully punch her shoulder "That's way too early. No. I was thinking about something for the bedroom and I wanted to ask you to help me pick something out."  
"You want me to go to a sex shop with you?"

 

Later the same day they entered one and had to giggle about the weird costumes in the shop's windows. They were both lightly blushing as they entered and were greeted by a large display of various vibrators and dildos.   
"God, that one's massive!" Jenny stared at a large life-like phallus.  
"No-one's got a dick like that. And I wouldn't want to..." He trailed off as he saw a sales woman come towards them.  
"Hi, welcome to Fluffy Smut. My name is Caren. How can I help you?"  
Tom already wanted to say they were just looking when Jenny decided to answer for him. "Well, my friend there is looking for something he can surprise his boyfriend with for his birthday."  
"Great. Then I think it should be something that you'll both enjoy together. Come along the partner toys are over there." Tom's head was a deep red as he followed behind her.

They stopped in between two large shelves with various stuff. Tom's eyes immediately landed on a set of leather cuffs with metal loops.   
"Something most gay couples enjoy is a vibrating cock ring." She picked up a dark blue ring with a weird looking bit on top. "Stimulated the partner who wears it with the vibrations and the top part buzzes against the partners perineum.   
Tom blushed even more thinking about how he'd most likely come undone if Chris would wear that.  
"Or if you both enjoy penetration I can recommend the X234X double dildo." Lifting a long box she held it towards Tom who just shook his head totally embarrassed.  
"Or a nice set of lingerie?"   
"I... We... It's..." Tom's eyes involuntarily went back to the leather cuffs and of course Caren immediately saw that.  
"Oh, you guys are into BDSM. But those cuffs aren't any good if you're looking for the real deal. Come on." 

She led the way into another section of the shop which had dark red walls with black decoration. "Those are the best. They are padded and assure your wrists or ankles aren't to uncomfortable when being bound."  
Jenny looked at him with a stupid grin and Tom playfully hit her on the upper arm.  
"I... Yeah. I'll take those." Of course he had researched more about BDSM and tried to ask Chris about what he liked but the Aussie didn't want to go into more detail, afraid of scaring his lover off.   
"Fantastic. Good choice."   
Next his eyes landed on something he found utterly hot and he thought that this would be the perfect gift for Chris - and himself.  
With shaky fingers he reached for the box and both women looked at each other with a smirk. 

They left the shop with the two items Tom had selected plus the blue cock ring Caren had given him as a gift and Jenny had decided she could use a new vibrator.  
"I didn't think you could be so kinky, dear Tommy." She joked as they were on their way to the underground.  
"Oh, shut up you! Who bought the biggest vibrator they had?"  
"Well, a girl has to have her pussy properly stuffed every now and then."  
A old woman walking by glared at them and swore which made them both giggle.

 

Saturday afternoon Tom took a taxi from his audition for a theatre role to Chris' flat. Hoping that Chris was home already Tom quickly stopped at the baker's down the street and picked up the cake he'd ordered for his lover.   
The Aussie didn't want to celebrate because the situation with his family which was why Tom hadn't invited his own family to come over. It would just be him and Chris.

Grabbing his overnight bag with his surprises for Chris he paid the cabby and headed to the building. Juggling his bag and the cake in his hands he managed to ring the bell with his elbow.  
"Hello?"  
"It's me, darling."   
"Tom!" Chris wasn't expecting him until 6 in the evening, so Tom was happy to hear his lover's joyful voice. A moment later the door buzzed and he headed inside and up the two flights of stairs. The door to the Aussie's flat was already open and Chris stood there with a big, boyish grin as he saw Tom coming upstairs.

"Happy birthday, my love." Tom grinned as he held out the cake before reaching into the pocket of his jacket to give him his first surprise.   
"Thank you, baby." Chris hugged and kissed him before they went inside.   
Taking off his shoes Tom inwardly grinned as Chris stared at the small box he'd wrapped the vibrating cock ring in.   
"What's this?" The Aussie held the box in his fingers turning it up and down.  
"Well, why don't you open it?" Tom leaned in and kissed his lover's cheek while guiding him down the hallway towards the large eat-in kitchen of Chris' flat. On the way he strategically put his bag down next to the bathroom door. 

With wide eyes and slightly shaking fingers Chris slowly opened the box as if its content would jump at him any moment. The grin on Tom's face grew wider as the Aussie discovered the strangely looking blue silicon ring.  
"What's that?"   
"I'm shocked, Sir," Tom teased him "I thought a man like you would know what a cock ring is."   
The realisation dawned on Chris face as he figured how the little thing worked and when he found the little button he pressed it. "Hmmm, I could imagine a certain someone wailing when this thing is pressed into his perineum."  
Only last week Chris had managed to make his boyfriend cum by simply licking, biting and sucking at that spot. Obviously remembering the same moment Tom blushed from head to toe.  
"And I've got you a cake," the Brit pointed at the other box currently resting on the kitchen counter.  
Raising his eyebrows the Aussie opened it and burst out laughing when he saw a koala shaped cake with a sign "Happy Birthday, my koala bear".  
"I love you, Tom." He hugged his boyfriend tightly and they passionately kissed. "I don't think I've ever had such a fantastic birthday."  
"And it's not over, yet," Tom teased thinking about the two things he had bought at the sex shop. Apparently Chris referred his remark to the cock ring as he picked it up and grinned at his boyfriend.   
"Yeah, can't wait to try this."

Eating a bit of the cake and having some coffee they talked about their day, Tom being excited about the role he auditioned. It was another Shakespeare play called Julius Caesar and Tom kept rumbling on about what he loved about it. Chris just sat and listened looking forward to seeing his boyfriend on stage.  
"Oh, by the way my family sends their best wishes. They would have come as well but I wasn't sure if you wanted that."  
Grabbing his lover's hands the Aussie grinned "This is perfect. Just you and me."

They cuddled on the sofa and watched a movie before ordering take-out as Chris wanted to immediately try his gift after dinner.   
"You wanna eat take-out on your birthday?" Tom pretended to be shocked but having a strong feeling there was a reason for Chris wanting to stay in.  
"Yeah, that way you can be my dessert." Winking at his lover the Aussie palmed the Brit's dick through his trousers. "Do you mind?"   
"Not at all." Perfect. As Tom himself couldn't wait to show Chris his other surprises.

 

After dinner Chris cleared the table when Tom excused himself to the bathroom. On his way he grabbed his bag and locked the door. Once inside he quickly stripped and opened the bag. First he pulled out the four black wrist and ankle cuffs which he quickly put on himself fixing them rather tightly. Next his shaky fingers pulled out the other device he'd bought. He'd tried to put it on at home already as he wanted to make sure he knew what he was doing. Slipping the metal ring in place around his dick and balls he put the long metal tube in place before locking it. The key to his now trapped cock dangled on a silver necklace.  
Grinning he put on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt, so that Chris wouldn't immediately see his surprises.

 

In the meantime Chris was putting the dirty dishes into the dishwasher thinking about how he'd make Tom wail with his birthday present like that Santa guy had.  
In the last weeks Tom had gotten more and more open about sexual play. Last week he'd even worn a thick, long, vibrating butt plug when they went to the club. Chris had enjoyed to torture his boyfriend when he flirted with other people on the dance floor while Chris sat and rested. Every time Tom had gotten too close to someone he'd press a button on the little remote in his jeans pocket. It had been a wonder that Tom had agreed to wear it in the first place but they had had a fun night - not only at the club.   
He also loved Tom's new look with his black hair cut just beneath his ears, however, he'd still always straighten it. About two weeks back he'd ask him to keep the curls after they had showered together but Tom just shook his head.  
   
He heard the bathroom door open and when he turned his boyfriend had changed into sweat pants and a loose sweater. Chris didn't mind the sweats but the sweatshirt was definitely too wide for his liking.   
"You're not keeping this on, darling?" Chris teased taking a step closer to Tom.   
The Brit just shrugged his shoulders as he pulled something from the pocket of his sweats. It was a silver necklace and slowly Tom lifted it towards him.   
"What's this?" Chris looked from the thing in Tom's hand to his lover.   
"The second part of your gift."  
The Aussie didn't wear any jewellery and Tom knew that but he suspected the gift had more to do with the key which was hanging from the delicate silver. "And what does this thing unlock?" The key was pretty small, so Chris was lightly confused.  
"You'll find out." Tom winked at him as he turned and headed to the sofa.

Shaking his head Chris quickly followed him. "Take that ugly sweater off, darling and we can try the cock ring."  
"Why don't you do it yourself?" The Brit was still standing as if he'd waited for Chris to join him.  
"I love to unwrap you, my lovely puppy." Chris reached for the zipper of the sweatshirt and quickly tugged it down. The fabric immediately fell open and revealed Tom's firm chest. Brushing it aside Chris immediately leaned in and licked at his boyfriends nipples before kissing down to his navel. His big hands reached for Tom's shoulders and brushed the fabric off. But what was that?!

Startled he took a step back and stared at the leather around Tom's thin wrists. Both had metal loops attached to them and Chris knew this was proper bondage equipment. He loved how his boyfriend looked with his piercings, the low hanging sweats and the black leather around his wrists.  
"Why are you wearing those?" They'd never spoken about anything like bondage or other things Chris would have loved to try with him although he had tied him down a couple of times already.  
"I..." Tom swallowed the sudden lump in his throat "I trust you, Chris. And I know you want to try... stuff, so I figured this was a good place to start."  
"You're amazing, baby. Come on." Eagerly Chris grabbed his lover's hand and tugged him towards his bedroom which was connected to the main room with a sliding door. 

He led Tom to his bed and made him lie down. "Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. And you've tied me down before."  
"True. If you want me to stop, just say it, okay?"  
"You don't want me to say red or something like that?"   
"If you want to..." Chris reached up to the headboard and tugged out a long rope on both sides, on each end was a carabiner which he quickly connected to the loops on Tom's wrist cuffs. He couldn't help but notice the lack of pubes in his lover's armpits and now that he noticed that, he also realised that the Brit's happy trail was gone.  
"You didn't have to." He'd mentioned once that he liked the no-hair variety but didn't think Tom would consider it.  
"It's your birthday." Tom shrugged his shoulders before adding with a grin and seductive voice "Sir."   
"You're a little devil, my puppy. Let me get that cock ring and we can start the fun."

Putting the blue thing onto the bedside table Chris shrugged off his shirt and jeans leaving him in his boxers. To his surprise there was no sign that Tom was excited as well compared to the slowly growing tent in his boxers. Well, he had to change that. Or was the Brit scared?  
"Everything alright, baby?" He gestured to the bindings.  
"Yes." It was a gasp and it definitely sounded aroused but w... No! The key! He wouldn't! The Aussie's eyes widened.   
Curious he got on bed next to his lover and hooked his fingers into the waistband of his sweats.

 

From the moment Chris had opened his sweatshirt and sucked his nipples his cock had grown harder and harder. He actually started to regret putting the cock cage on as soon as Chris had tied him to the bed and started to undress as his erection was painfully pressing against its confinement.  
Tom was jealously staring at the growing bulge in Chris boxers but then the Aussie suddenly stiffened.   
"Everything alright, baby?"  
His answer was a gasp of arousal and pain as the metal tightly squeezed his flesh. Tom watched as Chris' expression changed, he caught him licking his lips and a moment later he was on bed beside him. A shiver ran through Tom's body as Chris' strong hands started to tug on the waistband of his sweats. Lifting his hips he helped his lover to get them off.  
"Fucking hell!" The Aussie's huge, blue eyes were staring at his other surprise and with a gasp Tom managed a quiet "Happy birthday, Sir."  
"You're nuts, Tom. You have no idea what this means to me!"  
"After researching a bit I might have an inkling." Tom smiled.  
"Does it hurt?" Chris carefully lifted Tom's trapped genitals and watched in wonder how his lover's huge erection pressed against the tiny metal cage.  
"More than I thought it would. But it's fine."   
"You're sure?" Chris slowly let go of him.  
"Yes. I love you, Chris."

They kissed passionately for a while before Chris finally tugged his sweats down completely.  
"Fuck me!" He exclaimed the minute he saw the ankle cuffs on his lover.  
"Do you like it? I thought I'll gift myself to you for your birthday."  
A single tear was rolling out of Chris' eye. "That's perfect. You're amazing." Eagerly the Aussie jumped up and a moment later two ropes came out from beneath the foot end of the bed. Before securing the carabiner on the ankle cuff he looked at Tom who gave him a reassuring nod. 

In wonder Chris stared at his lover's long limps spread out on the bed, his body presented to him and ready to be used as Chris saw fit.   
"You're the best present I've ever got. Thank you, my love."  
"You're very welcome, Sir."  
"Whenever it's getting too much, just tell me. Okay?"  
"Yes, Sir."

 

Being spread out before his lover felt weirdly good although his cock was throbbing inside its metal cage. He watched as Chris tugged down his boxers, his erection bobbing up and down for a moment. Winking at him the Aussie crawled onto the bed towering above him.   
"My deliciously filthy puppy." His head bent down and he thrust his tongue into the Brit's mouth.  
Eventually pulling back Chris kissed down his long neck before reaching his nipples which he greedily sucked into his mouth one after the other until Tom's hips bucked upwards and a desperate and pained whine fell from his lips.   
His erection was still trying to break free but of course there was no way. Tears of pain welled up in his eyes but he could stand it a bit longer. But it seemed Chris had different plans as he suddenly reached for the key.   
"I'm fine. You don't have to." He tried to argue.  
"I know. But I want to taste you."

Had the pain been harsh before it was even worse as the metal tube came off and Tom let out a loud scream as his blood rushed into his dick, the cool air around it feeling like needles.  
"Shhhh, my cute puppy." Chris gave a slow nod tender lick to the underside of his swollen manhood which felt more intense than anything he had ever experienced.  
When a moment later Chris slowly let his dick glide into his hot mouth Tom nearly came bucking his hips wildly as much as his bindings allowed.   
"Calm down, love" Chris chuckled "or you'll hurt yourself."   
Again the Aussie went down on him while one hand massaged his heavy balls. It didn't take more than a few sucks and Tom came into Chris' mouth. 

Still quite delirious Tom lay there heavily panting. With a grin Chris' face came up to meet his. Somehow automatic the Brit's lips parted to welcome his lover's tongue but he wasn't prepared for what happened in the least.  
Once Chris' mouth was on his the Aussie part his lips lightly and a stream of slimy cum filled Tom's mouth. His eyes widened as he slowly realised that Chris was feeding him his own seed which made him whine and his almost flaccid cock twitched.  
"Now you know how divine you taste, my love."  
Still struggling to swallow the huge load he stared back at Chris who gently caressed him.

With a final kiss the Aussie slowly got up admiring how Tom's spent cock rested on his hip his genital piercing barely visible. The Brit watched as his lover disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. His eyes fixed and his ears peaked he tried to figure out what Chris was doing in there but he couldn't tell. It seemed like ages when he heard a few steps in there but the door didn't open. The Aussie was testing him - or better his patience - so he was sitting on the closed toilet seat staring out the window and slowly stroking himself.  
It had been hardly 5 minutes when Tom's whiny voice made him grin. "Chris? Please come back. Please." 

He didn't open the door immediately giving himself a few more strokes he searched his cabinet for the extra stimulating lube and finally headed out again. Immediately when the door opened the Brit relaxed into the mattress.  
"Patience isn't one of your virtues, is it puppy?"  
"I'm afraid no. Sorry, Sir."  
"It's fine. You'll learn. For now spread your lovely legs a bit more."  
Eagerly Tom obeyed seeing the lube. Until recently he hadn't known that there was lube which could make the sensations of sex even better - not until Chris had introduced him to it. He loved the slightly tickling sensation the lube caused on his inner walls and when a moment later Chris finger disappeared in him he let out a gasp of anticipation.   
"Oh, hang on." The Aussie quickly pulled out again and headed back to the bathroom. Luckily this time he came back after only a few seconds holding a towel. 

Chris had to chuckle when he saw that his lover was already lifting his hips for the towel to be placed beneath him.   
"Such an eager puppy."  
"Yes, Sir. After all I'm your present." Tom grinned mischievously.  
"Right." With a wink Chris poured some lube into his right palm before grabbing the cock cage with the left. "You'll love this." Making sure to tug Tom's foreskin back as far as possible he smeared the lube over his lover's cock focusing on the sensitive head. Once the head was shiny with lube he put the cock cage back in place and just as he closed the lock, the first groan fell from his boyfriend's lips.

It felt as if someone was tickling the head of his cock and apparently some of the lube had gone into his urethra as its inside tickled as well. By the time Chris finger sank into his butt again he was painfully hard again, his dick desperately pressing against the metal.  
"Fuuuuck! Chris!" His eyes wide as a little child's he stared at his lover.  
"Shhhh. Is it too bad? Do I need to take it off?"  
"No, Sir." He could stand it a bit longer, well, in fact he kind of liked the pain. 

 

With four of Chris' fingers in his butt he was desperate although the Aussie had avoided to touch his prostate. A few droplets of precum were leaking from the round opening of the cage when he saw that Chris was actually worried.  
"I'll take it off now. Okay?"  
"No... Please, Sir... It's good... Feels good..." The words came out as gasps and Chris somehow admired how his lover was committed to please him.  
"Okay. But if it gets too much, you have to tell me!"  
"Yes, Sir."  
Grabbing the blue silicon ring Chris quickly shoved it over his stiff dick and slowly entered his boyfriend's tight hole. He actually was still surprised just how tight he was after all those guys taking him - not to forget the double pen... "Focus, Chris!"

Once he was fully sheathed he pressed the tiny button and the thing started to vibrate. Slowly leaning forward he made sure to press it into Tom's perineum and the sound he got was something he'd never heard before, a high-pitched scream, which he thought not possible for someone with Tom's deep voice.  
It was too good. He couldn't hold back so he pounded wildly into his lover's tight ass. 

All the sensations were slowly getting too much for Tom. The tickling lube on his cock and in his butt, the pain of the cock cage confining him and now also Chris' vibrating cock.  
"Please, S... Chris... Take... It... Offffff!"  
"Shit! Sure, baby." Holding in the Aussie grabbed the key and freed his lover's trapped shaft which immediately went off like a geyser.  
Watching in wonder how his lover's dick quickly filled and shot cum all over them both only made his pace faster pounding into the limp body beneath him.

By the time Chris came as well Tom was coming again, his balls impossibly tight against his body as if they wanted to disappear. With shaking fingers Chris turned off the vibrating as he shot his load into his lover.

Tears were streaming down Tom's face by the time Chris had finished as well.  
"Shit! Baby! Look at me!" There was no reaction, so Chris quickly pulled out and opened the bindings leaving the leather cuffs on for now.  
Tugging his lover to his chest a whine came from Tom's chest and when he slowly blinked his eyes the Aussie knew his boyfriend was in subspace. Immediately he relaxed, cuddling and soothing his exhausted lover.

 

* * *

 

It was late October and Tom was on his way to Chris' flat where they spent most of their time. Not because they liked it better but because Chris had all the kinky sex toys at his. A wide grin spread over Tom's face as he thought about how they'd fucked on the carpet the night before. They'd also talked about moving in together but Tom was currently too busy being on stage almost every night. 

Exhausted he ran up the two flights of stairs hoping Chris was home already as his newest client, a stinking rich business man, often wanted to train late at night. Fishing his key from his pocket he quickly unlocked the door and when he saw the light in the bedroom a happy squeal escaped him. Quickly stepping out of his shoes he hung up his jacket and sprinted down the short hallway.  
"Hey, puppy." Chris greeted him with a wicked grin holding a familiar black thing in his fingers.   
"Good evening, Sir." Tom loved to submit to Chris. He always felt so protected and loved.  
They kissed chastely before the Aussie started to undress him. 

Once Tom was down to his briefs Chris made him kneel on the bed and put the thick black leather collar around his boyfriend's neck. Only the feeling of the leather on his skin made the Brit's cock swell.  
"On your back, puppy."  
With a grin Tom jumped into position automatically lifting his arms above his head.

After only a few minutes he was lying there naked with his arms restrained and his ankles fixed to a spreaders bar. Wide-eyed he watched as the Aussie got two ropes from the wardrobe and with quick moves his legs were up in the air, the spreaders bar tied to the head board.

"Do you know what that is, my love?" Chris held a thick and long silver plug with wires coming out of it. Shaking his head Tom had an idea but prayed he was wrong.  
"It's a butt plug with electricity running through it. You'll love it."  
Swallowing hard Tom shuddered lightly as he knew Chris was right. 

The thing was quickly put in place and with a grin Chris turned the round knob sending a gentle wave of power through the thing. The Brit felt a light tickle inside him which made his erection only grow more.   
Keeping the light setting Chris started to kiss and lick all over his body running his hands through the chin-long black hair.   
Eventually Chris kissed the underside of Tom's sac which caused the Brit to moan loudly.  
"Remember, you'll only cum when I allow it, puppy."

By now Tom was quite good in holding back his ejaculation but this time he doubted that he could. As if to proof that Chris turned the power up a bit and in response the Brit's dick jumped wildly.  
"No! Not yet." From one moment to the other all stimulation stopped and Tom let out a desperate whine. "Shhhh, baby. Everything good. Look how beautiful your cock is jumping."  
They'd done edging before but not that way. The thing was everything about it turned Tom on: the vulnerable position he was in, with his arms tied; the warm leather collar wrapped tightly around his neck; Chris gently touching him; and not to forget the plug inside him.

Over the next hour Chris brought him to the edge three times but never allowing him to fall over. Tears were welling up in Tom's eyes and his cock desperately twitched as the Aussie slowly eased the plug out. He was quite desperate himself by now, so he slowly loosened the ropes binding his lover's legs before untying the cuffs around his ankles.  
Once that was done he coated his dick in lube and carefully thrust into the Brit making him whine. Precum was already leaking from Tom's dick whilst Chris tenderly kissed him.  
"Soon you can come, my love. As often as you want." 

They stayed motionless for a bit but eventually Chris couldn't hold back and started to move in and out. Angling his hips he made sure to hit the Brit's prostate who in return screamed in pleasure, a spurt of cum shooting onto his stomach.   
"That's my lovely puppy. Cum for me!"  
With the next thrust Tom came shooting his sperm over both their chests. 

 

Half an hour later Chris finally pulled out watching his seed seeping from his lover's hole.   
"Shhhh. It's alright, darling." He soothed the crying Brit whilst grabbing the fluffy towel he'd prepared earlier on to clean them. Tom's entire chest and face was covered with cum, very much like his own.  
As soon as that was done he opened the bindings around Tom's wrists, the collar, however, he left on. By then he knew it soothed the Brit after such an intense session. Cuddling up next to him he wrapped his arms firmly around him, pulled the blanket over them both and soon they were sleeping soundly.

 

Lazily stretching Tom blinked his eyes. Checking his lover's alarm clock he wasn't surprised to see it was already past 11. He always slept that long after an intense session and it had definitely been that the night before. In fact his balls felt totally dry.   
Rolling to his back he heard the shower running and slowly sat up. Chris' sweaty sports clothes lay scattered on the floor on the way to the bathroom. Shaking his head and grinning Tom slowly swung his legs out of bed. If Chris' shower wasn't that small, he could join his koala bear. 

Smoothing his bed hair down his eyes landed on Chris notebook and he automatically thought about the audition he had had a couple of days before. They'd said he'd receive an email by today if he got the job. It was a big movie and he felt that it had gone well, so he eagerly started the thing sitting down naked at the small kitchen island. As he watched the computer start he suddenly remembered how Chris had toyed with him before fucking him on the very surface the notebook was standing on. He still couldn't believe the things he'd done with Chris and he'd enjoyed every single one.

Finally the desktop was on and with a grin he opened the browser. He was moving the cursor already up to the navigation field when his eyes landed on the icon of a recently closed tab in the lower right corner. No. This must be a different page, there probably were more companies called GPU.   
With shaking fingers Tom moved the cursor down to the icon and clicked.

Immediately he was greeted by the big, familiar logo and two naked guys. This couldn't be true. Chris wouldn't...  
Right beneath the logo he saw the words "Welcome Chris_83" and the category "Favourites". His heart nearly stopped when an all too familiar curly haired boy was staring back at him. No! Shaking his head he was still in denial so he scrolled down a little only to find each and every of those hated porns he did listed among Chris favourites. Startled he stopped on one he couldn't remember doing. The title simply said "POV Fucking a Twink". He knew he shouldn't but his fingers seemed to move on their own accord and opened the video. 

He instantly knew the bedroom and a moment later he saw his younger self lying tied up and blindfolded in the bed legs spread obscenely wide. The hint of a butt plug was visible which the man operating the camera slowly tugged out before replacing it with his c...  
Disgusted Tom jumped up slamming the notebook shut, ripping off his collar and getting his clothes. This couldn't be true. How could Chris betray him like that! He thought he'd love him.

His head was spinning as he quickly got dressed. Tears streaming down his face he ran for the door putting on his shoes he didn't bother for his jacket and left. He knew what to do.


	11. Suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does Tom do after he found out about Chris' secret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a heart-breaking chapter

Still confused about what he'd found on Chris' computer Tom aimlessly walked down the street thinking about how to best end his life. How could Chris watch that? What was he thinking about him? Had he known from the start? And why was there a video of Stephen fucking him on the page? Was Chris thinking he was a whore? Why had he allowed himself to fall in love again? He'd known it wouldn't end well. He was so stupid.

Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks and a few pedestrians cursed at him for stopping in the middle of the way. He couldn't care less. Looking up at the big green cross he nodded. That was the solution. Luckily he had some Pound notes in his pockets, so he quickly entered the pharmacy and headed straight for the painkillers. 

Unfortunately there were so many he didn't know which one to take. Aspirin? That surely wasn't strong enough to do the job.   
"May I help you?" A female voice startled him. "Everything alright?" Concerned she looked at him. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot from crying, he knew that as he'd seen himself in a mirror when he'd walked in.  
"Ahm, not quite. I've got a terrible migraine."  
"Oh. Sorry to hear. Come along, we keep the more efficient stuff behind the counter."

Not even five minutes later he left the pharmacy with a pack of strong painkillers.  
"Not more than two a day", the sales woman had said. He'd almost asked what would happen if he took more but he stopped himself right in time. He'd find that out on his own.  
He had also bought a bottle of water and at the next public toilet he locked himself in a stall and downed all 10 pills with the water. On his way out he threw the empty pack into the bin. It hopefully wouldn't take long now and all his pain would be gone forever.

 

Five minutes later he could barely walk anymore and he felt drowsy. Good. Suddenly he found himself on London Bridge and another idea crossed his mind. Passersby walked wide around him as he made his way further onto the bridge staggering like a drunk.   
Eventually he'd reached the middle and leaned over the railing. From somewhere behind him he heard a woman say "What the fuck is he doing?"   
This was his sign. With his last strength he pushed himself forward with his hands and feet and he fell. The water was icy but he couldn't care less. He let go. Let go of life.

 

* * *

 

 

Chris had to grin when he came back from his short morning workout and his lover still lay on the same spot snoring lightly. He'd never thought he'd be that happy ever again after everything that happened in his life and especially with his family.  
Tom had turned out to be quite a willing submissive and although it wasn't a normal dom/sub relationship he loved every single second. Stripping off his clothes on the way to the bathroom he hoped they could have sex again before they had to go to work.

Once in the shower he had to think of their session in the kitchen the previous week. They had made lunch together and when he was cutting a bit of ginger he had had an idea. Telling Tom to strip a grin had spread on his face and in the blink of an eye he had been naked.  
Putting him on the kitchen island he'd fastened a heavy, metal ball stretcher on him and stroked him to hardness.   
Tom's eyes had widened when Chris had gotten a thin, long piece of ginger and brought it to the tip of his stiff cock.  
God! The Aussie still got hard only by the thought of his boyfriend's mewls and whines as the juice had slowly seeped into his urethra. And how his cock had twitched wildly...

"Fuck!" Chris quickly turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. He needed a good fuck. To his surprise the bed was empty as he emerged from the bathroom. "Tom?" He checked the kitchen and the living room. "Baby?" He saw his lover's phone lying on the bedside table, so he couldn't be far. Probably he just went to the grocery store to buy some stuff. 

Relaxing lightly Chris dried himself off and tugged his still hard dick into his shorts before heading to the kitchen. As he already felt hungry he started cooking some pasta and chicken. If Tom wanted something else, he'd cook that for him later.

After he'd put water on to cook the pasta in he felt he needed some music and opened his notebook. Tom had given him his access code to Spotify and Chris loved his boyfriend's taste in music. He pressed the on button and immediately his browser appeared. It took him a few moments to realise what was on the screen.   
"Fuck!"

 

* * *

 

 

Molly Collins was exhausted. It had been a long night at A&E with numerous emergencies coming in. She was glad her shift would end in about an hour and she could go home. Unlike the doctors the nurses weren't allowed to rest - nevermind sleep - during their shifts. Three of her colleagues were ill so she was on duty almost 24 hours now.

"Molly! I need you. An emergency's coming in." One of the young doctors came rushing to her, one of those over-eager youngsters just out of university.  
"What's up?" She forced a smile on her face whilst thinking "only an hour left."  
"Ambulance is coming in with a guy who fell into the Thames. Probably hypothermia."  
Well, that wasn't too bad. "Okay. When are they due?"  
"Coming right up."

She followed the young doctor to the entrance where an ambulance had just pulled up. The next moment the door flew open and the first thing Molly thought was "That's more than a simple hypothermia."  
"Patient is male," the young paramedic started "was fished from the river after he fell - or probably even jumped. Luckily a boat was just passing under the bridge, they got him out quickly." While he was talking they were already heading down the hallway.  
Molly noticed that the blood pressure and heart rate were unnaturally low and opened her mouth to ask about it when the paramedic continued.  
"They wanted to make him spit out the water he'd swallowed as he barely breathed, only that he puked out some small remains of some pills."  
Molly was fuming "SHOULD HAVE STARTED WITH THE IMPORTANT BIT, MORON. Doctor Peters, we'll need you. Possible suicide." The two young man stared at her as the more experienced doctor joined them.

Once in the examining room Molly quickly put the sensors on her new patient wondering what made a young man like him want to kill himself. "Oxygen 70, pulse 60, blood pressure barely there!"   
"Right. Doctor McLeod intubate him. Quickly! We need an IV to get some meds in. Tox screen. And prepare a stomach tube to empty his stomach."  
"He's got a seizure!" Molly yelled as the young man started to wiggle like a fish on the dry shore. 

 

About two hours later they'd finally managed to stabilise their patient.  
"Are the relatives here?" Doctor Peters asked as they exited the examining room.  
"No. He had no ID, phone or anything else on him. But we've informed the police."  
"Good work, Molly. Go home."  
"But I'll need to call the psychiatrist."  
"Doctor McLeod can do that. Your shift's over."

 

* * *

 

 

Chris was pacing his flat as he called Tom's family asking if they'd heard from him. First he had tried Ben but he was apparently filming in LA currently, so the only other option was his family - at least Chris was hoping so.  
"What's happened, Chris?" Diana asked, her tone full of worry.  
"Ahm... I think I've hurt him and now he's gone."  
"Have you tried his flat?"  
"No. His keys are still here."   
"And the spare key?"  
"Also. He's given it to me about two weeks back." Tears started to run down Chris' face. He should have deleted that stupid page including his account as soon as he'd realised that the blonde, curly-haired angel was his boyfriend. It had taken him a while and only a gasp during one of their first humpings had made it clear.   
"Tell me he's fine, Chris!" Diana demanded.  
"I hope so."

 

After they'd hung up Chris started to call the hospitals as would Diana praying to be told that no-one with that description had been brought in. But already the fourth hospital had confirmed that an unknown male patient fitting the description had been brought in. No!

 

He threw on his jacket and shoes before storming down to the street. Waving over a taxi before calling Diana he tried not to freak out. It was all his fault.  
The entire drive he prayed Tom wouldn't be dead. The girl couldn't tell him more on the phone, so he didn't know what was going on. His face was wet with tears as he jumped out of the car at the hospital and ran inside. Heavily breathing he stopped at the reception desk "I think my boyfriend's here. I've called. He's got black chin-long hair. 6'2'' and lean. His name is Tom! Is he alright?"

 

* * *

 

Just as a tall and broad blonde had ran into the A&E Molly exited the locker room. She was waving at her colleagues looking forward to sleeping at least 10 hours.   
"TELL ME!"   
Her head went round to the reception desk where Mary was struggling to calm a guy down. Two security guys were already heading towards him.   
"Please! He's my boyfriend. I just need to know that he's okay." The guy spoke in a thick Australian accent, his voice filled with tears. "He's got black hair... Beautiful ocean-blue eyes..." He pressed out between sobs "and he's got a dragon tattoo... On his left thigh all the w..."

Sighing Molly headed over towards them. "Sir? Why don't you come along?" She had to look up at the tall man and his eyes immediately widened hopefully. "Mary, call Doctor Peters or McLeod to the family room."  
She grabbed the guy's shaking hand and led him down the hall to a quiet room. "I'm Molly by the way."  
"Chris." His voice was thin with tears.   
"And your friend's name?"  
"Tom. Tom Hiddleston."  
"Do you perhaps have a photo?"  
Eagerly nodding the Aussie got his phone out and a moment later he turned it towards her. It definitely was their unnamed patient cuddled to the man before her and smiling widely. Right on cue the door opened and Doctor Peters came in.

After introducing himself he also looked at the photo and nodded. "He's your boyfriend?"  
"Yes. Is he alright? Please!"  
"Considering the circumstances, yes. Do you have the phone number of his family?"  
"I've already called them on my way here. What happened?"  
"Well, as you're not family I'm not allowed to tell you any details."  
Quietly the nurse left the room. Doctor Peters would mange on his own.

Just as she passed the reception desk again she heard the name "Tom Hiddleston" again and grabbed her colleague Agnes "Bring those people to the family room. Doctor Peters has been treating the guy."

 

Chris was ready to argue with the doctor, he wanted to see Tom. And what the hell did "considering the circumstances" mean?   
"He's my boyfriend I w..."  
"Chris!" The door opened and Diana came rushing in followed by Emma. "What is going on? Where is Tom?"

When it was clear that everyone was family and Mrs. Hiddleston insisted that Chris stayed doctor Peters started to explain what had happened. As soon as the doctor said "possibly tried to kill himself" Chris jumped for the bin and threw up in it. It was all his fault.  
By the time the medic was finished they were all crying. "If you want, you can see him. But only for a moment. He needs rest."  
"Would please call Doctor Margaret Ellington. She's his psychiatrist." Emma explained calmly holding her mum tightly.  
"Has he had any psychological problems in the past?"   
"He's tried to kill himself after he'd been raped a few years ago. So yes."  
"Alright. I'll add that to his file."

 

Ten minutes later they were standing around Tom's bed. All sorts of tubes were attached to him and he was hooked to a respirator. Chris had tears streaming down his face feeling guilty. His lover looked so pale. As if... No!   
"Doctor?" A nurse had come in and handed him a sheet of paper. "Call neurology and tell them we need an EEG."  
They all stared at the doctor who calmly went up to Tom pulled out a small torch and checked his pupils.  
"What does this mean?" Diana whispered, her voice broken.  
"The pills he took are quite strong and if we didn't get the stuff out of his system soon enough it's possible that he's, well, braindead."

 

* * *

 

 

The cold was gone. He knew he was lying in bed. Had everything been a dream? There was a hand on his. Chris. Another nightmare. Chris wouldn't do something like that.   
But what was that in his throat? It burnt and he could feel it going out of his mouth...

"Doctor! What does that mean?" Was that his mum?  
"He's fighting the intubation. A good sign."   
There were more hands all over him. No! Why?  
Everything went dark again...

 

He slowly blinked his eyes taking in his surroundings. The first thing he realised was that he wasn't still at Chris', so not a dream after all. The second thing bothered him even more. He wasn't dead. All of a sudden all the pain came back. The realisation that Chris had watched how he'd been humiliated time after time plus the videos of his boyfriend fucking him in private. He didn't know what hurt more.

Feeling furious he quickly reached for the tubes and wires attached to his body and started to rip them out and off. The spot where IV had been started bleeding immediately and when he tugged a strange patch from his chest an alarm went off. Fuck!   
He quickly sat up and swung his legs out of bed. A painful tug at his dick made him lift the blanket only to see he had a thick catheter in his dick. He'd just reached down to rip it out when the door flew open and two nurses were rushing in.  
"What are you doing?" One asked slightly shocked seeing the blood running down his fingers and onto the floor.  
"I'm going." The thing in his dick didn't move so he tugged harder and let out a pained yelp when it eventually moved a little.  
"What's going on?" A man was storming in as well and taking in the scene. "Tom, I'm Doctor Callaghan. You need to lie down, please."  
"I'm fucking going!" He screamed on the top of his lungs.  
"You need help, Tom. Let us help you." His tone was calm and for a moment it seemed to work, so one of the nurses tried to push him back onto the bed but of course he wouldn't have it and shoved her away. She stumbled backwards and crashed into the wall with a pained groan.

"5 ml Haldol." The doctor was still calm as he addressed the other nurse and slowly neared Tom with raised arms in order to show he wasn't doing anything. "Can we just talk for a moment, Tom?"  
"GO THE FUCK AWAY!"  
"Please, try to calm down. Why don't you tell me what happened?"  
"None of your fucking business!" Again he tried to tug the catheter out and that moment the nurse pushed the needle into his upper arm and gave him the Haldol.   
Immediately Tom collapsed and they put him back into bed.   
"Get the fixations. Then get a new IV in and make sure he hasn't injured his bladder."  
"Yes, doctor." 

 

* * *

 

 

Diana, Emma and Chris had spent the entire night in the waiting room. Sarah had called and asked how her little brother was and his dad had shown up in the middle of the night as well.  
They'd heard the alarm and everyone wanted to run to Tom's room but the nurses stopped them. They heard shouting - angry shouting. Well, at least they knew Tom was alright, now - physically anyway.

It didn't take too long and the doctor came over to them explaining what happened and what they had to do. "We're only making sure he won't hurt himself."  
Diana broke down crying. "He's been so happy recently. And now this!" Shaking her head she buried her face in her hands. Emma immediately hugged her close.  
"Have you reached Doctor Ellington yet?"  
"Yes. She's with a patient but will be here as soon as possible."  
"Can we see him?" Chris asked wanting to be at his boyfriend's side and apologise.  
"Yes. But maybe not all at the same time."

 

Nearly an hour later the door opened again and Doctor Ellington finally arrived. Shaking hands she sat down opposite Diana. "Can you tell me what happened?"  
"He's taken a high dose of painkillers before jumping into the river," Emma explained, one arm still wrapped around her mum.  
"And why?"  
"He's... He's had a fight with Chris or something," Diana sobbed realising that she hadn't asked the Aussie more about it.   
"Where is Chris?"  
"He's with Tom."

 

Maggie was really upset about what Tom had done. After all she thought he'd be over everything. At their last appointment about two months ago he'd told her that he'd finally done it and that he was so happy with Chris. It had been a long, long way since their first meeting when he'd barely said a word or even just looked at her. The more she'd been surprised when she'd received the call from the hospital.

Shaking her head she headed towards the door her patient was lying behind. At days like these she really hated her job.   
Quietly she opened the door hearing a tear-muffled voice "I'm so terribly sorry, my love. I should have deleted the shit. I'm so sorry..." It went on in a loop and she eventually stepped further into the room already having a suspicion about what might have happened.  
   
Tom was pale, paler than usually. "Well, no wonder after what happened," she thought. He'd had an IV in his right arm, a oxygen sensor on his finger and a heart monitor was attached to his chest. Around his arms - and probably his legs, too - were fixations. Well, Tom wouldn't like that but she didn't doubt they were necessary.

"You must be Chris." She cleared her throat.  
Startled the tall man looked at her with wide eyes and eventually nodded.   
"I'm Maggie. Nice to meet you." She headed over to where he sat shaking his hand "Tom's told me a lot about you."  
"He's never mentioned that he's going to a psychiatrist."   
"Most people don't like to talk about it." She grabbed the Aussie's hand looking into his swollen face. "Can you tell me what happened?"  
"I... He... It's..." Chris ran a hand through his hair not knowing how to start and he didn't want to tell her about the porns. It was none of her business what Tom had down in his past.  
"You said you should have deleted the shit. What shit?" Maggie hoped to be wrong about her suspicion."  
"I... On my computer. He's..."   
"The porns?" Maggie asked calmly.  
Chris eyes immediately widened "You know?"  
"Of course.” She tried to stay calm although she was angry “You had his porns on your computer and he saw that?"  
"I was in the bathroom and he must have turned my computer on and discovered the link or something. I don't know. When I got out from the shower he was gone. I thought he was at the store. I opened the notebook to listen to music and one of the POV videos was on. I should have told him. It's all my fault."  
"What's a POV video?" Did she really want to know that?  
"Well, one partner is wearing a camera while... You know."  
"Fucking shit!" She had no idea how she should build Tom back up after stuff like that. He loved Chris from the bottom of his heart only to be betrayed.  
"I don't care about it. It's his past. I love him. No matter what. And if he's done a million porns."  
"That's good but I guess it won't help here."   
"What do you mean?" Chris stared at her not seeing what the problem was. He only had to explain to Tom that he had no problem with his porn star past and that would be it.  
"That's confidential between me and my patient."  
Furrowing his brows he stared at her. What was she not telling him?

 

* * *

 

 

Tom felt sleepy but when he opened his eyes lightly he saw the sun was still up. Wanting to stretch he found he couldn't quite move as he wanted. His eyes flew open and immediately he saw that he'd been bound to the bed. A hospital bed. No!

"Hey, my darling." His mum squeezed his hand, her eyes were all red and for a moment he felt guilty before the shame set in. He couldn't meet her eyes so he turned his head to the other side looking away from her.  
"It's alright, my darling. I'm here."  
He wanted to shout at her to piss off but he couldn't. It wasn't her fault.  
"Doctor Ellington is outside. I'll just quickly get her, darling." 

Once she was out of sight he wildly tugged at his arms and legs but there was no escaping. This was so humiliating.   
"Hey, Tom." Maggie smiled at him. "How are you feeling?"  
"Why can't I just die? I..." Tears started to stream down his face and in the blink of an eye she was holding him.   
"Oh, Tom."

 

For a while she just held him until his tears and sobs started subside.  
"Tell me what's happened, Tom. You were doing so great, starting new. So what made you throw that all away?" In order to not make him feel even more betrayed she didn't say that she already knew. She wanted him to tell her himself  
"I don't want to talk about it." He blocked off turning his head away from her.  
"I've spoken to Chris. He said he hurt you and he's sorry. He says he loves you more than anything."  
"Leave me alone."   
"You know you can tell me." This wasn't going as she thought it would.   
"Why does everyone always think they know what's going on with me? I'm a fucking idiot. The world would be better off without me."  
"That's not true, Tom. And you know it."  
"Just leave me alone!" He was angry which kind of surprised her. Something just didn't add up. 

 

The next days were tough for everybody. Tom's family tried to show him that they still loved him despite him having hurt them with his suicide attempt.  
"We'll always be there for you, darling." His mum kept on repeating.   
Chris kept apologising and Maggie still tried to get out of him what was going on inside him. Tom, however, just lay there not talking. He also refused to eat or drink anything which worried the doctors. Maybe he could end his life that way. Of course he didn't want to hurt his family even more but he just couldn't do this anymore.

 

Tom was curled up on his side surrounded by his family, Chris, Maggie and Doctor Callaghan who was trying to reason for him to eat a bit of soup.  
"Please, darling. Do it for me. Hmm." His mum stroked his hair.   
"Come on, Tom, there are so many people here that love you." Maggie wasn't sure this was the best way but had eventually agreed when her colleague said the next step would be sticking a tube through his nose and into his stomach to feed him and she wanted to save Tom that humiliation.

 

"You don't know shit about me!" Tom suddenly said in an indifferent tone after they'd talked at him for another 10 minutes.  
He slowly turned onto his back staring at them with hateful eyes "I've been stupid enough to let a guy talk me into doing porn. I hated it but I kept doing it to please him, after all he was my boyfriend.  
Turns out he even taped our private fuckings and put them online. I was basically his whore! And you say you love me?! I'm fucking disgusting!   
And then it turns out that the man I thought I'd love likes to watch that humiliation and gets off on it! By the way, I've not been raped I just had two giant cocks in my ass that tore me apart. Did you get off on that one too, Chris?!” Tom's face was a mask of pain and hate.  
“How can you claim to love someone like that! I'm not worth being loved. I'm scum. Filth. I'm not worth the air I breath. So why DON'T YOU ALL FUCK OFF AND LET ME die!" The last word was almost swallowed by a heart-breaking sob.

Shocked they all stared at him. Diana was the first to react by breaking out in tears quickly followed by his two sisters. Silently his dad gathered them and led them outside. It surely wasn't good if they cried like that before him.  
Doctor Callaghan stared at him his mouth hanging open as did Chris. He couldn't believe it. The boy in the videos visibly enjoyed what was done to him. It couldn't be true that he'd basically been forced to do those things.   
Maggie on the other hand understood now what was going on. It was self-hatred. And a lot if it. Even more than the last time. So they were back where they'd started - only that this time his family knew. She just hoped they hadn't left for good as Tom would surely need them to get better.

"I had no idea, my darling. I'm so sor..." The Aussie was crying.  
"I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY!" Tom screamed on the top of his lungs. Maggie knew he thought he didn't even deserve that.  
"I love you, my darling. No m..."  
"GET THE FUCK OUT!!!"   
Maggie nodded briefly at Chris and her shocked colleague and watched them leave, the doctor leading the tall Aussie out. 

 

Meanwhile Tom had buried his face in the pillow and was sobbing like a child. Praying that his family didn't hate him now she sat down on bed beside him. She just sat and waited, he wouldn't allow her to touch him in this state, she knew that.   
Eventually he had no tears left to cry and looked up at her.   
"I want to shower and shave." He simply said to her.  
"I'll get a nurse to help you."  
"I don't need anybody's help."  
"You haven't eaten or drunk in days. I won't let you in there alone."

 

15 minutes later he was standing in front of the small bathroom mirror, a male nurse watching him. He'd have preferred a woman but possibly Maggie thought a man might be better. He felt lightly shaky on his legs. Staring at his reflection he once more found that he hated that person and he couldn't stand looking at him.   
With tears in his eyes he reached his shaking fingers to his piercings and one by one took them out. Brushing off his shirt he quickly tugged out the nipple piercings as well and in a fit of anger he threw them across the room. The nurse took a step closer but stopped as he gripped the edge of the sink with both hands.   
Next he shaved with his electric razor his family had gotten from his flat and once his face was smooth he had another idea. Changing the blade he brought it up to his head and black locks started falling all around him.

He couldn't see himself anymore as he shaved off the last black strands as tears were streaming down his face. Feeling like he was in someone else's body he put the razor down and tugged off his pyjamas not noticing that Maggie had joined the nurse and if he had, he wouldn't have bothered.   
Naked he climbed into the tub and sat down starting the shower. He nearly yelped as the hot water seared his skin but he didn't. Absentmindedly he noticed a hand adjusting the water temperature as he sat with his knees tugged to his chest. 

 

He'd been transferred to the psychiatry ward a few weeks ago and slowly he started to feel better although he hadn't spoken the whole time. Occasionally his family visited which he didn't understand. How could they still like him?

He was sitting in the visitors room with his mum. She'd made his favourite cake and told him all the newest neighbourhood gossip while he just sat poking at his cake trying to figure why she still came to visit her worthless son.   
"Darling?" Her hand gripped his "I don't understand one thing, maybe you can help me understand. You're so intelligent and smart, you know that we're always there for you. Why haven't you come to me when this abusive bastard made you do all those horrible things?"  
Swallowing the lump in his throat he thought about the question he'd asked himself numerous times before. How he could have let it happen in the first place?  
"I loved him." He whispered the answer to his own question suddenly realising the answer had always been there.  
"Oh, darling. I'm sorry. Come here." She wrapped her arms around him as he started to sob wildly.

All damns broke when he realised just how much he'd loved Stephen. Equally as much as Chris, only that Chris had returned his love. He should have known but he didn't as until the Aussie he'd never had a boyfriend who'd loved him as much as he had loved them. He had always thought it had been his fault but with the love his mum was showing him right now, and with the love Chris had shown him, he knew his only fault had been that he'd loved those other guys more than they'd loved him. He deserved better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter coming


	12. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has recovered from Chris' betrayal. But just when he thinks everything is going smoothly, he meets a ghost from his past...

"Oh, fuck! Tom! I'm coming!"   
Tom felt her walls contract around him and a moment later he came as well with a loud moan.   
"That was great. Again." Tom rolled off Jenny holding the condom in place.  
"Absolutely. Best sex I've ever had. Better than any vibrator."  
Chuckling Tom tugged the condom off making a knot in it. "Well, thanks for the compliment."  
"I still can't believe that I'm the first girl you've ever slept with." She stared at his sexy backside as he got up to throw the used condom in the bin.   
"Well, you basically took my virginity," he laughed as he tossed the latex in the bin. His eyes landed in the mirror above Jenny's desk. He somehow liked his new look. Once his hair had grown back a little he had had it bleached and wore his peroxide blonde mane up in spikes. The lip ring fitted the look perfectly but - aside from his lorum piercing - it was the only one he still wore. The new look made him appear younger and lots of casting directors thought it was a joke when he said he'd turned 30 recently. 

"Coming back to bed or are you gonna stare at that handsome motherfucker all night," Jenny teased him.  
"Oh, shut up you. Or I'll fuck you up the ass!"  
"Falling back to old habits, are we?"   
"No. I've got enough of being gay." He slowly lay back down beside her cuddling up behind her and palming her breasts. He still sometimes thought of Chris but the bitter-sweet memories quickly turned to anger. Chris had tried to talk to him a couple of times after... that. But Tom just couldn't. Everytime he'd look at the Aussie he saw him watching his humiliation and wanking off to it.  
No. This was better. 

He'd told Jenny everything when she'd visited him at the psychiatry and she had cried for a while before starting to joke and tease him again. To her he wasn't a victim. He was her friend, Tom. Her no-strings-attached friend, Tom. And neither had a problem with it.  
"You know for a guy who's been gay until recently you love to play with my tits."  
"I do," he confessed tugging at her nipple.  
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I'll be wearing a Prada dress for the premier next week."  
"Prada? You can't afford that!"  
"I don't have to buy it, stupid. I'll just wear it and give it back. It's gonna be a huge premier. Lots of people."  
"Yeah." In fact Tom was a little scared about the whole thing.  
"Are you taking Chris?"  
"No!"   
"You're still not talking?"  
"No." Tom kept stroking her breast to distract himself from the painful memories.  
Letting out a sigh she cuddled into Tom. By now she knew it wouldn't be helpful to press the subject although she knew Tom still loved the Aussie deep in his heart.

 

The next morning Tom was out for a early-morning run. His heart was hammering and he was panting hard as he ran up Primerose Hill. His earbuds in he listened to The Killers when suddenly his phone rang. Pulling it from his pocket he glanced at the screen. Unknown caller. Hopefully not Chris again. He'd already changed numbers twice because his mum had thought it was a good idea to pass his new number on.

"Hello?"  
"Mr. Hiddleston?" A female voice asked.  
"Ahm, yes. Who's this?"  
"My name is Barbara Broccoli. I'm a producer for the James Bond movies."  
"Fuck!" Tom stopped dead in his tracks, of course he knew who she was "Sorry. I mean, hi. Pleasure to talk to you." How had she gotten his number? And most importantly: what did she want?  
"It's alright." She answered laughing. "Actually that's what we're kind of looking for. As you might have read we're looking for a new 007 and we were thinking of making him younger. So we'd like to meet you. See if you'd be a possible candidate."  
"You're pulling my leg!" He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.  
"No. Are you interested!"  
"Absolutely. But may I asked how you've...?"  
"How your name came up?"  
"Yeah."   
"Well, I've seen you perform as Cassius in Julius Ceasar and I loved it. My fellow producers, directors, etc. were finally convinced they had to meet you when the Olivier Award nominations were released this morning."  
"What?" He was nominated?  
"You haven't spoken to your agent, yet? Well, congratulations. It's really well deserved."  
"Thanks." Still puzzled by the whole situation Tom slowly walked back the way he came.  
"Are you free later today?"  
"Ahm, I've actually got a set of interviews for a new movie which will last the whole day."  
"Oh, I've seen the trailer for “A Wild Romance”. Looks great. Well, how about tomorrow?"  
"Sure."

When he entered the flat again 20 minutes later he was grinning over his entire face. An award nomination and an audition for 007! This must be the best day of his life.

The entire day he was grinning like a fool and after their interviews were done he went to celebrate with Jenny, some friends and members of the cast. In total the play had gotten 10 nominations. If that wasn't a reason to celebrate...

 

The audition was great although Tom found that they all weren't quite convinced about the new variety of James Bond. In the end they had agreed on a test screening in full costume and the whole "Bond, James Bond" thing. Tom thought he must be dreaming.

 

And then the day of the première of "A Wild Romance" - as their move was called - had arrived. Tom and Jenny stayed in bed till noon shagging like animals to keep themselves distracted. After all it was their first big movie and so far the reviews had been great.   
Eventually they left together sharing a cab. Jenny got out a beauty salon where all the female cast would get styled and dressed. Tom headed to a fancy hotel where the production company had rented a suite for the male cast members.

All the fuss made Tom even more nervous. But after nearly three hours of hair and make-up (and he still looked like he had before) he was finally done, dressed in a fancy Armani suit.   
He was the last one who got picked up in an expensive limousine and after only 5 minutes driving they were in the heart of London. Leicester Square. He'd been here as a child from time to time trying to catch a glimpse at his heroes. And now... 

Inhaling deeply to calm himself he watched as someone came rushing to the car and opened the door for him. The moment he set a foot out of the car a deafening screeching started and he nearly covered his ears but his eyes landed on Jenny who was smiling at him from ear to ear. 

 

Walking the red carpet was odd. After he'd greeted Jenny with a kiss on her cheek the crowd (mostly teenage girls) started screaming his name. It felt totally awkward but after 5 minutes he wasn't hearing anything anymore as he posed for pictures with Jenny.  
Next they were ushered to the media corner were they gave interview after interview.   
Basically everyone asked the same questions at least until he got to the last woman. First she also asked about the movie but took a sudden turn to more private questions.  
"So, Tom, is the new look for a movie?"  
"No. I just fancied a change."  
"Looks good, though."  
"Thanks."  
"Congratulations on your Olivier Award nomination. Was it a surprise as you weren't able finish the run of the play?"  
Goosebumps spread over his body and he started to feel uncomfortable. "Ahm, it sure was a surprise."   
"There are rumours saying you were sick others go even further and claim you've tried to kill yourself. What's the truth?"  
Blinking his eyes he looked to the floor thinking about what to say. "Well, truth is..." He swallowed hard "Private problems gave me a hard time and needed help." He quickly walked away to make sure he wasn't going to start crying in front of those cameras. Hopefully they wouldn't dig further into the subject.

The moment he turned he was distracted by the huge crowd again screaming his name. Forcing a smile on his face he headed over and wrote autographs, posed for pictures or just talked to some girls. 

"Tom?" A young woman came over to him.  
"Yes?"  
"Time to go inside. The movie will start in a bit."  
Checking his watch he couldn't believe it, he'd spent a bit over an hour with those fans...

 

"Oh my God! Tom! Standing ovations!" Jenny threw her arms around him as they had left the stage after the screening.  
"I know. Unbelievable!" They hugged and giggled, both overwhelmed about what had just happened. The movie itself had been fantastic and Tom was happy that the director had decided to reduce his genitals' screen time to a few seconds.  
"Now let's get pissed!" Jenny laughed.   
"Absolutely!" Tom agreed.  
"Yeah, we deserve it." Lenny agreed, who played Tom's character's best friend.

 

The location for the premier party was packed with people. Famous people. Tom had already bumped into Judie Dench, Graham Norton and Martin Freeman.   
He was just standing at the bar sipping at his beer when his eyes came to a very familiar shape breaching through the crowd. Stephen! As if to mock him further he was holding his wives hand. Tom froze tears welling up in his eyes as he stared at them. They kissed passionately before starting to dance closely.   
He suddenly felt sick and headed towards the toilets but Jenny stopped him.  
"You okay, Tom? You look quite pale."  
"It's..." Jenny knew about his story but he'd never told anybody, not even Maggie, who his famous ex had been. The only person who knew was Benedict and he was across the Atlantic Ocean. "I think I'll leave. I'm not feeling well."   
"No! You can't!" She grabbed his hand and led him over to the lounge area which was empty apart for them. "Just sit down, Tom, and relax a little."

Like a good friend she sat with him for a while until one of her favourite songs came on. She just had to dance. Fearing to see Stephen dance with his wife again - or even to just see him - he stayed behind.   
He was hiding in the back corner of the lounge and was sure nobody could see him there, so he nearly had a heart-attack when someone spoke right next to him.  
"Mind if I join you?"  
Whipping his head around his blood froze as he saw who exactly it was. His ex!  
"Great movie, Tom. You're amazing in it.  
He just sat and stared at the older man, he had loved once, unable to speak.  
"Oh, and congrats to your Olivier nomination. Well deserved I must say. Your performance was absolutely great."  
"You've seen it?" His voice was quite thin as all those bad memories and feelings flooded his system.  
"Yes. And the movie. God, I got hard seeing you naked again. You've trained!"  
Now he had to think of Chris and how the Aussie had said he'd kill the prick who'd hurt him that much. He suddenly wished he would be here. 

Tears were welling up in Tom's eyes and out of instinct the director grabbed his hand. "Listen, Tom. I'm really sorry about what happened."  
Suddenly a stern, angry voice shouted at him that he shouldn't let the fucker get away. "What for exactly?" Tom whispered.  
"For hurting you. I knew you weren't keen on doing those porns but you were just too good."  
"And that's why you also posted the things we did in bedroom – in private?"  
"Well, yes. I guess. Plus I was angry that you'd left me like that."  
"YOU were angry?!" Now his voice was firmer. "I've been in hospital for over four weeks because of what you had those guys do to me!"  
"I know. They should have prepared you better."  
Did he just really say that? "Right. Listen, I've been through so much shit because of you and I can't say I'll ever wanted to see you again. So what the fuck do you want?!" Tom wouldn't tell him what exactly had happened. Never.  
Puzzled Stephen looked at the normally so shy boy - man - he'd known and found himself aroused again. "Well, maybe I can make it up to you somehow?"

Tom's first instinct was to shout at the director but calmed himself right on time. After all he didn't want to make a fuss. "What were you thinking of?"  
"Well, maybe a little celebration of your success. I could suck you off?"  
Tom's eyebrow rose "Really?"  
"Obviously not right here..." He paused.  
Suddenly an idea crossed Tom's mind. This could be fun. "Okay. Toilets. Five minutes." After all he hadn't had a blowjob from a famous director in quite a while.  
"Brilliant. See you in a bit."

When the older man was out of sight a huge grin spread over Tom's face. He'd have his revenge. Quickly getting up he headed to the dance floor to find Jenny.  
She was dancing with some guy when he found her. Tugging her arm he whispered into her ear "I need your help."

 

Inhaling deeply a couple of times Tom stood in front of the doors to the toilets. Could he really do that? He'd watched his ex heading into the one for the disabled. Well, it was the obvious choice, wasn't it? His right hand went to his mobile in his pants pocket. Good.

Eventually he reached for the door handle and a smiling director stared back at him. Quickly he slipped inside pretending to turn the lock.  
"There you are, gorgeous. Look at my sexy sweety." A shudder ran over his back but he'd do this. He had to!   
Stephen leaned in and tried to kiss him but the Brit's long arms stopped him. "No! To be honest I don't quite know what you're expecting from this. I won't be your plaything again."  
"You don't have to but what about occasional fun?"   
"I don't need you for that!"  
"I could get you some great roles."  
"I don't need you for that either!"  
A loud sigh escaped the director "Well, honestly, I've been missing you - missing all those sweet noises you make when you're coming. Jesus, those sex scenes with that girl..."  
"You had all those porns to watch!"   
"It's not the same. Plus I really loved you, sweety."  
"Don't call me that!"   
"Why did you come here if you wanted to argue?!"  
"No. I came for a blowjob." Suggestively Tom looked down to the floor challenging his ex who grinned at him widely before slowly kneeling down in front of him.  
"Okay, big boy. Let's get that beautiful cock of yours out."

Tom had to grip the sink behind him in order not to shove the director away as he slowly unbuckled and opened his pants.  Easily the fabric glided down his thighs stopping at his knees.   
Stephen's hand started to rub him through his boxers for a while until Tom's dick slowly started to harden. He was actually thinking about the sex with Chris otherwise he'd surely wouldn't harden.  
"Let's free that amazing cock of yours." With a firm tug his boxers followed his pants and a split second later the director's mouth was on him. "Well, that's new." He had discovered Tom's lorum piercing and toyed with it for a bit.  
"Why don't you get on with it?"

 

Tom was close and Stephen eagerly bobbing his head but not taking him too deeply.   
"He's not really making an effort," Tom thought thinking about Chris' mouth on him which made him groan. The older man's hand gently tugged at his balls when Tom knew he'd come any moment. Gripping the directors head he pushed deeper into him until Tom felt his throat contracting around him and heard him choking. Holding him in place he thrust into the director's throat a couple of times before stopping with his cock down his throat. The older man was looking up at him struggling to breath and tears in his eyes.   
"That's it. Ever deep-throated a cock before?" There was a small nod and the director's throat contracted again around him. "Fuck, Stephen!" He groaned and let go.  
As expected Stephen immediately pulled off breathing deeply so that Tom could actually feel the hot puffs of air against his shaft.

Right the moment Tom had said those words (which was the signal he'd agreed on with Jenny before) the door flew open and bright flashes filled the room. With another groan Tom gripped his wet dick and shot his load all over the director's face.

 

The next morning Tom was lying in his bed next to Jenny. He stretched lazily and grinned as he saw Jenny was awake already her phone in hand.  
"Morning." He still had to grin as he thought how stupid his ex had looked as Jenny snapped picture after picture of him sucking off a guy.  
"Morning, Tom. Your dick's all over the internet." She chuckled and showed him the screen. A famous director with an spit covered chin and watery eyes was to be seen next to a large, erect dick which was unloading all over his face.  
"Ehehehehe!" Tom laughed. "Good job, Jen. You could be paparazzi as a second career."  
"You won't believe it. Those photo's paid me more than I got for the movie."  
"You're joking?!"  
"Nope. Come on, lazy ass, let's go out and have a nice brunch."

 

The papers were full the following days asking if Stephen O'Donnell was gay and if he was, what about his wife? Who was the stranger who had his cock sucked by the famous director? Stephen's wife wanted a divorce after three young actors claimed to have had sex with him in the past. Well, now his ex knew how it felt to have his life turned upside down.

 

* * *

 

 

Chris was still struggling. Occasionally he tried to call Tom's old number(s). He'd even wrote him three letters but so far there hadn't been an answer. He still loved him and he always would.   
Of course it had been a shock to find out that Tom had been forced to do all those things but it only made him love him more. He was so strong. And which boyfriend would tape his sex with the man he loved and put it online without his lover's consent. Chris had tried to find out but without success. He'd love to beat the shit out of that guy.

His heart swelled with pride when he heard about the Olivier Award nomination for Tom's performance as Cassius. It had been truly amazing. He hadn't seen Tom since the Brit had kicked him out of the hospital room yelling at him "I never want to see you again" when he had turned up with a flower bouquet.  
The love of his life had been bald then and Chris asked himself if he'd keep that look. So he had to grin when he turned on some morning show and there he sat with his hair peroxide blonde and all spiky. He looked absolutely lovely.

 

Chris had thought about going to Leicester Square to go and see Tom in person but eventually decided against it for the same reason he didn't just show up at his flat. He knew what Tom had suffered through and he felt bad about it, so he would respect his wish to never see him again - except he changed his mind.  
So instead Chris went to a pub and drank until he couldn't remember his own name.

After swallowing 2 Aspirin the next morning he headed to work. As it was raining cats and dogs he'd taken the Tube and just when he wanted to close his eyes and rest a little his eyes landed on someone's newspaper. On the cover was a famous director, whose name he couldn't remember, his face covered in sperm. But what actually drew his attention was the piercing in the background. Of course they had put a black bar over the penis but seeing the piercing Chris was 90 percent sure he knew its owner.  
Grabbing his phone he went online in search for the uncensored version of it and of course it was him. Tom. He could tell his lover's cock from millions.

Chris felt a painful sting in his heart as he pictured Tom and the guy, Stephen O'Donnell, in bed together. How could Tom do that? Was he after a role and sold himself? The Aussie got even more furious when he read that the director was married. Why Tom?

That question didn't leave him all week and when he was on the treadmill with a client about a week later the TV was on. The picture from the newspaper came up and Chris' ears involuntarily peaked.  
"What a scandal! Oscar winner, Stephen O'Donnell, was caught, well, pleasuring a young man last week at the premier party for 'A Wild Romance'. So far there isn't an official statement from O'Donnell but several young actors have confirmed that they had sexual relationships with the director in the past. According to an insider Sophie, O'Donnell's wife, who'd also been at the party, has already filed for a divorce."

 

Chris was furious. He had to talk to Tom. So as soon as he was done with the training he showered as quickly as possible and took a taxi to Tom's flat.

 

* * *

 

 

The test screening for James Bond had been fantastic and they said he'd get the answer within the next few days. Whistling he carried his groceries to his flat. Jenny was on a girls-night with her friends, so he had the flat to himself. He'd make his bolognese and watch a movie.

 

Just as he'd put the sauce in the oven the door bell rang and he headed over. Probably his mum or sister as they came by unannounced from time to time checking on him.  
He ripped open the door and his jaw dropped.  
"Why Tom? Are you hoping to get a role out of it?" Chris stared back at him anger radiating off of him.  
To Tom's own surprise he wasn't angry himself as he saw the Aussie standing at his door. "Why don't you come in?" Maybe it was time to clarify everything with Chris.

Sitting on the sofa Chris was totally nervous. Would Tom shout at him?  
Putting two glasses of water down Tom sat onto the sofa as well. "Chris, I feel like I still owe you an explanation." He sighed "The porns... It's a memory I've always tried to erase from my brain and every time I look at you they come rushing back to me. And I can't..." Suddenly Chris question came back to him. Did the Aussie really think he'd do those things for a role?! "You think I'm a fucking whore!" He was furious all of a sudden.  
"What? No!" Chris defended himself disbelievingly staring at the Brit's angry expression.  
"You came here insinuating that I've let him suck me off for a role! Of course you think that!"  
Maybe he had but had hoped there was a better explanation. "I'm sorry, Tom. I just... I can't understand why you'd do this in the first place. I still love you and I'm fucking jealous. I want to strangle that stupid fucker. I want you back!"

Speechless Tom stared at Chris. "Why? Why do you still want me? You know that I've been... I'm damaged goods. Betrayed, raped, suicidal and God knows what else."  
"Because I fucking love you, Tom," he tried to grip his hand. "Your past doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the here and now. You're amazing, strong and brave. Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here. I'm sorry that I nearly destroyed you with... You know. I didn't even recognise it was you at first and then... I hate myself for not deleting that shit. I... But seeing you with that old m..."  
Tom put his index finger onto the Aussie's lips. "He's my ex." 

The Brit could basically see the wheels turning in Chris' head.  
"No! THAT one?!"  
"Yes. The abusive asshole. And now I have my revenge."  
For a moment they were both quiet but suddenly Chris burst out laughing "You set him up! You little devil."  
Tom joined Chris' laughing "Yap. Jenny took the pictures."  
Out of a sudden impulse the Aussie threw his arms around the Brit and kissed him passionately. Just when he thought he'd fucked it up as there was no reaction the Brit kissed him back.

 

"Fuck! That was great!" Chris panted as Tom flopped down beside him.  
"Yeah."  
Rolling to his side the Aussie felt his lover's seed seep from his hole. "My darling."  
"You've probably been just fucked by the next Bond." Tom laughed before kissing the confused Aussie.  
"You're joking!"  
"No. Had my test screening today."  
"Then I'm basically your Bond girl."  
"No. You're my boyfriend." Tom kissed him "And if it's gonna happen I'll need a personal trainer. Interested?"  
The answer was a deep, passionate kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy end for the two. A well deserved one I feel.
> 
> Thanks for reading guys.


End file.
